Psyche and Eros

Bite Your Tongue and Listen to Your Parents

"Are you possessed? What were you thinking, you stupid, stupid girl." My mother scolds me.

My eyes widen in shock. She's never spoken to me like this. I know that it must be out of fear...I am too feeling the same emotion as she speaks, but still, I find myself able to resist the urge to take it out on her. "I only had an idea...clearly it was the wrong idea," I say lowly to the ground, slowly inching back towards my home.

"Don't you ever try that again," My mother sighs tiredly, clearly regretting her tone but she's unable to apologize or take it back. That isn't our style. We do not swallow pride, nor apologize. We hold resentment silently within ourselves until we can passive-aggressively throw it at each other subtly over the dinner table. Something I have always felt disappointed about with our entire family's dynamic.

It's starting to feel less and less like family by the minute. After all, they are slowly cutting me out of the family. Looping back and repairing as a family that only ever had two princesses in the public eye, while the last is simply a tragedy. A beautiful, beautiful tragedy that had to be removed to protect the rest.

"Your father and I need to speak to you about what you overheard...while you were rudely hiding I might add." My mother mutters, rubbing my shoulders equally harshly and affectionately as we walk back to the front door, the guards surrounding us like a flock of birds.

"Fine," I whisper numbly. For a moment, accepting that I hold no power in this. Perhaps, I never will again. My path in life is already decided. I can always try to change it, but at what cost? At what struggle? How many uphill battles will it take before I break down for good?

For now, they need to hear my agreement. My cooperation will ease the restrictions eventually. Hopefully, I will have time to try again someday before they force me to face that meadow. Where the monster awaits me.

Soon enough, I'm sitting at the kitchen table, dreading the words that are about to be said. The reactions I am going to have to play along with. Agreeableness, the submissiveness of a daughter with no choice to do what she is told. She should be glad to do it for her parents. I don't feel inclined to do what must be done, but for now, I have no choice.

I can't do this life on my own. I should be able to, but I can't. I can't sit in the high tower like a sitting duck for the rest of my life - given that I am not killed. Aphrodite can get me inside the home, after all, another ridiculous reason for being forbidden from going outside. The small barrier of the walls of my bedroom is nothing.

The oracle is nothing either. His predictions could change in a short split second. All it takes is another change of course ad I could end up dead or forgiven entirely by morning.

Gosh...something is changing in me. I'm feeling less and less careful about my own well-being. I don't know if it can be interpreted as courage, but I feel like confronting the Goddess herself. If she came back to my bedroom again, would I have the guts to do so? Would I have the words to convince her?

She is about the only person I have ever had to win over to a certain degree. Perhaps, it only takes one person to reject you to lose all the confidence you once had...I will just have to gain it back if I ever make it through this.

I let my forearms fall on the table in front of me, feeling the stare of my parent's eyes as they too are settled in their seats.

"Psyche. We have spoken with the oracle." My father starts.

I have to force my mouth to stay closed. I have been well-trained to remain silent and peaceful. A good quality to have. Especially when you are a princess meant to marry into wealth and do nothing more to distinguish yourself.

Mother's eyes are watering. I do see grief in them...remorse for me, even. I know she feels it, but she will do nothing to prevent my further misery. They believe what they believe and they will not fight it. That is not their way.

The world of ours has rules. That's just the way it is when you have Gods and Goddesses living among you, taking a dislike or hatred towards you is nearly as deadly as one of them taking an extreme liking towards you.

"Tomorrow morning, you will meet your husband." My mother takes my hand from across the table. "You will be safe with him, and out of Aphrodite's view. She will move past this soon enough and let you live out your days."

My eyes narrow. I struggle to not appear spiteful but I fear I've failed if their reactions are any indication. "Live out my days with whom?"

My parent's look at each other anxiously. "We...don't exactly know - but daughter, it is meant to be, and whatever is meant to be, will be the best for you. Besides, it cannot be changed..."

I shiver in response to their eerie speech. Their unrelenting belief system had never failed to concern me before. I just know that is truly disturbs me now.

I thought they would think differently when it comes to us. Their daughters. When it comes to me...being able to make my own choice has always been important to me, but never plausible.

"You don't wish for it to change..." I quietly accuse. My eyes are rimmed red as I face both of them, knowing inside that this is a simple, convenient solution for them. For the family. Everything will go back to normal once I am gone.

Perhaps, there will be no reason to remember me at all when I am gone.

My mother gasps dramatically, brought to tears. For once I don't feel any guilt in making her cry. Not now.