until the end || wolfstar || marauders

chapter five

The boys started to walk up the stone stairs to the castle. Sirius did not follow. He paused, feeling tears welling in his eyes, not all sad, just lots of emotion. Remus turned, realising that Sirius was not follow. He looked at Sirius, confused, and saw the tears in his eyes. Remus guessed what the problem was. He walked back down the stairs, and grabbed Sirius' hand. Sirius took a deep breath, wiped his eyes and walked up the stairs, feeling stronger now that Remus was holding his hand.

James and Peter had stopped to wait for them, and soon, they were all at the giant oak front door, being held open by Professor Slughorn.

"Hurry up boys, you're going to miss the feast if you're not careful," Slughorn said, shaking his head and shutting the door behind them. 

Remus squeezed Sirius' hand and let go as they reached the door to the great hall, where all the students were sitting at their house tables, with a line of first years down the middle of the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff tables. They all sat down at the Gryffindor table, and looked up to the teachers' table, where Professor McGonagall was standing, the sorting hat in her hand. 

The sorting began. 

The first years all looked terrified. Sirius remembered his own sorting. 

"Black, Sirius," Professor McGonagall called. 

Sirius stepped forward towards the stall. He sat down and saw the students whispering to one-another. He was a Black, after all. He looked to the Slytherin table, and saw them smiling at him, waiting for him to join them. Which he would. Like everyone else in his family. He would soon be at the Slytherin table. He was content with that. His Mother would be so proud.

But then he remembered the boys on the train, James Potter, he was certain he'd be in Gryffindor, a shame, he had seemed nice, and that other boy, the quiet one in that compartment, Peter. James had seemed to know him. And Remus, he seemed like good fun. Sirius wondered how he had become so scarred. He would never know. Because he was going to be sorted into Slytherin like the rest of his wretched family.

The sorting hat fell over his eyes suddenly. He heard it. 

"A Black." It remarked. Not confused, not angry, not determined. Just a statement. 

"Yes, I am a Black." Sirius said back. "I suppose you're going to put me in Slytherin, like the rest of my miserable family."

A long, deafening silence followed.

"Do you want to be put in Slytherin?" The hat asked.

Sirius thought for a moment. The answer came clearly to him, but he couldn't say it. He couldn't think of letting his family down. He looked over at Narcissa at the Slytherin table. She looked at him, puzzled. All the Blacks were sorted straight into Slytherin.

"I see." The hat remarked, although Sirius had said nothing.

"GRYFFINDOR!" The hat called out, for the whole hall to hear. No-one cheered, like they had done for the people before him. The Slytherins looked at Sirius, betrayed, Bellatrix looked at him angrily, and Narcissa looked incredulously at him, like he was a piece of dirt. Sirius supposed he better get used to that. Not Slytherin was bad enough, but Gryffindor, well, that was the worst possible outcome for today.

The Gryffindors all looked at him, shocked as well. Some looked disgusted, some just confused. But there he was. James, the other boys from the train, smiling and waving at him from the end of the table. Sirius picked up his pace and sped confidently over to them, and plonked himself down between Remus and James. 

"Mum's gonna kill me..." He had murmured.

"Cheer up mate, you didn't want to be with them anyway, you've got us now!" James said brightly.

"James, don't be so tactless," Remus snapped at James, "It'll be alright, what's the worst she can do? You don't have to see her until Christmas, and if you really don't want to see her, you won't have to until summer. Besides, why would she be cross?"

"You'd be surprised. She might even crucio me for this." Sirius said casually. He didn't see the horrified glances that James and Remus exchanged before tucking in to the food that had just appeared on the golden plates. 

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"Oi, Sirius, pass me the yorkies," James called. Sirius came back to the great hall, no longer in first year, scared of what his mother would do to him for being sorted into Gryffindor. She had crucioed him, along with a howler less than a week after his first day. 

After this, Sirius was back to his usual self, laughing, and planning pranks with James while Remus sat disapprovingly next to them, trying to pretend he wasn't listening, but not being able to suppress a smile when James asked him to help. 

About halfway through dinner, Sara Jenkins came and sat down next to Remus. Sara was a pretty girl in their year, with chestnut hair and deep blue eyes. Sirius chest tightened as she kissed Remus.

"I've missed you, Remus. How come you only wrote once?" She asked, pouting her lips and touching Remus' face. 

"Sorry, I- uh, been busy. I missed you too." Remus said distractedly. He flushed.

Sara looked disappointed.

"Sorry, you know how I feel about doing stuff like, infront of everyone." Remus stammered, looking embarrassed. "Not that I'm embarrassed by you, I just- I still love you." He finished, and gave Sara a small peck on the cheek. 

Sara smiled and started talking to Remus. Sirius' jaw clenched. With the madness of the summer, he had forgotten Remus had a girlfriend. 

Sirius stood up. James looked at him, and Sirius muttered something about the bathroom. 

Sirius left the great hall and went to the common room, before realising that he did not know the password. He couldn't go to the dorm, so he went and sat in the bathroom, locked himself in a cubicle, and just sat, silently, fidgeting with his fingers.

Why did he feel this way, why did Remus' girlfriend make him so uncomfortable. He had thought about this when they got together the previous year. He was gay, yes, but he didn't think he could be in love with Remus, he was his best mate, that was all. And he just didn't want to hurt Remus by telling him that Sara was a cheating piece of crap who would leave him if she thought someone better came along.

Sirius was torn. But forced to admit, he loved Remus Lupin. His best friend. 

Sirius stayed in the bathroom. Now he'd been gone for so long, he didn't think he could face trying to tell the others where he'd been.

Sirius heard a pair of footsteps coming into the bathroom. Sirius held his breath and picked his feet up so no-one would see him. 

"Sirius, come out. I need to talk to you." James' voice said. Sirius exhaled, as he opened the door and found himself face to face with his best mate.

"hi." Sirius said feebly. He didn't want to talk. He wanted to be alone, but he wanted to be with people. No, he wanted Remus.

He hugged James. James was surprised for a moment, but then hugged him back.

"So. Why've you been hiding up here since dinner? Was it that joke I made about your brother? Because I'm so sorry if it was, I know normally you're fine with it, but I forgot about what happened in the summer, and I just wanted to-" God James was an idiot sometimes, he thought.

"No, no nothing like that, just, needed some time away. Very loud." Sirius smiled a small smile and began walking out of the bathroom with James. When they got to the fat lady, James gave her the password (Ursa Major), bypassed the empty common room, and went up to the dorm. Remus was sat on his bed, folding clothes to put in the drawers, and Peter was sorting through his chocolate frog cards. Remus glanced up when they entered, and put down the robes he was folding.

"You alright Sirius?"

"Yeah, fine"

(1344 words)