We didn't fuck. Thank god. He was definitely drunk last night. He wouldn't of kissed me if he was sober, because of Namjoon.
I feel fucking awful. I cannot forgive myself for what I did, as soon as we see the others I need to apologise deeply. I'm not expecting to be forgiven.
I woke up later that morning in the bedroom, Taehyung not being in the same room. We just kissed that's it, nothing happened. I removed the blanket from my body opening the bedroom door to go out into the living room.
"Morning" He said in a nice tone.
"Hi" I say awkwardly avoiding eye contact with him. How am I supposed to act now after last night.
"You ok?" He smiled weridly
"Mhm yep" I say sitting on the sofa facing my back to him. Though he couldn't get enough of it, he walked over to me sitting in front of me on the couch resting his head on his hand.
"Why are you embarrassed?" He smiled
"I'm not"
"Liar"
"Don't feel embarrassed it was fun" He said
"It didn't mean anything" I say looking up at him and his face went from a smile to a frown.
"Must've meant something to you" He said
"What do you mean? It didn't" I said.
"I told you to pull away if you didn't feel anything towards me. You didn't pull away so it clearly meant something to you" He said shrugging. It did mean something to me I suppose.
"Well you were drunk last night so no" I looked down and his face went confused
"I just didn't want you to embarrass yourself" I added
"I wasn't drunk last night" He said. What- I thought he was drunk, I'm sure he was.
"I kissed you in a sober mind Sara" he said glaring into my eyes
"How could you kiss me in a sober mind with what I did yesterday! You should've killed me last night not kissed me" I said.
How the fuck could he kiss me with a sober mind after I was the reason Namjoon died, it doesn't make sense what the hell.
"Maybe I should've. I couldn't resist it any longer" He coughed and walked over to the other side of the living room. I didn't ask him why he couldn't resist, I couldn't continue this conversation any longer with him he's so frustrating and confusing. His mind doesn't add up. What the hell was he thinking, what the hell was I thinking. I shouldn't have done what I did.
Yet I wonder if I didn't call Erik and he didn't show up last night, would've Taehyung still kissed me?
———————
Taehyung Pov
I sat on the couch lost in my own mind. Sara being in the bedroom, she hasn't come out of there for hours now. I want to go into her, but I feel I should give her space. Of course I hate her for what she did, I could kill her, I want to so badly but whenever I see her I know I can't. I don't know why I can't kill her. It's so frustrating. She's so frustrating and confusing the way she acts. Why can't she just accept that I wanted to kiss her. I know I should've killed her last night because it was her fault Namjoon died and I will never forgive her for it.
I know Jungkook will attempt to kill her. He wants to so bad. I won't tell him that I kissed her. I can't. He would get so angry, I would loose him as a friend and he would have no hesitation on walking out. I don't blame him. He loved Namjoon so much, he was like a father to Jungkook. Jungkook grew up with him, it's awful that he had to watch him die in his arms.
