Kaz felt like the water when Inej's ship rolled in that night, just like every time since the first time he'd seen her at the Menagerie. He was rough on the surface but she always cut through like one of her prized knives named after her beloved Saints. If whatever it was between them was an open-shut case, Kaz never would have known from the look on her face when she saw him waiting for her at Fifth Harbor as she docked. Kaz was lost in her current like a priceless wine.
The more that she told him how she believed he could be good, the less he knew for certain.
He was a monster, they both knew it, but she made him believe he could be more, too.
Wherever she strayed on the ocean, he wished he could be there too, wished he could follow. But the sea wasn't for him, and the land wasn't for her.
As she stood in front on him, he was silently begging for her to take his hand and wreck his plans, as she always did.
That's my girl.
Life was a willow and it bent right to her wind. Even the way she walked was as if the world were smoke and she was just passing through.
At night when he rested his head on his pillow he could feel her sneaking in. Every night he dreamed of her coming back and deciding she wanted to stay. Stay in Ketterdam, stay with him.
Inej was snuck her way into every single aspect of his life, and before he knew it, she was everywhere. Kaz wasn't sure he wanted her to leave.
As if she was a mythical thing, like just a minute with her was a trophy or a champion ring, and there was one prize he would cheat to win.
The more that you say, the less I know. Wherever you stray, I follow. Anywhere you aren't is hollow. I'm begging for you to take my hand, wreck my plans. That's my girl.
~
Life was a willow and it bent right to your wind. Inej thought every time she watched him lie, scheme, manipulate, and outsmart his way out of yet another seemingly impossible corner. Every bait and switch was a work of art.
Wait for the signal and I'll meet you after dark.
These past couple of nights Kaz had been trying to talk to her, attempting to open up and show her the places where others had given him scars. He'd told her about his family back in Novyi Zen before they'd all died one by one. He'd told her about how he held tight to his big brother's hand as they sailed to Ketterdam for the first time. Inej could tell how hard it was for him to talk about Jordie, his perfect brother who was arrogant and ignorant and irresponsible.
You were a kid, Kaz. She would remind him. Both of you. You can't expect to be old when you're still young. Don't be angry you loved your brother. When things go wrong, it isn't because you did something wrong. Sometimes you can do everything right and it still goes wrong. The key is to never stop doing right.
The more that you say, the less I know. Kaz would tell her angrily. I'm not a good person. Stop acting like I can and want to be.
He would always say things like that, and Inej didn't know what to say, what to think, what to feel.
Because then there would be times like the third time she'd gone away and come back.
Wherever you stray, I want to follow.
Inej would silently beg for him to take her hand, and wreck her plans, like he would if he knew he could. She did want him to, she wanted him to come with her. Ketterdam was not good for him, and it wasn't good for her. The Barrel wasn't good for anyone, and Inej did her best to try and reduce the number of girls it actually got to get to.
I'm begging for you to take my hand, wreck my plans. That's my man.
Inej ran to Kaz, grinning like the lovesick idiot she was. She didn't mind, because he was, too.
"You're back." He said. "You're not dead."
"You don't have to sound so shocked." She teased. "You're the Barrel boss, not me. I don't get into gang wars. And I'm not called the Wraith for nothing."
"No, you're out on the open sea with no land for miles and nowhere to run if you get hurt or sink. Have I mentioned how much I hate boats?" Inej laughed but she knew what he really meant.
Kaz was terrified of only a few select things. Touch, his past, losing the few people he cared about, and water. She didn't quite understand why yet, and she couldn't ask him. Inej wasn't certain he knew she knew he was afraid of the ocean. But she knew Kaz, probably better than anyone else, and she knew how he got when he was afraid.
He was very good at hiding it, but that was what gave him away.
Kaz would get quiet and seem to clutch his cane a little tighter. Sometimes he would flex his fingers to feel the pull of his leather gloves, to remind himself he had his armor and that he was safe.
Inej knew he feared for her when she was out on the open sea. They both knew it was incredibly dangerous to seek out combat on the ocean. Inej knew the risks and she chose to take them.
Normally, she would have been offended he worried for her. She could handle herself perfectly fine. If Inej could survive the Barrel and breaking in and out of the Ice Court, she could survive just about anything.
But this was different.
He wasn't afraid of her incompetence, but the hit streak the ocean seemed to have on his family. Since Jordie had died in Ketterdam, he would have been taken to the Reaper's Barge. Inej knew the two were linked somehow.
Maybe someday she would ask Kaz about it.
But now Kaz was beside her once more and there were days together to be had. She couldn't think about dead brothers or the ocean or even anything but them together once more.
He always seemed to have that effect on her. Like life was a willow and it bent right to his wind.
Begging for you to take my hand, wreck my plans. That's my man.
