To have and to loathe

• 𝐂hapter 40

My mind barely focused on the road as buildings and trees passed me.

Something changed after our visit to the hospital. For the first time, it really hit me that things were getting serious between Killian and me, and neither one of us had the ability to stop it.

Unable to concentrate on anything but the conversation Mr. Edward and I had, I plumped my hand underneath my chin and continued to stare out the window as we glided back into the city.

"You alright?"

Startled, I turned to look at Killian. "Just a little tired that's all."

When I turned back to stare blankly out the window, I felt his gaze on me but he didn't comment as he just continued to drive.

At some point, he put on classical music and stayed completely quiet. I on the other hand felt my stomach knot with worry and confusion at the uncertainty my future now held. Or maybe it was that staying that long in the hospital made me feel vaguely nauseated because the moment we arrived home, I felt sick and made a mad dash for the bathroom to retch all over the toilet.

Killian came behind me immediately and held my hair out of my face and I shivered a little when his hand came down on my back and slowly rubbed me.

When I was sure that my stomach was empty, I got up and flushed then walked to the sink to rinse my mouth.

He stood inches away, looking pensive. "Are you okay?"

I gurgled my mouth and spat into the sink. "Yeah, I'm fine." My voice was rough and scratchy from nearly puking my guts out. I sort to move away from the sink but I ended up clinging to it as my vision blurred for a moment.

"Sure I don't need to call a doctor?" He was behind me, holding me up.

"No, I'm fine. I just need to catch my breath and-oh." My words trailed off as I swayed again, right into his arms that now wrapped around my lower body tightly.

"You're burning up, Hope."

"That's odd, I feel cold, but I'm sure it's nothing." I was trying to assure him but he gave me an assessing look and let out a long sigh as he touched my forehead with the back of his hand. "You probably have a fever." He groaned. "This is the reason I don't want you working. It's not good for you to be active right now."

I rolled my eyes at him and pulled away, unwilling to admit that my legs were about to give out. "I'm not an egg. And women have been having babies under much more difficult conditions."

"You're not other women, you're you and you're a klutz so pardon me if I don't trust you enough to take care of yourself."

I was going to snap back at him but a yelp left my throat instead when he swept me off my feet and into his arms without warning. "W-What are you doing?"