Truth Or Dare? ✓

34. truth hurts more than lies

I could hear my loud heart thuds in my chest and a shrieking sound in my ears. It seemed like it will never stop. Like I will never be able to turn it off anymore.

I felt him moving next to me in his seat and I wanted to run away from this car. Run away from him. From someone whom I thought I knew.

"Iz?" I heard him calling my name and it kept loudly banging in my ears all the way up to my skull.

I couldn't move no matter how hard I wanted to get away from this.

I felt my hands grabbing the seat underneath me and I could see my knuckles go white, since I was squeezing it with all that I had inside of me.

Noticing my behavior, over his eyes laid fear.

A fear so real that no explanation for my behavior was needed for him.

He knew that he had lost me at that exact moment.

Turns out, I didn't know the person sitting next to me at all. Nico that I know never even existed. It was made up. A fantasy. A child's book.

A fucking lie.

I wanted to love him and I started to love him. Deeply. I wanted it to be him so bad.

"Was it true? About you and that girl?" I said, surprising him.

"Iz, why don't we talk about what really matters here?" His pathetic voice filled the whole air, making it hard for me to breathe.

"Sexually assaulting someone doesn't matter" I whispered, not being able to even comprehend what is happening.

"You know me, Isabel, I would never..."

I interrupted him mid sentence. I didn't want to hear another word from him.

"Don't you fucking dare to lie to me again!" I screamed.

Nico unbuckled the seatbelt and put his hand on my leg. I immediately threw it off of me and his eyes started to full with tears.

"Isabel, please understand. It was years ago and I was so fucked up drunk, I didn't even remember anything the next morning. But I am not him anymore, you know I'm not that person anymore. Say that you believe me." He begged me and I will say that it was coming truly from his heart, however I couldn't care less about his heart right now.

"You're so different now, so you chose to keep this it a secret from me too?" I screamed at him once more, finding the piece of the letter from the ground.

Nico looked at me like the whole world came down crushing for him as well.

"God, you are so fucking selfish!" Without noticing it, I had tears in my eyes, right after that, they started to roam down my face.

"While I thought that you were healing me, you were just preparing to destroy me even more." I whispered, trying to hold back the tears.

"Oh, really, Iz? Tell me now then, would this be a bad life? You and me? At least I love you for real!" Nico yelled at the top of his lungs but I didn't feel a single muscle in my body moving.

"Don't you say a word about him!" I warned him, slightly moving my head towards him.

"Isabel, he fucking cheated on you and you still want to run to him by the first chance you've got. It's pathetic! It's sad! I feel sorry for you!"

"I can't breathe without him, Nico!" I lowered my voice feeling my heart and soul ache from these words.

"You seemed pretty happy with me, Iz. You're just making it worse than it actually is. As always!" He kept yelling and yelling and I kept drifting more and more away.

Good thing I have my suitcase packed already waiting for me at the trunk.

"I rather feel like I can't breathe for the rest of my life than live in a lie."

I opened the car's door with my stiff hands.

"Isabel, don't do this to me! Don't you fucking leave this car!"

I turned my head back at him.

"You did this to yourself." I whispered, a single tear falling down my cheek.

He was the man of all the world's kindness and happiness and energy and life in him. How could all that change in a few seconds?

"If only you would have told me, Nic. Me and him, we will probably never be together again. I've understood that. I wanted to build a life with you and not with him, but you kept this a secret for me, you lied to me, you chose to be selfish, you made up this whole fantasy about yourself! If only you would have told me."

Nico suddenly left the car and ran to me and fell down to his knees, his eyes full of tears.

"But I love you so much! I'll never love anyone like I love you!" Nico looked up at me, looking so beautiful and kind.

And everything that I've had developed for him, every feeling that wanted to be felt, every word that wanted to be said so that he would feel comforted and seen, every smile that wanted to be worn so that his day would get better, every ounce of my naked body that wanted to be touched by him so that he would let me touch his and every dream that wanted to be shared so that we would have a little life of our own, came crushing me completely in half.

I've lost so many people, I have no idea how will I be able to lose another one.

I gave my all to him and I genuinely meant it.

I swallowed my own tears and heartbreak, and looked at him with my all, one last time.

I leaned in to whisper into his ear and he wiped down my tears with a gentle touch.

"If you love me, you're going to let me go now."

And that's what he did.