Truth Or Dare? ✓

27. but I won't be home for Christmas

  The bad news was that Christmas is in two weeks. But the good one was me being almost done with my exams.

I've had stopped thinking and distracted myself whenever my mind started to wonder how to go home for Christmas this year when home didn't feel like home anymore.

I missed my dad. And I missed Rue. And I even missed mom. But I also missed Liz and Noah. And I couldn't find the strength in me to go back home just yet. I was scared of all the memories coming back and consuming me. Mostly I was just scared to go when he's not there, when he's not home.

And I'm genuinely doing good. I think. I hope so. I go on about my days studying, going to fancy coffee shops, spending too much money on chocolate pastries, reading, working, watching movies with Nico, pretending we're Hollywood actors starring in the movies that we watch. I keep in touch with my family and I never dream about him anymore.

Sadly, smoking has turned to be my guilty habit not just his. But even with cigarettes, I can't say that I'm doing it just to feel closer to him. I do it from time to time, but I do it because I want to.

I ended up at some frat party last Friday just because I agreed with one of my professors that I would extend my research on teen behavior under the influence. So I went to this party with hopes to maybe interview someone or just to get some inspiration to get that A on my exam paper.

Nico insisted on me staying home and we had our first argument as someone who has kissed each other.

Or as a couple? We definitely haven't talked about that yet, because, to be honest, I don't think either of us is ready to talk.

I did say some things that I'm not proud of, such as - who are you to tell me what to do? But I was so pissed off at him getting mad about me going to a party. Or was he just jealous? Either way, I thought that his tantrum was childish and unnecessary.

I ended up meeting a drunk girl named Caroline, but everyone calls me Cal.

She was so drunk that I had to stand behind her so that she wouldn't fall off of her chair. Cal spent most of our time together crying and being absolutely shattered. Her boyfriend had cheated on her with her best friend.

She was perfect for my paper. Teen drinking in hopes to help them escape their pain. But she was more than just a good grade's material.

Even drunk, I could tell that she was kind hearted and extremely funny and sarcastic. She was bold and didn't care. She was confident and gorgeous. She felt like my escape.

So we stayed by the bar for hours talking and laughing. Later that night, turned out that she was majoring in literature as well.

It felt like a faith.

She lived in dorms with one roommate. Katherine but everyone calls her Kath.

She told me about Oliver and Edward who were her friends besides Kath. They were all majoring in literature.

So she invited me to sit with them in the cafeteria this Monday.

And so I did. Not only I sat with them on Monday, I sat with them throughout the week and spent most of my weekend Christmas shopping together.

This new friendship was weird and fast, but I felt like we just clicked. Especially me and Cal.

"Will you please be there?" She whined through the phone and I smirked while laying in bed on my stomach and highlighting the most important points on my creative writing homework.

"Cal, I have to finish this essay otherwise I will fail fucking literature major." I laughed out and rolled on my back.

"See, Bel, it's only Monday's afternoon. I'm sure you'll have it done latest by Wednesday. You're a terrible liar, no wonder your old friends left you."

"Ouch." I closed my eyes and sighed, knowing that she's absolutely right. Not about that friends part, of course.

"Even if so, I promised Nico that I will spend some time with him this weekend since I've been pretty occupied with you guys." I got out of my bed and went to the refrigerator to see if I have some pasta leftovers. I didn't. I'll order sushi later.

"Girl, it's about time you introduce us to your mysterious boyfriend." She squeaked and I furrowed my eyebrows.

"I wouldn't say he's my boyfriend."

"Dick provider then?"

"Cal, I fucking hate you." I laughed out.

It's been so long since I had a girl friend. I didn't feel guilty about having Cal like I sometimes feel about Nic. I know that Liz would be happy about me getting new friend even if we both lost touch.

"We've kissed. Once!" I yelled out to her and she started laughing.

"Are you waiting for marriage?" I could hear her smirking behind the phone.

"It's complicated. And besides, I'm still not sure you're not using me for my brilliant writing skills while it's exam season, so why would I tell you?"

"And I thought that at least one of us here was a good liar. You got me on this one. Bel, stop fucking playing around and say that you and your it's complicated will come to this stupid holiday gathering."

Cal was so tempted that I come only because it's organised for all the first years, meaning that her ex boyfriend will be there and I was the only one who's around from our little friend group. The rest are flying home for holidays.

"Nico is an old man, no connection to the university whatsoever." I said in hopes that maybe she will let it go and none of us will have to go.

"I'm sure no one will care."

"Bel, please?"

"We'll be there." I said to my phone and smiled a little, knowing how happy that just made her feel.

Once we hung up, I immediately searched up my dad's contact and pressed the call button.

He picked up almost immediately, sounding just as energetic as always.

"Hello there, little one!" He exclaimed as soon as I greeted him.

"Dad, I have to talk to you about something very important." I said, curling my hair with my finger, not knowing how he'll take it.

I felt so bad about letting Rue down, but I did promise to come with Owen, so I would let her down anyways.

"Dear, mom and I already figured that you wouldn't come home for holidays. You never brought that up in a conversation." He said while being completely calm and honestly I don't know what would make me feel worse. Him yelling or him being fine with me not coming.

"I'm not sure I can come home just yet, but I know that it's not fair to you guys."

"Still absolutely no word from him?" He sounded worried.

"None, dad." I said quietly.

"I get that you're not ready yet. It's understandable.  We all just really miss you." He said and groaned, holding back tears.

"I promise I'll be there by summer!"

:) author's note

you can go back to character aesthetics to see how i imagine cal