To have and to loathe

• 𝐂hapter 36

Hi everyone!

So, guess who decided to catch the flu?

Me. :'(

I was too dizzy I couldn't edit this properly. I'm sorry in advance.

Thank you for the undivided support so far. I'm here smiling like an idiot with a red nose right now bcos you guys have made me the happiest. 💕

Enjoy!

Killian was reading something in a magazine when eating and my traitorous eyes continued to steal glances at him, willfully taking note of the look of disgust plastered on his face.

It had been a few days since the incident happened and I felt a lot better. Well, except for the dizzy spells here and there, but the doctor assured me that it would wear off soon.

It was a very big eye-opener for both Killian and me; realizing we could lose what we had at any moment.

Over these past days of the incident, he'd been particularly vigilant to my needs, asshole standpoint aside, he oddly cared for me; from making sure I ate on time, to placing me on bed parole, to even offering me a belly massage when I complained of abdominal cramps.

It was selfish of me but at some point, I had wished this would last. I'd wished I could get more, more than just his genuine care for his baby. I think it hurt most knowing that he'd never feel that way about me. He had made it clear on several accounts that he did not love me and most likely never would. And I didn't love him too, I was sure I didn't. He was a hard man to be with but yet—

"If you keep staring at me, I'm going to have a hole in my forehead." His words startled me, bringing me back to my senses.

My eyes immediately fell to my plate of food and I cleared my throat. "Just curious as to what you are reading."

"It's an article." He made a disgusted sound. "An old friend of mine is getting married."

"If he's your friend don't you think you should try to be a little bit happy for him instead of looking like, well what you look like right now."

He looked up at me from the magazine and cocked an incredulous brow. "Why?"

"Because he found love, I mean he's getting married so he must love her."

"Love?" He laughed mockingly. "I beg to differ."

"Love exists, Killian."

He regarded me smugly. "Says the woman who said she'd given up on it."

I rolled my eyes. "I know what I said and I realized I was wrong. I mean, haven't you ever thought how it'd be to care for someone, grow old with someone?"

He shrugged. "Men don't want to grow old, that's why we keep seeking younger women."

I gave an unladylike snort. "Well I beg to differ, there are men out there who want to settle with one woman, you could be one of them too if you lower your asshole shield to the ground."