To have and to loathe

• 𝐂hapter 65

I was in a complete daze when I walked back into my apartment.

My heart broke and it felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. I didn't want to believe that Killian was gone. I didn't want to believe that he had left me again. Maybe it was all a dream, maybe if I closed my eyes or if I pinched myself hard enough he'd—

"Great, you're back," Scott's voice pulled me out of my tailspin. He stepped out of my kitchen with a cup of coffee in his hand and looked at me like nothing had happened; like he hadn't just sold his pride and driven the love of my life out of the door. "Now that you're here, we can talk about your flight schedule."

My fist clenched by my side. When I said nothing but glared at him with all the hate and anger and fury I could muster, he released a long breath.

"Come on, why are you looking at me like that." He walked toward me and stretched out his cup. "Drink this, you'll feel better."

I slapped his hand along with the cup out of my face and watched as it shattered to pieces on the floor. Just like my heart.

He looked down at the mess I made and grimaced. "Why in the world would you do that?"

"Because I don't want your stupid coffee." I spat. "Because the mere sight of you is sickening and I want you to leave."

He narrowed his eyes in displeasure. "Quit being silly, we have important matters to discuss."

I reached for my stomach and clutched it. The pain I felt was so immersed it took all my strength to hold it inside. "Have my feelings ever mattered to you?"

He groaned. "Now's not the time for this, we need to focus on—"

"You don't care. You don't care about me, do you?" I cut him, searching his eyes.

He sighed and pushed his hair out of his face. "I never said I didn't."

"Your actions show it. Everything you've done today shows you don't care about me, you don't care about my happiness. I'm sick of the way you treat me and I won't let you control my life anymore. Get out. I don't want to see you."

He sighed in exaggeration and brushed the air out of his face. "Look, I know you are angry with me, but I want you to see that I'm only doing what's best for you."

"What's best for me? How is any of this best for me?!" I bit, my chest heaving as I breathed hard. "I am currently pregnant and going through a lot of stress but you didn't care about that when you barged into my house and beat up Killian!"

"None of this would have happened if you didn't let him in here in the first place!" He bit back, glaring at me.

"We were working things out!" Tears blurred my eyes, angry, viscous tears. "But you just had to ruin everything because that's what you do, that's what you've always done!"