Endless Addiction | Completed

52

Analia Rayne ||

This isn't real.

They lower the casket down into the hole. I watch it go down with him in it. With my heart in it.

Never would I have thought I would be dressed in black going to someone I love-loved funeral. This shit can't be real.

I don't feel real.

A single tear falls down my cheek and I wipe it away. They start throwing dirt on the casket slowly covering it up.

I feel a pair of arms wrap themselves around my shoulders. I look to my side and see it's Gio. He stares at me through my shades before kissing my forehead.

That's the first time he's done that in the longest.

Before, I believe, he was too angry at me. He could barely look at me. Touch me. Even leave his room. He spent four days without eating until I forced it into his mouth. He wasn't the only person I watch fall apart in front of me though.

Apollo, Elijah, Anderson, yeah even Anderson. Lincoln and Carter. If Gio wasn't the biggest mess it would've been Apollo. When I broke down in Gio's arm, Apollo heard me say how his heart stopped beating. He threw a chair at the wall and started crying. It was my fault they felt so much pain. My doing.

I walk out of Gio's hold feeling too guilty to be touched by him. I walk closer to the hole and throw in my rose. I bend down to the hole and squint my eyes.

"R.K." is engraved on the casket. It's a beautiful black casket. Hm. He would've loved it.

I hear an ear-screeching cry come from the other side. It's Ryder's mom, Jackie. I can't even look at her. Just hearing her cry makes me want to throw myself over to her and get on my knees telling her how sorry I am. The pain she must be feeling right now is no pain I wish on a mother. Losing your child. Your second time losing one. I can't even breathe right now. With each cry, she lets out the air becomes thicker. I need to getaway. I stand up from the floor and walk the other way.

Something wet hits my face and I look up. It's raining. I walk even slower knowing it's about to rain down on me. The rain suddenly becomes harder and the cold water hits me.

I stop and just stand there as the water hits me.

Surprisingly the water brings me warmth. This is a coincidence because the water is freezing. The warmth of the rain is the first thing I've felt in weeks.

Before that, I'd been numb. I don't even know how to feel anymore. I always think I'm out of tears but once my face hits my pillow and his scents make it to my nose, tears come out. His scent on our bed is slowly starting to fade away. I've tried spraying his cologne on it but it's just not the same.

I've worn most of his shirts as I just sit on my chair in the room and stare at the window.

You know that one scene in Twilight, where it's Bella looking out the window and months just pass by and she just stays still? I never thought I would feel that. Be in her place.

Yet, I am.

I feel every single thing that Bella felt that whole time. It's heart-wrenching pain. Except for the only difference between me and Bella, is she got Edward back. I didn't get my Edward back. I'll never get Ryder back.