forlorn
/fəˈlɔːn/
lonely, abandoned, hopeless.
Aurora kept her promise, she stayed with Draco. She was still sleeping next to him while he was watching her. Her make-up was smudged and her lips were slightly parted, but Draco still thought that she was beautiful. He did not want to admit this to himself though, probably because Aurora is still his best friend's sister and also a childhood friend.
Aurora is always preoccupied with the way she looks. She has a minor version of body dimorphism, when she looks in the mirror she sees someone else looking back, she doesn't recognize herself. Her friends tried to help her but Aurora refuses to see what others see in her. Draco absolutely despised Aurora's belief that she isn't good enough, that she isn't beautiful. He hated every negative thing Aurora thought she was. Because in his eyes Aurora was the prettiest girl he had ever seen.
He was falling for her, he could feel it. The way his heart was beating faster when she came near him. The way he felt nervous around her. For God's sake, it's Draco Malfoy; he never feels nervous, except for when he was with her.
He noticed her eyes, they were fathoms deep–with doubt, longing, suffering, hope. It was so easy to fall into them. He wanted to hold her hand, to dance in the rain with her, to do all the stupid things couples do. Draco even feels Aurora's pain and he genuinely wants to help her, but he has no idea how. It's killing him to see her in so much pain.
Draco was aware of the fact that he was falling in love with her but he made himself not think this. Not when she was sleeping so peacefully next to him. She looked so calm and angelic.
He decided that he would grab some breakfast for them since Aurora presumably didn't eat much yesterday. She never ate much when she was alone or when she thought that nobody would notice. When she ended up in the hospital 2 years ago, nobody would've thought that she was there because she had problems with eating. Since then her whole friend group is making sure that she eats enough.
Draco grabbed a bottle of water and some pieces of bread for her. He hoped that Aurora was still sleeping so he could give her breakfast in bed. But when he came back to his dorm he heard the shower already running and he was met with an empty bed. Draco grabbed a book and started to read, patiently waiting for Aurora.
Aurora walked out of the bathroom and the first thing Draco noticed was that she was wearing his shirt. It looked like a dress on her since Draco is much taller than her. She noticed him staring at her and gave a soft smile, "Hi, Dray, I'm wearing your shirt because I didn't have any other clothes," He nods.
"Goodmorning, love. My shirt looks good on you," Draco says smiling. "I grabbed us some breakfast," He adds while pointing to the plate of food for her. She grabs the plate and walks over to the bed, where Draco is sitting, and she sits next to him. "Thank you," Aurora lays her head on his shoulder, nibbling on a piece of bread while he reads to her.
"You're the only thing that makes sense right now. Everything else is just— the world is so loud, and the only time it feels quiet is when I'm with you." Aurora said, not daring to look Draco in his eyes. Draco felt his heart warm at this. "You're really cute, you know" He gently strokes her hair with one hand, and with the other, he lays his book down so he could lift her chin up.
Her head was tilted somewhat by his hand so he could look into her eyes. "I know you're going through a rough time. If there is anything I could help you with, you'll tell me right?" His silvery eyes looked back into Aurora's brown ones.
"I would tell you, Draco, don't worry about me, okay?" She says, trying to reassure him. Draco reads to her for a little longer and then goes to the common room. All Aurora's friends are in the common room, but she doesn't want to see them.
So now she's sitting in the middle of Draco's bed, her knees curled up to her chest. Aurora bites down on her nails until she feels blood dripping down from her fingertips. She sits here alone with cracked lips and a wounded soul. She didn't know what to do with herself. The numbness was unbearable.
Aurora realized that it would probably take hours before Draco would come back. She was stuck here, she didn't have another place to go to and even if she wanted to go to some other place then she must walk through the common room. That was not an option.
It was sorrowful; the silence was too much for her to bear, and she couldn't take it any longer. So she listened to music, which helped at first but only for a short amount of time. Because she was soon buried in her thoughts yet again. She was hearing the voices again.
The voices scared her. They were saying all the lies again and she has heard them all before. The whispers she heard when she was in the crowd. How they've made her cry a thousand times before. She wasn't ready this time, She thought that they were gone. They fill her up with lies and they pull down the blinds. These voices and their venom, slowly poison Aurora to death.
They won't leave her alone and they are her constant source of torture. She believes them; the lies. How could she not? She tries to block them out but it's too late already. There's nowhere she can hide anymore.
Aurora enters the bathroom and examines the cupboard above the sink. She searched for pills but was unable to find any. Her sight was then drawn to the razor blades. It was a stupid idea, although she has done this before. She couldn't stop her hands from reaching out to grab them.
She kneeled down and sat with her back against the wall on the floor. She looked at the blades in her hand and then pushed her sleeve out of the way, exposing her skin. She wanted to feel something, no she needed to feel something.
She slid the blade deep into her arm, breathing heavy, trying so hard to hold in her emotions, yet release all her feelings. The pain distracts her from the voices. The blood runs down her arm, like thin rivers, the drops of red, that make her shiver.
She wants to cut so deep that she might not survive the blood loss. She wants to cut so deep that these voices finally leave her alone. The blood gives her satisfaction. She can't stop until she sees enough. The blade falls from her hands and the blood trickles down. What has she done?
Her flesh is red and sore and she feels regret. She could have asked for help but she thought that she could handle this alone. She could never handle this alone, so why did she think that she could do it this time? She just wanted to shut the voices out.
Aurora throws the blade away and forces herself to wash off the blood so she can push her sleeves down. This was just a one-time thing, just a relapse. She exits the bathroom and lies down on Draco's bed. She curls herself up into a ball and tries to fall asleep.
