The Silent Girl

28.

TW-SH

'Ella' 

I had the best day, my birthday. Yesterday.

The boys and my dad, were so good with me. They let me take my time and have a break from pressure. 

Lately, I've had a few things on my mind which I wanted to get out of my mind. So I have decided I'm going to do it. I know that they won't judge me or leave, so I'm not afraid anymore. 

I got changed into a t-shirt and jeans, putting a cardigan over the top of my pure white bandage. I was going to take this off so I'm didn't want a long sleeve top today. 

I invited the boys over, told them to come at about 2pm.  

And here we were, sat around the kitchen table, my leg was bouncing, I was about to say so much that had been in my head for a few days.

"Ella, are you sure you want to do this right now?" My dad asks me, looking concerned.

"Yes yes, there are a few things I really really want to tell you all and get off my chest." I mutter, loud enough for the four of them to hear.

"Ok" My dad mumbles back to me, holding my hand, in between both of his, between the two of us. 

"I erm, want to go back to school. I feel worse at home, I really don't feel good and I want normality." I mumble gently, watching shock appear on their faces. "I don't know what I'm thinking, but I really don't want to be at home alone all the time." 

There is brief pause between us, and I immediately imagine the worse outcome. Saying no. 

"Ella" My dad runs his thumb across the palm of my hand. "Are you sure this is something that you want?"

"Yes" I reply. "And I want h-help" 

"What do you mean help?" My dad mumbles, I pull my hand from his, stand up and begin to take my cardigan. I watched all the boys, including my dad, follow my actions my actions with cautious and worrying eyes.  

My eyes meet my recent and most painful mistake. 

The burn, from a lighter. 

I went for a walk a few days ago and found this lighter on the pavement, it had been the death of me and I regret it so fricking much. 

I look from the burn to my dad who eyes glossed over. He gently takes the underneath of my arm and pulls it closer to him. In which he begins to cry. 

"Why are you doing this, Ella?" He begins to cry, holding my arm rather tightly. Much to tightly for my liking, consisting what I've gone though. 

"I promise I'm not doing this for attention. I'm trying to stop. You know that walk I went on a few days ago, I found this lighter and I-" I pause, looking at my arm. "I put in my drawer and went to sleep. I woke up from a nightmare about mum and I just needed to escape that pain in me so I made a new one, I know dad, I know" By the end of explaining, I'm crying, crying into my dad who was holding me tightly. 

"Where is this lighter now?" My dad asks me, stroking my hair lightly. 

"I gave it to the others" I pull out of the hug my dad was holding me in, I sit down back in the chair and begin to wrap it up again. 

"Guys" My dad's face shoots to the boys and they look back with a sorry look. "When did you find this out?" 

"Yesterday" They all mumble in unison. "We didn't want to ruin Ella's day." 

"Ok, well, Ella, I think we should go to the hospital dear" My dad tells me, looking at me gently, as I pull the cardigan over my bandage that I newly wrapped. 

"Ok dad" 

Ok, I can do this...

'One Hour Later' 

My father and I were sat in the hospital, waiting. 

It was a two hour wait, until we could see someone and we had been here half an hour. 

My dad was busily typing away on his phone, most likely busy involved work, even though he had a day off. 

What worried me the most? The fact he hasn't even looked at me since leaving the house. 

"I'll be back in a second" He mumble, getting up off the chair next to me and leaving, walking off in one direction. 

"Thanks for looking at me dad" I mumble after he's left, shaking my head in frustration. 

"Mummy is missing you" I hear someone whisper in my ear behind me, I do a small half scream and jump off the seat, turning around. 

Behind is a women and next to her is...Amber...? 

"Amber" I mutter, putting my hand to my heart, hearing the fast pace beating. "What are you doing here?" 

"Oh, my mummy is just getting a check up." Amber laughs, holding the women's arm, the one who whispered in my ear. 

"I thought she was in prison too?" I cross my arms in confusion, stepping back slowly. 

"Yeah, she got released but don't worry, our mummy's have plans and we are still visiting your mummy" Amber teases, watching my brows furrow in confusion. 

A name gets called from the distance and Amber turns to her mum. 

"That's you, mum" 

"Nice to meet you, Estella, such a pretty name for an ugly girl and silent girl" The women, who I've yet to learn the name off, says before walking off with her daughter. 

'end of 28.' 

duh...duh...duh 

Posted: 18.5.22