Lockdown | Harry Styles | AU

Chapter 39

How I picture Derek 👆🏻...

2 years ago...

The dull pain Harry felt in his chest was almost unbearable.

For what had felt like an eternity, his heart had continued to physically ache in his rib cage, the sensation making his very bones throb with anguish.

The knots that constantly tangled in his stomach only pushing his anxiety to spike even more, the dread of it coursing through his body.

His entire self shivering with the overflow of adrenaline, spurred on by the thoughts in his head that only added to his suffering.

He had never been so destroyed before.

Riddled with a sense of urgency and emotional panic, Harry let his feet carry him down the long corridor, his thick legs taking huge strides as he quickly turned the corner. The same walk he had done many times before— except this time he had the worst hangover of his life— and he felt like he was losing everything...

However, in all fairness, since his last conversation with Aubrey almost 2 months ago, Harry hadn't gone a day where he hadn't been drunk or hungover.

Since the 'breakup', consuming as much alcohol as his body could take is all he seemed to want to do, even more than usual that is.

Of course he had always been a big drinker. He loved the feeling of being drunk. He loved the warm fuzzy euphoria that built up in his stomach and washed over his body after a few drinks. It was relaxing, numbing. Getting drunk was always his go to. Whether something bad, stressful, or good had happened, Harry always loved the excuse to have a drink.

But this time it was different. This time he did it to rid himself of the longing he felt. He wanted to take away the need he felt to be with Audrey again. He wanted to drink away his heartbreak.

However, drinking was also the only way for him to be able to pass out at the end of every day, because the nights were the worst. Tossing and turning in bed, his mind working over time as he thought of nothing but Aubrey.

Her smile. Her eyes. Her laugh. Her voice. Her body. Her words. Her kisses. Her touch.

How she made him feel. How he had felt around her. How he was head over heels for her.

How he had been so stupid to let it get this far...

Harry's feet finally stopped once he reached his destination. His lean, tall body now standing stiffly in front of the wooden door that belonged to Aubrey's flat.

He knew he had no right to be here. Turning up unannounced after two months of not speaking. He even used the spare key she had given him when they were together to get into the building. He was completely out of order... but he had to do something.

He wanted her back.

Although, what if she wasn't even home? It was a Sunday afternoon after all, perhaps she was out enjoying the beautiful summers day? Maybe having lunch with her friends or walking through the park.

However deep down Harry desperately hoped that Aubrey was just curled up in bed crying over him. The image of her depressingly pining for him just as much as he had pined for her over the past 2 months giving him a small ounce of relief.

But it was short lived.

Short lived because when he finally plucked up the courage to knock on the door. Running his hands through his messy curls and rubbing his dry pink lips together. Waiting anxiously as he swallowed back the sickness that washed through him, which he wasn't sure was due to nerves or the few shots of whiskey he had put in his coffee this morning.