'It's only a year, Kaz.'
You said it in a simple way. But what Kaz was feeling right then was anything but simple.
It was 4:00 AM, the second week since Inej had left. Sailed away on The Wraith, possibly never to return.
"How strange that I don't know you at all. I didn't know you'd care so much." Jesper was saying, but Kaz didn't hear him.
One last goodbye, then Inej had boarded her ship. Kaz had felt like he was about to fall.
He had told himself, don't get attached, but in his mind he played it back, over and over, spinning faster than the wind that took her.
That's when the feeling sunk in.
I don't want to miss you like this. Come back, be here. He thought, desperately. Come back. Be here. He looked over at the pile letters on his desk, the ones from Inej, and the ones he wasn't sure he should send. 'I guess you're in Ravka today. I don't want to need you this way. Come back. Be here.'
Kaz remembered the delicate beginning rush, the feeling that you can know so much without knowing anything at all.
'Now that I can put this down I know that if I had known what I know now I never would have played so nonchalant. Now that you aren't here, this is when the feeling sinks in. I don't want to miss you like this. Come back. Be here. I guess you're in Novyi Zem today. I don't want to need you this way. Come back. Be here. This is falling in love in the cruelest way. This is falling for you and you're worlds away. But you're in Ravka and I break down because it's not fair that you're not around. This is when the feeling sinks in, I don't want to miss you like this. Come back, be here. Come back. Be here.'
Oh, why wouldn't she just come back? He couldn't take another moment of her being so far away, let alone a whole year. He didn't want to miss her like this, to need her like this. It was falling in love in the cruelest way.
Come back. Be here.
"Kaz! Are you even listening to me? Kaaaz. Kaz, wake up. Aren't you always the one telling me there's work to be done? I get it, Inej is great. She's my best friend too. But you really need to come back to yourself because this sulking and moping isn't getting anything done and if you aren't careful Wylan and I will kidnap you and force you to eat and sleep properly."
Kaz blinked slowly, only barely registering what Jesper was telling him.
"Saints, you are acting so lovesick right now. Kaz!" Jesper clapped his hands loudly in Kaz's face. Kaz jerked back away from him and glowered at the sharpshooter.
"Fuck off."
"You're back! What a momentous occasion. The first time in a week, too. Come on, I don't care if I have to drag you out of here, you're coming to lunch."
"Fine, fine. I'm going."
"Exellent! We're having waffles by the way, and I don't want to hear one complaint."
"I have several." But Kaz's lips twisted into the first smile in months, or the closest Kaz ever got to a smile. Jesper was just glad to have his friend back.
If only Inej was there, everything would be perfect. Even though she wasn't, the two of them still managed to be sort of okay.
For now.
Come back...Be here.
