until the end || wolfstar || marauders

chapter eighteen

TW - brief mention of previous self harm

Sirius slipped through the portrait hole, into the common room, feeling very heavy hearted. As it was a Saturday, and it was a couple of hours until people above third year could leave for Hogsmeade, it was packed. He started to head towards the boys' stairs, but heard his name being called. 

"Sirius!" 

He turned his head, thinking he had imagined it, it was very loud in the common room, but saw Lily smiling and beckoning for him to come over.

Sirius waved back at Lily and walked over to where she was sitting with the other Gryffindor sixth year girls, and slumped beside her on the sofa.

Lily glanced quickly at the others, checking that they were all engrossed in their own conversations, before asking in a low whisper, "How's Remus? I assume that's where you went."

Sirius hadn't been expecting the question, which he thought was stupid really, Lily and Remus were good friends, and besides the marauders, she was the only one who knew he was a werewolf. And Snape, but that was an accident that Sirius didn't want to think about.

"He's not there." Sirius replied, with a flat tone, "Pomfrey said he went home for a family thing, but didn't say what. She's not really allowed to. But the moon was ok, only a couple of bruises."

"Oh no, I hope he's alright. Thank god it was a good moon." Lily said, concerned. She started staring off into the distance, lost in thought.

An idea suddenly struck Sirius.

"Lils, um, I don't know how much you know about the subject, but do you know what it means when a werewolf is really like..." He searched around for a word, "Subdued? I don't know. Distracted? Like he didn't try anything like normal, he howled a bit, then kind of settled down. It was weird."

Lily looked at him, her face blank. 

"I have no idea. I wonder if he could sense something." She stopped, thinking again, and then jumped, "What if he could sense another werewolf?" She looked panicked.

Sirius tried to reassure her, "It can't have been that, surely he'd have tried to get to them if there was another. I don't know. Don't worry about it."

As if on cue, Marlene looked over at Lily from her blotchy essay that she was writing and asked, "Lils, what does this actually mean? I've essentially re-worded half the textbook."

Sirius and Lily smiled at each other, and then Lily leant over the table to help Marlene.

Sirius stood up and returned to the boys' staircase, dragging his feet up the stairs. When he entered the room, he didn't exactly slam the door, he merely shut it loudly enough so that it would wake James and Peter up. He knew how today would end if he was left alone, and it was in the bathroom with a heck of lot of bloody tissues.

This plan worked, and both boys started to awake at the noise. Peter got out of bed quickly and took his clothes to the bathroom to get ready, whereas James took longer, stretching and yawning as Sirius stood watching at the end of his bed.

"'ow's Moony?" He said, yawning.

Sirius rolled his eyes, getting impatient, why was everyone asking him the same question?

"He's gone. He's not there, Pomfrey said he had some sort of family thing but she wasn't allowed to tell me." He snapped, scowling at his feet.

James sat up in bed, basking in the late October sun, and looked at Sirius quizzically.

"Are you alright?" He asked, completely genuinely. Not asking why he snapped, just seeing if he was doing ok.

Sirius' expression softened and he looked up at James.

"I'm fine. Well, I'm... ok. Like 4." 

Sirius hadn't used the number system James had set up for him in third year, so that Sirius could easily and quickly communicate how he was feeling. He didn't question it.

"Ah. He'll be alright. Try not to worry too much. Hogsmeade later, you can have fun with Pete. I've got my date with Lily. We need to buy you a present too. Your birthday is soon."

"Yeah. Sounds good."

Sirius went over the the wardrobe to change, ready for Hogsmeade. He put on black skinny jeans, a Queen band t-shirt, and one of Remus' knitted Jumpers (a very old yellow one that James' mum had knitted him in 2nd year for Christmas). He went into the bathroom and scraped his hair into a bun. Remus would've usually plaited it before they went to Hogsmeade, but he wasn't there to do it. He put on his usual weekend make-up (dark eyeshadow, eyeliner, and a slightly tinted chapstick), and went back to his bed, to procrastinate some more homework before they went to the village.

(786 words)

Author's note:

I've added 2 more shorter chapters in between the chapter I'm excited for to make it make a bit more sense, this is the first one, next one will be Remus' POV (still third person though)