Endless Addiction | Completed

58

Analia Rayne ||

Two weeks.

That's how long it's been since we've talked. For once, I don't feel sad about it. Maybe a little relieved.

I don't know if that's bad to say, I feel a little guilty for saying it. I just feel relieved because I've been worrying so much about Ryder and not about myself.

That night Ryder said everything to me. I broke down. Terribly.

~~
Two weeks ago.

Everything is a mess.

I'm a mess, my room is a mess, everything is a mess. I came into my room storming in and something took over. I grabbed one thing and another thing after throwing it to the floor.

Some of it was Ryder's clothes, some of it was just things, random things. All ending up on the cold floor.

I'm surprised no one has walked in and told me how loud I've been making in here. I'm on the floor with hot tears streaming down my face. My back is against the wall.

I've cried everything out. I've cried out everything that not nothing is left. I feel so numb.

I feel like a terrible person. Overall.

I get up from the floor forcing myself up. I walk into the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. Mascara is running down my face, my nose is runny, my eyes are brimming with red, and my hair is a mess. I clean myself up with some cold water pulling myself together. I look at myself in the mirror and give myself an encouraging smile.

But I don't feel anything from it. Nothing. Absolute nothingness.

More tears even come out and I keep trying to force the falling smile. I'm exhausted. My knees give up under me and I fall to the ground.

I've ruined everything. With everyone. I cant feel my hands, my face, my legs, I want to feel. I need to feel cause I feel like I'm dying. So I do. I let out a punch to the floor. A painful punch out of exhaustion and pain, crying out for a break. I hear my door burst open.

My chest is hyperventilating and no air is coming in. I don't know why his words hit me so hard. I just think I was already standing on a piece of string and it's suddenly been clipped. One person's words are the scissor.

The bathroom door opens and it reveals Gio. He rushes over to the floor and I feel his hands all over me. He's checking to see if I hurt myself. I didn't. Not the way he's looking for. Can't say I didn't think of it though.

"Ana? Ana? I need you to look at me," I look up at him but I can't because all the tears are covering my vision. "Did you hurt yourself?"

I don't answer and not because it's true, because I can't move. "Answer me, Ana!"

"No-No. I didn't," I choke out. "I'm-tired-I just-feel so numb."

I can feel him from under me freezing.Then he's moving me into his chest cuddling me. He's rocking me back and forth as he strokes my hair back. "You're okay. I'm here. Your best friend."

I try forcing a smile but my hyperventilating body won't let me. I grip onto his shirt as I try breathing.

"Listen," he moves my face up looking at him, "I don't know what that dickhead of a best friend said to you but whatever he said isn't true. He's mad. You've both been through so much in a little bit of time. You're both overwhelmed especially him. So whatever he said don't believe it. Okay? Just breathe."