.Dear Life.

Depression in detail now that I'm recovering from it.

You know everyone believes that depression is rare or the symptoms of depression in an individual maybe that they're constantly upset or angry or they don't like to socilze, so basically we have stereotype symptoms to define depression and guess what? Every stereotypical symptom you've ever read in social media, is FALSE!

When an individual is depressed, they either function like a robot or they don't function at all. They usually feel sleepy all the time throughout the day and night but still don't sleep. All of their thoughts are taunting towards themselves or are suffocating thoughts that they can't brush off, they don't have any changes in their emotions but are apathetic and unfeeling for the most part.. And last but not least for a victim of depression, the world is colorless, uninteresting and boring. The most noticeable and obvious sign of depression is the unwillingness to work whatsoever and 24/7 drowsiness.

Depression is a disease, spawned from a lot of things,

1. Addiction. It maybe any type of unhealthy addiction that keep you from your day to day life which in turn makes an individual feel worthless and to stop that feeling of worthlessness we tend to shut off our emotions completely, which in turn makes a victim feel nothing but a suffocating indifference in their head, they feel trapped within themselves. Now what sort of addiction may they be? It can be anything, social media, video games, Darkromance novels, porn, attention, beauty, shopping and the list never ends.
And it can be any sort of addiction that keeps us from going forward with our lives, cause you see when you're constantly at something and that something makes you avoid your daily deeds, such as meals, chores, laundry, studying and Etcetera, your brain will automatically feel left out like its purpose being left incomplete, inturn making one feel like they have no purpose.

2. Loss of a social life. As hard as it is to believe us introverts too have social lives, just like an extrovert. But we have smaller groups of friends. If anyone were to loose contact with their friends that drives us down another spiral which is hard to crawl up as the feeling of loneliness can consumea person whole.

3. Constantly feeling drowsy with a permanent lack of motivation. Yes as hard as this is to believe, depressed people are very very lazy and Constantly tend to feel drowsy and they fall asleep no matter how much sleep they have received initially, it's never enough cause the victims have already lost their will to face life. As for the lack pf motivation, no matter how much a depressed person wants to get up and get their shit together, they can't its like your body won't allow you to get the simplest chores done and as your work plies up, so dose your negative emotions and fear of facing you loaded mess of work to be done.

So let me summarize the symptoms an individual suffering from depression is in a very horrible state worse then the cliché shit people imagine. A depressed person will appear to healthy person as a rude, lacking and lazy individual but in reality this person is fighting a constant war with their own demons and maybe it's not noticeable but we hate ourselves more each passing day and "getting your crap together" is easier said then done.

Now I live Ina country where mental health is greatly invalidated. Where its just considered a person making excuses for their worthless Ness. And for me it meant that a therapist is too expensive and hence unavailable and if I do end up seeing someone, then I'm mentally unstable 🙃.

So how did I recover? (Keep in mind I'm no professional these are just what worked for me)

Now let ke discuss my own problems during the quarantine, I lost my social life like many of people, I was literally addicted to the internet and gossips that used to spread and I was more invested on what's going on elsewhere then keeping track of my own life, I got addicted to bad things online which I don't plan on mentioning. I became lazy and slacked off on everything ignored my daily duties. Everyday I hated myself more and everyday I missed who I was and used to be.

Then I realized I'm still the very same person but I'm burying the best of me. So I started on my recovery journey this November. I started changing my perspective of the world around me deleted toxic reading apps like booknet, Dreame and many others so that the toxicity dose not cloud my view of the world around me and so that these toxicity stops clouding my thoughts all day. I stopped researching on celebrity life and started researching on my religion more started studying and caught up with my old hobbies and I slowly noticed that I was more like my true self, the lively girl that I so loved the person who has a life! I started contacting my friends via social media, unsubcribed from gossip channels, subscribed to art, crafts and planting channels. I began getting my life together pushing myself to get through the pile of work I've had lying around for two years . Let me tell it was not easy, I cried of frustration daily till I was somewhat recovering but I did not let myself go reminding myself that I have only one life with no place to regret in it.

First key rule need to follow in order to kick depression out of your life is too keep yourself busy. Like they say an empty brain is the devils workshop. This saying is very true you are more with your demons when you're being lazy then with yourself. A human dose not exist to be useless we exist to function amd if you stop functioning, you are just doing mission self destruction by allowing yourself to be lazy as harsh as it sounds.

Second key rule, get rid of the damn online addiction, DOSENT matter which site it is cut it out. And most if you wattpaders, don't deny that a lot of you love toxic abuse romanticism novels, and do you know what dark fiction like .365 days. for example, do to you? They keep you thinking about the toxicity all day and make you look at everything in a negative light, they occupy more in your head the they should and that in makes you think like that's reality. And indirectly a lot of people start craving toxicity when they romanticize it and they won't even realize it.

Third key rule. Sleep at the right time. Meaning lits put before ten and if not definitely before 12. Now the science behind thus being that your body heals, repairs and produces hormones in-between 10pm to 2am and grows till 4am. So if you're asleep during those times happy hormones will occupy your brain and if your awake then you will feel like a zombie afterwards.

Fourth key rule start organizing your life now, no excuses on that. Start with something small like cleaning your room organizing your space, maybe just sweeping and dusting your floor us something that will make you feel better as you won't want to work when your space is a mess or dirty. Now how do you organize your whole life? Well the process is quite simple make schedules, and start keeping a planner or journal which helps you keep track of your habits your work and your sleep schedule. Give yourself a reminder of what is to happen that day in the morning after you wake up that will help you stay active and remember your errands throughout the days. This will keep your work from piling up and DO YOUR WORK 0N TIME. Every time you see work or chores lying around do it or it will pile up and drag you down.

Fifth key rule reward yourself after you have finished a busy week by doing your work on time, finished a pile of work you had and slept on time. This will make you look forward to being active in life. Give your precious self some care and me time every week if possible.

Last and main rule to follow, maintain an active and healthy lifestyle make plans, meet people, make goals amd work towards them, sleep on time and care for your.

So I would ask you all to apply these rules if possible and know that you won't see results immediately I saw results and improvements in myself after a whole dang month, the feeling of apathy left me after a whole month of pushing myself to get through reminding myself that I have only one life which will not wait for me and that it will end someday so I have no time to sulk it all away. Same goes for you who's reading this do not let yourself sink away learn to swim and stay afloat. Cause recovery is just that hard on some people.

Hope my confession and ways to recover will help some of you stuck in similar places of life.

Wish every reader an awesome rest of your day and stay safe ❤

I love you all.
Byeeeeeeeeeeee 🐾