A Sinful Forbidden Affair

Chapter 40

Apat na taon. 

Apat na taon pa lamang silang kasal ni Era, but it seemed like it was forever already. Ang pangungulila niya kay Michelle ay hindi kailanman marahil mawawala. Mas lalo lamang iyong sumisidhi sa paglipas ng panahon.

Ang totoo? Mahal na mahal pa rin niya ang dating Asawa. Mapakla siyang napangiti. Wala naman siyang ibang sisisihin kundi sarili niya. Ang kanyang sinapit ay parusa sa lahat ng ginawa niyang kamalian.

Tinungga muli ni Zenith ang laman ng baso. 

He had been drinking every night just to help himself fall asleep beside Era. Kung hindi man nakainom, he was drinking sleeping pills. 

He had no choice but to do her bidding. He once tried to sleep in the guest room, Era did the unthinkable, she tried to hurt herself. 

He was concerned not only because that was his responsibility as her husband, but he did care for her. Dahil ito ang ina ng kaniyang mga anak at bilang concerned na tao sa kaniyang kapwa.

Since they got married, hindi na niya magawang maging intimate kay Era. They now had two children. Nabuo ang kanilang bunso habang lasing siya at sinamantala ni Era ang pagkakataon na magawa ang gusto. 

Naiinis si Zenith sa sarili habang pinagpapala ng labi ni Era ang kaselanan niya. Ayaw man niyang pumayag, ngunit ang sistema niya ay puno ng alak. Hindi niya mapananaig ang lakas ng katawan. Ilang beses niyang pinigilan ang katawan na magkaroon ng reaksyon. He tried so much, but he failed. He eventually enjoyed what she was doing to him.

He then realized he was crying while she was moving on top of him. His body reacted.  Nagustuhan ang sensasyon, but his heart and mind? Hindi.

He felt raped after. He felt dirty, wretched, and used. Mas nagagalit siya sa sarili dahil bakit nagustuhan niya ang ginagawa ni Era sa kaniya? Why his body reacted?

Then a few months later, she said she was pregnant again. He couldn't feel happy na magkakaroon na siyang muli ng supling. Gustuhin man niya, ngunit mas nangingibabaw ang pagkamuhi niya sa babaeng minsang inalayan ng pangalan.

Zenith used to love her, but why couldn't he do it now? Lalo na't may dalawa na silang anak. 

Ilang beses na niyang sinabi kay Era to undergo a couple's counselling, ngunit hindi ito pumayag. Ilang beses na rin ba siyang nagpalit ng mga muebles? Hindi na niya mabilang.

Dahil nagwawala ito kapag isinusuhestiyon niya ang psychotherapies. 

He really tried to love Era, again. God know how hard he tried, sinubukan niya. He was head over heels in love with her then. Alam niyang maibabalik muli niya ang pagtingin na inalay niya rito noon. Ninais pa nga niyang ipawalang-bisa ang kasal nila ni Michelle para dito.

Zenith tried to rekindle the fire between them. Mahal na mahal niya ang mga anak nila. Wala itong kinalaman sa kung anuman ang pinagdadaanan niya ngayon. He decides to devote his time and attention to his family, alang-alang sa mga anak, pero hindi niya kayang lokohin ang sarili niya. 

Alam ni Zenith na nabibigyan niya ng false hope si Era dahil sinubukan niyang ibalik ang dati.

 Ang init ng kanilang pagsasama para kay Zandro. But he failed. He tried it again when Esmeralda was born, dahil baka ito na talaga ang tadhana niya. Again, he failed miserably the second time.