Mrs. Winter and Mr. Summer

11. Do you love it at all?

Love has no definition, no rules. We destroyed it with rules and things like that. I have an attitude and opinion that if you love someone you change some things for that person because of the love you have because love should bring happiness and not sadness. No spite and ruthlessness. I guess it's not just enough to love. It takes a lot of nerves and patience. When you don't care and care only about yourself and not about your loved one, is it love at all? You breathe and you don't breathe that stale air, the smell of freshly cut grass. You don't feel it. But you think. When you don't trust anyone because of everything that happened to you, are you even left to love? Whether love should be easy at all, I don't know, you tell me. The desired peace is not easy to find. It's hard when you love and even harder when you don't. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about. I'm disappointed in myself and in this heart of mine have bled so many times and have not learned to be smart again. She loves again. She believes again. I hate myself, I guess it's normal when you're fucked as much as I am. You push people away from you as much and let someone into your life again and fuck yourself. So I decided not to believe, I don't love, I don't ask for anything more. I will be left alone in the end anyway. I know where my place is. I say home is where someone thinks of you. Whoever thinks of me, so I'm alone.