To have and to loathe

• 𝐂hapter 6

    I tried to get enough air, I tried to breathe properly, but the pain I felt was so intense that I wasn't sure I could win the battle. My arms wrapped tightly around myself. It felt like I was falling apart. I'd never felt this way before. It was new. Unwanted. I never wanted to experience it again.

       "Hope, please tell me what went wrong," Lesley implored, handing me another roll of tissue wipes. "I can't help you if you don't tell me what happened."

   I shook my head, tears falling from both sides of my eyes as I blew into the wipe and tossed it aside. I made a total fool of myself.

     Stupid, stupid! What was I honestly expecting?

    Lesley bit her lip, blowing a heavy huff of what could only be frustration. "You burst inside your house bawling your eyes out, and now you expect me to sit and watch like nothing happened?"

    I closed my eyes, inhaled, and forced myself to stop crying. Killian Fobster was an asshole who didn't deserve my tears. He didn't deserve this baby.

     "Fine, don't tell me," Lesley spoke after a minute of staring at me. "But I'm not going to stay here and watch you cry. I'm leaving."

    She got up abruptly, about to walk out on me. That was the last thing I needed right now. "Lesley..." My voice broke. I couldn't even make out words. She turned to stare at me and looking at her brought fresh tears to my face. "He rejected it...he...he told me to get out of his office...he..."

     I choked and lowered my head down. Shame pricked my chest. I'd never felt so useless in my entire life and I just wanted to end this. I wanted to end it all.

       "Hope." I felt her wrap her hand around me as she came back to sit. "If he doesn't want anything to do with it, that's his loss. We can still make him pay for child support or something." She wiped my tears away with the back of her hand. "Who needs a man anyway, there are a lot of happy single mothers out there. Besides you have me."

    My shoulders shook with a pathetic laugh. "What do you know about pregnancies?"

    She shrugged. "Not much but I'll rub your feet when you're all cranky, and, I could follow you to those weird check-up sections."

       "You mean ultrasound?"

    She nodded. "I'm your best friend too, Hope. I love you and want what's best for you and I'm not going to leave your side for anything."

    I nodded and thanked her, just about when my front door opened and there was only one person who owned a spare key to my apartment.