Endless Addiction | Completed

54

Ryder Kingston ||

I don't know how to feel or think about what she said to me.

Neither can I stop thinking about it.

I mean it's all I can think about while I rot here in this bed listening to Gio talk about kiwis. Fucking kiwis.

"I'm just saying," he fucking continues, "they're all fluffy and shit. Like why is my fruit I'm eating fluffy? That doesn't even sound good."

"Aren't kiwi's your favorite fruit?"

"Yes, but they're still weird. Weirdly good too." I almost grab the plastic knife next to me on the tray of disgusting food, and stab into Gio's neck.

But then I remember if I do we might share a room. I can't do that to myself.

I resist picking your knife and just lay back down. Gio's mouth finally closes. Peace.

"Thinking about Ana?" My head snaps up and my eyes burn into his head. No more peace.

I don't answer his question and just turn around so my back is facing him. Sometimes I forgot that he's my best friend and knows what I'm thinking.

I honestly don't know where I would be without him. He's been my best friend since my brother died. Look at that I can say it without choking on my words. Analia would be- never mind. Not her place anymore nor mine. But I'm finally accepting my brother is gone. Finally accepting it's okay to have a best friend other than my brother. I refocus back on Gio's question.

I am thinking about her. Every second, every minute, every hour, every day. It's her. It's her on my mind. Her words that she said to me yesterday, engraved into my head. Fucking words that I can't get rid of. When she walked out of the room I wanted to get out of bed and run after her and told her we could fix everything. But I refrained from doing so.

For multiple reasons.

Number one, I'm still angry at her-upset at her. Angry's just not the right word. My body was attached to the bed like it was hot glued on. Number two, I couldn't physically get out of bed. All the pain that happens when I move just an inch, wouldn't let me even move my feet towards the floor. So I laid back down and just watched her through the window as she left. But there was an expression on her face that made me, calm.

For the first time in these past few days, she was relaxed. It was like all the weight was lifted off of her shoulders. She looked okay.

Shut up brain. I can't be thinking about her right now. Right now it's about me. I have to stop doing this to myself.

"Come on, man. Talk to me. I'm your best friend," he pleads. I turn around roll my eyes and sit up. "What did she say to you yesterday?"

"She just apologized for everything," I begin explaining to him, "She owned up for her wrongs, told me why she did what she did, and told me how felt."

Gio looks almost confused like I didn't just fucking explain it perfectly, "Then why aren't you two making love to each other right now?"

"Because... I can't forgive her right now. I need time to do that. I need time to really think through this, Gio. I can't just welcome her back with open arms and act like everything is okay. I can't give her false hope."