I miss you, Di

20

1997. two years later.  my best friend was gone.

"today is not just a day for grief. but also a day to hold people accountable who had ever caused Diana the pain, the heartache and the discomfort she never deserved.

this is a day that i've feared for a long time, but given the way that the press had started to treat her, i wasn't all that surprised. the love she had for her children was undying, yet somehow the only memories these two boys are going to have of her is the pain that the press had caused her. following her car, taking pictures of her on holiday with her sons, harassing her outside the gym and now killing her.

as a person of colour i would like to speak on the abuse that Dodi Fayed also received on his last few weeks of life as a result of Diana wanting to be in a relationship with him.

Frances, I adore you with all my heart, you helped me after my father had passed. but, the abuse that you had given your daughter after she had been photographed with a man who happened to be a muslim and choosing to call her a "whore" and a "prostitute", really makes me wonder if you ever really liked me and my mother as much as you said. i always understood that you were opinionated but after the you treated Diana in your last conversation with her, made me realise making comments towards me and my mother such as 'your hair looks nicer straightened' has showed your true colours perfectly. Diana worshipped you, she would've done anything for you, for her mummy. yet, you broke her heart, all she wanted was love from you.

the prince of wales : i think one of that the pain that diana had felt, all blew up when you decided you would take her from the cradle. she was a child, 19 years old and whilst she was struggling with eating disorders, self harm and suicide attempts, you would yell at her and say she was crying wolf before going to see your mistress. you used Diana for an air and a Spare and when you'd got what you wanted, you did what your father had allowed you to do and went back to ms Parker Bowles since the five years were over. even though, secretly, youd been sneaking out every two nights to see her, since before the engagement. you didn't even give Diana a chance. she was so in love with you but you decided that she wasn't enough. you and your family watched diana suffer and decided to enable this. you decided not to help her but use it as an excuse for the breakdown of the marriage. her majesty's words were 'Diana's eating has become so awful imagine how hard that is on Charles.' and those words explain the complete toxicity, the complete coldness and the absolute hatred that runs between Buckingham Palace, balmoral, Kensington Palace, etc. i have nothing more to say to you except, All she wanted was love from you.

now, the media. you treated her with such anger, such desire, such greed that now a lovely person, who was changing the world has died. we've lost a perfect person for nothing. you wanted money? you profited off her death? what more do you want? you took pictures of her on the back seat of her car, dying whilst you could've saved her. it doesn't make sense to me. what have you done? you've killed the goose who laid you golden eggs. this isn't fair. what an incredible sense of waste.

and now, Diana, Dutch, my best friend....my sister. you've been my rock, everyday of my life you've been there. since i found out about what had happened to you, i've been finding myself waiting for a call from you, just to hear your voice. i want to wake up from this bad dream, i want to laugh with you about how hysterical our kids squabbling is, i want you to wake up and tell me this is all a joke. how am i supposed to do this without you? never seeing you again, you're my hope, my joy, my sadness, my laughter, you made me feel safe, you made me feel cared for. you'd often tell me about how you'd want to be a ballerina, you could've done that i know you could've. diana you touched the world with your presence, you loved all races, all classes, all sexualities, all genders, you helped the vulnerable, you just wanted to help. i know that you're in a better place now and i hope you find peace, this is so unbelievably painful, this is so unbelievably shocking. this can't be it.  we're halfway through the story.   the whole of the planet is mourning your loss, everyone is hurting so much, everyone is falling apart, this can't be real.                i miss you already, Dutch. come back.    i love you." i spoke into the microphone.

this was a day that i'd have hoped to have never seen. the two of us had been through so much together. i never thought i'd lose her. i was broken. i didn't know what to do with myself. all good things must come to an end. but i wasn't ready to lose my dutch.

AN: thank you sm for reading.