[ COMPLETED ] • [ EDITED ]
Nadia Valiente's disappearance has always been a mystery to her friend, Marina. By how her alleged suicide took place, up to the position that she was in whilst on that river, soaked to death, felt like an unsealed package...
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MARINA
I stare at the blank ceiling for hours already, but I still couldn't sleep. Sa palagay ko'y mag-aalas dose na ng hapon dahil unti-unti ko nang nararamdaman ang pagkapaso ng aking likuran sa aking kama.
The kiss we shared has been bothering me ever since I got out of Aki's car. And his words. He said that he likes me. And I think he meant it romantically, because he kissed me first before saying that.
Hindi ko alam ang dapat kong maramdaman. Or maybe I do know what I feel, I just keep on denying it because it's not the answer I want to hear from myself.
Do I like Aki the way he likes me? Or am I having fun just because he's the only one who'd come out with me?
I don't know. All I know is whenever I think that I just happened to like Aki because he's there with me all the fucking time, it makes my stomach churn. It doesn't sound right. It doesn't make me feel right about everything.
But do I even have time for this shit? Kulang na nga lang ay wala na akong tulog dahil sa kakahagilap sa kung sinong pumatay kay Nadia, tapos papasok pa 'ko sa panibagong butas? I can't. Not right now.
I grab my phone and dial Aki's number. Sa paglipas ng bawat segundo na hindi niya sinasagot ang tawag ko ay palakas nang palakas ang kabog ng dibdib ko. The call ended without him picking it up.
Maybe he's still mad. Or hurt.
I think he has the rights to be either of the two. Maybe because I gave him the wrong idea?
No. It's entirely my fault.
I did give him a hint, but I keep denying it the moment he got the message. I'm a fucking scumbag. A total mess.
I typed a message but later on deleted it. Maybe he needs some time to reflect on how stupid liking me is. Or maybe he doesn't want to talk to me, ever. The idea of us not having a conversation again made my heart shrink.
I don't want him gone. But I can't make a move to make him stay.
So I think I just have to let things go the way they're supposed to. Besides, I need some rest, too.
Napagdesisyunan kong maglinis na lang ng kwarto at baka sakaling dalawin ako ng antok. I stand up, even if my feet feel so heavy, and I head to the bathroom. Inuna ko munang inumin ang mga gamot ko para sa araw na ito bago ko sinimulang i-vacuum ang sahig.
Ngayon ko lang napansin na nagkalat pala ang maruruming mga damit ko rito sa paligid ng aking kama. Prente ko silang dinampot saka inilagay sa laundry basket. Maybe I'm going to wash my clothes, too.
