schizo // heathers

four

Once JD finished cleaning me up, he turned off the water and wrapped me up in a large fluffy towel. He kissed the top of my head and smiled sadly at me before wrapping a towel around his waist. We went back to his room and I wasn't surprised that he dressed me. He always liked doing that. He loved dressing and undressing me. There's a reason I said I was like a Barbie doll to him.

After we were dressed, he brushed my hair and pet my head gently before he spoke. "You can stay up here if you like." He told me.

"That'd be better than the basement." I mumbled back to him. I didn't feel confident enough to speak loudly around him. I mean, he just raped me.

"Well I'm putting a lot of trust in you to not run." He said.

That's a poor decision.

"Okay." I smiled weakly at him before he kissed my head and left the room. A minute or so later, I heard the front door slam shut. I heard his bike start and pull away. I waited for a few minutes, making sure I just heard silence. I stood up, walked to the door and opened it. Then I ran down the stairs. Once I was down there, I was hit in the head with something heavy. I fell to the floor.

"You failed." JD informed me, snickering lightly. I looked up at him, he was holding a phone book of all things. "Did you know phone books don't leave marks?" He asked me.

"Please don't hurt me." I begged him, starting to cry. "I just want to go home." I sobbed as I collapsed further and further into a puddle of tears.

"You little fool. Haven't you realized?" He questioned me after calling me one of his demeaning nicknames for me.

"Realized what?" I queried in reply.

"The note I left on your desk was a suicide note, Veronica." He stated, his tone harsh as he broke this news to me. "Your parents think you're dead." He went on.

"You're lying." I said, so sure he must be.

"I'm not." He said, grabbing my arm and dragging me to the living room. He shoved me down on the couch and flicked on the news before plopping down next to me. "You'll see."

He's lying. JD always lies to you.

But after about five or so minutes, a picture of me was on there. They reported that my mother found the note this morning and that there was an ongoing search for my body. It's anticipated I didn't get far as I didn't take my car.

And they were right. I wasn't far. I was only about eleven minutes away, cooped up in JD's bedroom. I started to cry harder. JD scooped me up into his arms and rocked me. "It's okay. I'm gonna take good care of you. Don't cry, Veronica." He said in an attempt to soothe me as he wiped away my tears. That didn't stop them from flowing.

Someone will find you eventually, you just have to tough this out.

"Where did you go today?" I asked him, having a sneaking suspicion it had to do with the lie he was telling.

"I went to a short memorial service for you." He admitted shortly. I pried myself out of his grasp and stood up, giving him a look of disgust.

"You went to a fucking memorial service for the girl you kidnapped!?" I shouted at him.

Bad idea, Veronica.

Instantly, JD was standing too and his hands were over my mouth before I could continue yelling at him for being a sick freak. "You dumb bitch." He hissed in my ear. "It would look suspicious for me not to be there. They'd come looking here and then they'd find you." He went on. He released his hands from my face and took a step back.

"I hope someone finds me." I informed him.

"That sounds like the attitude of someone who wants to sit in a basement, alone, doing absolutely nothing." He remarked in a cocky tone of voice.

"I'm sorry." I apologized, even though I wasn't really sorry.

"It's fine. I understand you're having a hard time adjusting to us being together again. Just don't do it again." JD replied before he plopped back down on the couch. He fished a pack of cigarettes and a lighter out of his coat pocket. He quickly lit a cigarette and took a drag. Then he sat it in the ashtray, lit another and patted at the spot next to him. I took the cigarette from him then I sat down.

"Why'd you do this?" I asked him, genuinely wondering why he'd kidnapped me and made it so everyone thought I'd killed myself.

"Because it was the only way you'd be with me." He admitted quietly, not looking at me but instead looking at my hands which he was studying as they held his own.

"JD part of the reason I don't want to be with you is because you hit me." I told him, deciding it'd be in my best interest to not mention the fact that he raped me earlier today. He scoffed, picked up his cigarette and looked me dead in the eyes.

"I don't know how else to love someone." He confessed in that same low tone. He quickly cut his gaze and took a drag off his cigarette. I hadn't even bothered to take a drag off mine until that moment. I had forgotten I'd been holding a lit cigarette. "I don't know any better and neither do you." He went on.

Bullshit. You know better than this. Your dad would never lay a finger on your mom.

"I'm scared of you, JD." I told him. "Is that what you want?" I questioned additionally.

Yes.

"No." He answered slowly.

"Then stop hurting me." I pleaded with him.

He won't.

"I can't." He argued with me. "This is all I know." He added.

What a shocker, the abusive asshole won't stop being abusive.

"Fine then." I sighed, taking another drag off of my increasingly small cigarette. I had been flicking the ash into the tray balancing on JD'a thigh.

"What's that mean?" He asked, his tone turning accusatory as he put out his cigarette after taking a final long drag.

"Nothing." I mumbled a lie to him. "It just means that I suppose I'll just have to accept it." I explained myself after he scowled at me for lying at first.

"Why's that?" He queried as he took the cigarette from my hand and butted it out.

"It's because I'm not strong enough to fight against you." I answered him.

"You outweigh me." He reminded me before taking the ashtray and putting it on the coffee table.

God, he's such a fucking dickhead.

"Thanks for the not so nice reminder." I snapped at him. Before I knew it, his hand was on my neck and he was squeezing lightly. It wouldn't leave any marks behind, that I knew. But it would still really fucking hurt my feelings.

"Seriously. Cut the fucking attitude." JD warned me.

Apologize.

"I'm sorry. It's just that you know I'm insecure about my body." I said, informing him why he had offended me.

"You're too sensitive." He scolded me.

Drop it.

So I did. I dropped all of it. I let go of the fact that he abuses me, I had no choice but to accept it. I had to make peace with the sexual assaults because he'd get sex when he wanted it. I just wasn't willing to give it anymore. And I had to come to terms with the fact that the more time I spent around JD, the more Heather's voice piped up in my head.