Psyche and Eros

A Plan

It would be too bold to say that I slept. I closed my eyes, and let the night pass me with endless tossing and turning. 

I didn't have a chance to rise out of bed before Hermes invited himself in. We blink at one another until I resolve that I am indeed NOT hallucinating or dreaming. 

"Hello...? Good morning?" I barely recognize my own grouchy voice. 

"I have never seen..." Hermes trails off, inspecting me awfully close.

I roll my eyes. "Don't you dare say beautiful-"

"-A woman so tired." A mischievous grin spreads across his face. 

I don't hold back my glares any more. Instead, I throw the covers off of me, pushing past him to my closet. 

"What? It's absolutely perfect. Now, find something in your wardrobe that matches the redness under your eyes." 

I wear something plain, a faded pink dress, excessively loose at the waist. I neglect to even wear shoes. By the time I arrive, wind-blown hair and wind-teared eyes, I will be the exact vision we are going for. I even smudge a bit of makeup to amp up my look of tired distress. 

Downstairs, Hermes greets me with the sight of the regenerated pillow I destroyed. "I told you," he said. I nearly saw relief on his face. 

The same shows on mine. "I suppose you do owe me a use of your shoes, after all. I would use them today...if I knew where I was going." 

"No, no...you will need them later, I'm sure. For now, I will give the gift of my assistance for free." He gives me a wink, escorting me outside nearly as if I was a lady coming out of her parent's palace again. Now, I was just an abandoned wife. No prospects. No true placement in this world anymore. 

Unless I do something about it. 

"Will she truly forgive me if I come to her in this state? I'll crawl on my knees if I have to." I ask him. 

He lifts me up in his arms, raising an eyebrow. "No, she will make you work for it, little mortal. Crawling through her every ask of you is the only way. If she asks anything of you, then that is the sign she has any leniency at all." 

I breathe in, deeply, digesting the possibility of something unbearable being asked of me. Could I truly do anything?

"Just don't lose your head doing whatever she asks." His comment comes out only a moment before he boosts us into the air, moving more swiftly than Eros ever did with me. 

My hair attacks my face all the way there. And then, I am truly ready.

Dropping me on the ground, I accidentally stumble to the ground. 

"That's it, get your dress all dirty. It needs to look as if you walked all the way here, all day and night." Hermes encourages me while I give him yet another warning glare. 

"You could have warned me you were going to land like that." 

"Looks more authentic this way. Besides, I've been far too nice to you already. You might make me forget myself." 

If only I could.

He sends me off in the right direction as if I were a child being forced to go out and play with the other strange children. The shove on my back and his disappearance into the sky nearly happened in perfect unison. 

I had many questions. One of them being when and how I would expect to finally face the so-called monster Goddess. How long would I need to wander with blistered bare feet in the grass?

The answer would be the entire day, the sun beating down on me the entire time. However, the answer of where became thankfully obvious when I spotted the peak of her temple in the distance. 

Of course. I need to pray for her. Worship her just as she wants. How else would I get her attention?

The moon was on full display by the time I arrived there. Miraculously a mat laid waiting for me, surrounded with candles and incense to burn. Either Hermes was feeling even more generous or a previous mortal left these little gifts behind. 

I set my weaning pride aside and think about Eros, and our baby that deserves a father. I crouch and sit on my knees and place my hands together. Inexplicably, a brush of the wind lights my companions. 

I sing softly to myself, letting myself drift outside of my body for an hour or more. Eventually, I fell into near silent prayer, consumed with a trance too deep to come out of. 

Even when I hear the soft steps of someone accompanying me; surrounding me and the temple in a circle. A silent observer of my madness. 

I keep my eyes closed, focused in appearing genuine - in fact, I am genuine in my pleas. Not out of my love for her, of course, but still...I need this. I feel this. With my entire body I feel every word of my whispered prayer. 

Being observed somehow escalates into tears. Either from desperation or some kind of final release of frustrated tension, my cheeks become drenched. I can taste my tears on my lips.

I pause for a second as I hear the figure sit in front of me. She is clearly listening, so I continue, laying out my ask for forgiveness. 

"I submit myself to you as your servant. A lowly mortal woman in love with your son. I am nothing but in your debt, for allowing me to live after I shamed myself and my family for daring to rival your resounding, untouchable beauty. Even after I broke your son's heart, I see how forgiving and lenient you are. Now, you bless me with your listening ear, and I thank you...and I ask you on my knees for another chance to prove my worthiness to your son. More so, I wish to prove myself deserving of your son, and your blessing. For the rest of my short life, I ask for your permission to love and be loved." I said, my head still bowed. I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment. I spent all that time waiting practicing and my speech still feels foolish. 

A seat for the Goddess herself is indeed occupied. I open my eyes, looking up to her. An iced-cold face waits, her hand tipping up her own chin. She appeared to be too deep in thought to see me in return, even if her eyes are pointed at me.

"Goddess, " I said, repeating my sentiment. "Aphrodite...I am at your feet, asking for your forgiveness and your mercy."

Her voice is booming and sickly sweet at once. "In exchange for what?" 

A valid question, one that I had not prepared for.  "I offer myself. Forever. My soul, my devotion at the service of your son, Eros." 

"And if he doesn't want it?" Her voice is stern. I can see the disdain in her eyes. 

Even with my loose-fitting dress, I reposition myself to show the slowly emerging shape of her grandchild. "For the sake of our child, I can only hope he can find it in his heart to forgive me."

The Goddess moves forward in her seat. "You are with child?"