Truth Or Dare? ✓

36. invited

  I ended up finding a new job through one of my professors. She had mentioned once in a lecture that her husband's journalism company is looking for a new editor and I begged her to say a good word or two about me to him. It was really good money. I could even afford a new and bigger apartment some time soon.

Holidays had ended. Most of the time I've had spent writing upcoming essays for the second semester, trying to distract my mind off of whining about my pathetic life.

I went out with Cal a few times and the others from our almost friend group.

It was Cal's 21st birthday next Friday and she was planning this huge thing. She had rented a penthouse more in the suburbs and honestly I didn't expect anything less from her. I also tried to talk to her about uninviting me, since I really wasn't feeling any partying mood whatsoever.

"Maybe you'll find yourself a new husband there!" She had laughed and my face dropped.

"I am done with men." I stated back then.

"So that means I have a chance?" She had answered me, making me laugh as well.

Then I tried to put my mind onto panicking about what to get her, however my mind doesn't cooperate with me that much these days anymore.

It did what it wanted to do.

I ended buying her a little and cute film camera, since she is obsessed with photography.

Days went by like through fog, all blending into one.

I didn't remember much, just lots of studying and having lunch with Cal, Kath, Oliver and Ed when I wasn't studying. Oh, and also Cal talking about her birthday and what a party of our lives will it be, and how we are all invited and how she has invited so many people, but it was all pretty much a blur.

I do however remember very well one specific thing - I had written Owen a letter too. Right on his birthday.

So I spent one whole day just going through my stuff, until I found it placed under my mattress.

I put in on my desk, but I can't explain to myself why. I just kept it there laying and looking at me. And I kept looking at it back.

Today in creative writing we had to write all the different things that made us feel alive and then share, weirdly I got hit by the task straight into my guts.

People started raising their hands and telling everyone about it, pointing down many things.

I could only think of one. Of Owen.

Every second that I ever got to spend with him, I felt like my true self. I felt spontaneous and crazy, fun and attractive and more importantly like life would be easily dealt with while he's standing next to me.

Cal disrupted my thinking, because her hand flew up in the air.

"I think it's definitely clothes and ice cream, oh, and also my favourite series!" She exclaims and I give her a little smile.

"Isabel!" Suddendly, making my face go all red, professor Lewis called me out.

"Do you mind sharing with all of us?" She asked once more and I tried to stay calm.

"Sure!" I said first, then took a deep breath.

"Well, I guess, it's love that makes me the most alive." I shrugged my shoulders, while everyone's eyes were on me.

"Excellent, Isabel. Hold onto that thought very tight." Ms. Lewis gives me a little smile before she continues with today's lecture's main themes that we have to go through.

I have been holding onto it this whole time, but where has that had get me?