Psyche and Eros

Bitter Goodbyes

The following morning I wake solemnly, my packed bags already scattered around me. I don't intend to bring them all....there's little point in dragging my entire past with me now. 

My mother's distant weeping can be heard downstairs in the dining room. My father's soulless, consoling words nearly make it worse to overhear. I wonder how long it will go on for once I walk out that door. The fate I have in my parent's love and affection is smouldering by the hour...

Small steps come up the stairs while I am still unable to peel myself out of my childhood bed. This ceiling, these blankets, these pillows...they were all supposed to be mine until I was ready to leave. Now, it just feels silly to think that would have ever been the case. I should have realized the reality sooner to grasp the concept of moving on, and accept that this is goodbye. 

My sisters even. They are something that my heart aches about already. They all used to be my best friends growing up, my idols, my second and third mothers that cared for me as the smallest and youngest of all of us. 

That did change when they became women. Eligible women with more to worry about their little sister that clings to her childhood carelessness while the world suddenly becomes obsessed with her over them. 

I will miss them...perhaps I will miss who we all used to be more so than who they are today, but it doesn't matter. 

Hopefully someday we will all have time to figure it out, if this monster doesn't kill me first. It could happen! For all we know...I could just be a sacrifice. My hair stands on end at just the mere thought of that betrayal. Would they do such a thing? Send me off for death and lie about it?

What would they possibly gain out of that anyway that would make it worth it? 

I bolt up in bed as my sisters suddenly knock on the door. 

Would they sacrifice me to Aphrodite to make peace? 

"Psyche..." My sisters call from the other side, their voices a little less excited and shrill than normal. Perhaps, they do feel worse than I have let myself believe. 

I get up on shaky legs, choosing to ignore the fact this was the last time I will ever sleep in this room, the last time I will ever get up from this bed. "Yes?" 

The door creaks open, both of their big eyes peering through. "We came to say goodbye." 

I let out a breath. "Of course. Thank you." 

They come in nervously, bearing a bouquet of flowers and a gold-chained pendant in the shape of a heart. "We both wanted to give you something."

I sigh in slight relief and take the flowers first from Cora, my oldest sister. They are contrived of pale pinks and reds. "They are lovely." Their subtle but pleasant smell reaches my nose calmingly. 

"They are the flowers I would have loved for you to hold at my wedding, standing by my side," Cora whispers, a weak smile on her face. 

I clear my throat, trying to ignore the sudden stinging in my eyes. I have enough to cry about today...but I am unexpectantly touched. "Imagine that I am there with you. Perhaps, I will still be able to arrange to be." I reach for her hand and grasp it as I tell her thank you, mostly with my eyes, which have rimmed with tears. 

Alia steps forward, bearing the gold chain. "I wanted to give you something a little more permanent." She smirks jokingly at our oldest sister. "Not something that will wither away before your honeymoon is even over." 

I cringe at the thought. I wish she wouldn't have mentioned that. 

"Nevertheless, I wanted to give you my favourite pendant. One I've had since I was little girl. I had this when you were a little baby in her crib." She holds up the dangling heart. "It's always reminded me of you." Alia is clearly emotional but still refuses to acknowledge it without jokes. "You know, you and your foolish little golden heart."

I sputter out a laugh, sniffling horribly. "Put it on for me, will you?" 

"Of course." Alia steps behind me, sweeping my hair aside. The gesture feels genuinely sweet. Something I wasn't expecting...and something that nearly makes this all worse. I've been obsessed with my parent's reaction. So much so, it's eliminated the meaning of my sisters. Oh, how I will miss their bickering. I never realized that could be a precious memory until now.

How bittersweet is this? 

Alia turns me around, briefly grabbing both of my shoulders to look me in the eye. "Psyche." 

My eyes sting, finally realizing I am confronting what feels like a final goodbye. "Yes?"

Alia glances at a speechless Cora behind me. "We'll...miss you."

"Will...you walk with me there?" My voice trembles. 

My sisters avert their eyes, choosing each other's gazes over mine once again. Their foreheads crease with worry. "We can't-" 

I jerk my shoulders away, taking a step back. 

"It isn't safe!" Cora protests. They both reach for me, but I bat them away defensively. 

"There is nothing waiting for you atop that hill! Do either of you understand? Neither of you are brave enough to at least stand by my side? You aren't the ones being handed away!" I feel as if I am losing my mind. 

"Please-" Cora whimpers. Alia only drops her outreached hand, sadly accepting that our moment is over. 

I know they're scared...but I can't compare or sympathize with their minuscule fear at a time like this. Not when I am going to be upfront and center...and all alone. They will both go to sleep in their beds tonight. Will I even have a bed to sleep in at all? 

"Just hand me my bags." I plea, holding out my hand. They cooperate, handing me my things one by one to watch me storm out. I am so lost in my tantrum I nearly miss my last look at my room. My childhood room that will soon only live in my memory. 

I didn't want it to go like this. 

"Please forgive us," Alia whispers behind me. 

I know I will...but will there be a point? 

I only pause for a second before I start my journey downward, toward my waiting parents. A worse goodbye I was woefully dreading. Now I just want to rush through it; rush towards finding out exactly what awaits me out there. 

Whatever my final destination is, I will accept it as I deserve.