You Can't Lose Me || Shinso x Reader

Chapter 13: It Hurts To See You Go

Warnings: foul language, 

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(y/n)'s POV

The door is open just a crack and I push it open to find Mantani stuffing clothes haphazardly into a duffle-bag. When I give a light knock on the door, she turns around in a quick movement before recognizing me and wiping a tear that had fallen from her eye. Her posture relaxes as she leans against her dresser with her arms crossed

"You can't stop me. You know that, right?" She hissed. 

I move over to her bag and start adding more of her belongings in a more organized fashion, causing her to stammer in confusion.

"You can fit more stuff in here if you don't just throw it in. Try to use every centimeter of space," I instruct as I continue. 

I watch Mantani from the corner of my eye as she hesitates before assisting me. We work in silence until the room is plain and her bags are full.

"Otowa," I call her by her given name, "I don't want to stop you, and I won't. I understand your reasoning; Kanata hasn't been friendly, and this place doesn't feel safe or happy to you anymore. That doesn't mean that I won't miss you though."

"(l/n), you have been so good to me since you first took me in. I have learned so much about my quirk under your guidance, but you're right. I need to leave. I promise to keep in touch." She pauses looking away from me and grabbing her bag off the floor. "Just, be careful around that guy. He's a fucking asshole."

"Kanata's doing the best he can in a world that wants to crumble beneath his feet. Once this is all over with, the stress will be gone, and he'll get better." 

Mantani stares into my eyes with a seriousness I have never seen from her, but it disappears in an instant.

"Sure, whatever. Be sure to write back, okay?" she says gathering the rest of her things.

"Of course."

"Okay. Then goodbye ... (y/n)."

"Bye, Otowa."

When she disappears from my view, I make my way back to the room I know I must return to. I take another deep breath before creaking open the door and peeking inside.

The lamp from one of the side table lies in fractured pieces on the floor – the crash I heard earlier. Kanata's jacket is gone from its hook, but I find it draped over the shoulders of a small figure by the fire. I walk over to Kanata, who sits on the ground with his arms and head resting on his bent knees, and sit beside him. His silver eyes reflect the orange glow of the fire as he gazes contemplatively into the dancing flames.

"Do you hate me?" he mutters.

His question catches me off guard, but he doesn't move a muscle, doesn't even look at me. Since when is he someone to doubt his perceptions?

"You have your dark moments, one of which we had a few minutes ago, but there are plenty of good ones as well. I don't hate you. I don't think I can. You've been my most trusted, and frankly, only friend since I was fourteen. I know how much you try." I answer, slowly picking out the best words to phrase my thoughts with.

He doesn't react much to what I said, and we sit silently in front of the fire for a while just appreciating the other's company. After several minutes, he finally adjusts his position to sit with crossed legs. He fiddles with his fingers and lowers his gaze to the floor.

"I care for your well-being. I always have, but even more so in recent years. You have been my stability while the world revolves around me in a whirlwind of chaos, so I want you to feel as good as you make me.

"I know I yelled at you earlier, but I don't want to see you get hurt again by someone who doesn't care about you. You deserve someone who values you. And if you hadn't come into my life, I would be completely lost, so I want that someone to be me. It might be selfish, but I want you here. I need you here. With me. I couldn't survive without you." He finally looks up at me with glossy eyes and a creased brow.

"I don't care how you want to move on from here, (y/n), just ... just don't leave me, please. It hurts to see you go." His voice cracks. 

He looks down again at his fingers.

I consider his words carefully, waiting for him to tell me this was a joke, but he remains still. Not having the words to answer, I scooch closer to him and gently grab one of his hands in mine intertwining our fingers. It feels nice. He squeezes it tightly as if he were afraid I'd let go.

We stay this close for a while, and eventually, I let my head fall onto his shoulder. I then feel his head rest against mine. My face relaxes into a smile. The fire's heat radiates against my face, and the crackling wood eases the tension in my shoulders. Soon, my eyelids droop down, and I am unsuccessful in suppressing a yawn.

Kanata raises his head off of mine and shuffles his legs in a half circle to point away from the fire, which leaves us in a more comfortable face-to-face position.

"Go to bed. You need your rest." He mutters.

"Can I have a goodnight hug, first? Maybe?" My voice is crackly from not talking for a while, but Kanata's breath hitches all the same. Slowly, he reaches his arms around my waist, and after a moment, nuzzles into my neck; I do the same with my arms around his neck.

Looking down, I find his jacket had fallen to the floor, so I rub smalls circles into his scar. I don't remember the last time either of us received a hug, so the feeling is foreign yet comforting. We spend a whole minute savoring the sensation.

When we reluctantly let go, Kanata takes one look at me before tensing his shoulders and practically jumping onto his feet. He grabs a brush and dustpan from the closet on the opposite side of the room and starts cleaning up the lightbulb shards. I grin at this act: cleaning up and fixing the mess he made. Standing up, I decide to follow his direction heading toward the door.

"By the way," Kanata says without stopping his work, though I halt in place, "I have some admin stuff to do tomorrow; you know, meeting with other organizations and keeping our plan rolling. I'll likely be gone before you wake up, but I will be back as soon as I can. Promise." 

A content smile crosses my face.

"Goodnight, Kanata," I say reaching the doorway.

"Sleep well, (y/n). Sleep well."

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A/N: I promise that this is still a Shinso x reader story, and I promise I have a plan for this. I also want to stress that the relationship between (y/n) and Kanata should not be treated as a role model. "He'll get better." Red flag. "I couldn't survive without you." Red flag. Alright, I'll cut my rant off here. Enjoy the chaos. 

Word Count: 1221