Mrs. Winter and Mr. Summer

24. Pain

You know that feeling that hurts when your chest hurts, like tingling in the length of your spinal cord. I've had this feeling lately. It's like I'm choking, I can't breathe in something called life. endless fall.I don't know how and why and when I lost myself. I'm trying to find meaning in this life, though as if I wasn't made for this world. When you meet someone you think yes, that's it. But often people prove me just the opposite. I lost faith in everything, I don't think I'll give up that faith. I became what I didn't want to be, just an empty wreck of what I used to be. I wish I could convey these feelings and the emptiness that draws me to myself...Once someone has to come to stay but more and more I stop believing in it. The superficiality that rules this time seems to me to go on indefinitely. Where is the beginning and where the end I would not know how to tell you? Lost in time and space, something that will be next to me. I often think about death you, it's a new beginning that I'm afraid of. I need to change something, I'm constantly persistent in balancing bad and good. It's like I'm in a vicious circle I can't escape from. I'm stuck in a maze where I see some solutions sometimes two or three but never the one that will help me escape. Winter has never been colder, I have never been wounded like this. No one has ever wounded my soul like you. I feel winter everywhere, it permeates the length of my body. That damn winter. When my summer will come again. I hate winter. I hate being so damn cold. Where did that happy little girl go? Where are you little? Where did you hide that, so I can't find you? How they just scared you. I love you, even though you are not there. I am waiting for you. I long for you. I wish you a day when you will come to me again. You are my summer. And I am your eternal winter.