Wilt and Ruin

Chapter Twelve - Mother's Rest (Tao)

At first, it was thunder in the distance, late in the night.

Then, I listened as the rain came closer and closer until it began drenching the roof outside. It was almost as if it knew what was about to happen—that I was about to say the final goodbye to my mother. Though my friends told me to get some rest, I couldn't.

It was hard to come to terms that I was now alone in the world. Mae was all I had.

I spent the night going through photos—most of them were of myself and my mother. She always had time for a picture with me—no matter how busy she'd been and how annoying I was. No matter the hard day, she had a smile, and each photo broke my heart.

"Don't you know you're all I had?" I asked, waiting.

It was as if I thought she'd walk through the door with a bowl of coconut pudding. I knew she was gone—but I still turned to stare at the door, holding my breath, counting to ten.

After a while, I crawled into bed, curled myself into a ball waiting for morning.

In no time after that, I was awake, showered and dressed. I skipped breakfast for some coffee and was stepping through the front door with my helmet when my phone rang. It was the funeral organizers, confirming I'd be on time for the ceremony.

"Khap." I replied. "I'm actually on my way at the moment."

After the call, I tossed my leg over my cycle, inhaled a few cleansing breaths, and revved the engine.

My mother's cremation ceremony wasn't a big one. But I ensured it took place at the temple she visited often. Before it all began, I spent some time alone with her body. She'd wanted her hair covered and for that, I found the most beautiful silk scarf I could. I then had her dressed in a simple white dress—it was her choice for that.

I spoke with her—told her everything I'd hidden from her because I was ashamed, afraid or just confused of whether she should know.

"I don't think I'm gay, Mae." My voice cracked over the secret I'd wanted to share with her so badly. "I like both—I know you would have been proud of me for admitting who I am but I was so scared."

I exhaled—a long, loud breath.

After leaving her side, I stood on the balcony and stared out at the view. In the distance the village sat below like tiny dots. The homes all looked the same but they were different colours, like a rainbow across the land. In the last days of her life, though she wasn't allowed to do much, my mother would ask for my help to visit the temple.

After we were through with our worship, we'd stand in this same spot so she could breathe. In those moments of silence, I couldn't remember ever being so at peace with my mother. Though she had been a wonderful mother, she was alone raising me and worked hard. We had very little time together.

What little we had, I soaked it all in.

But moments in the temple, the air wafting up from the village, the smell of leaves around us or impending rain, would always remind me of my mother.

Eventually, I had to face reality. I had to turn and face those who wanted to be there for me. I had to come to terms with the fact that my mother was gone, and I didn't have her to lean on anymore.

The reality of death was cold and stark. And when I stumbled into the space for the ceremony, I found King and Run. I wasn't surprised to see them. King had shown a genuine interest in wanting to be there for me. And whether they wanted to admit it or not, Runn had some strong feelings King and wanted to be there for him.

I was, however surprised to see Nine and Captain. They had no reason to be—except maybe to be there for Runn.

I paused for a moment to stare at Captain. He'd changed his hair colour from black to a light blue colour that shifted to a slight grey in the changing light. It looked amazing on him.