Psyche and Eros

Morning Trip

In a moment I am feeling the whoosh of the door closing behind me. 

The finality of it is certain. Even with my parents standing sullenly beside me, it feels as if they are already gone. 

I hold my singular bag at my side, carrying only small items of the utmost importance and a few light summer dresses.

I never imagined having so little to bring with me. The longer I thought about the other bags I had packed, the worse I felt about lugging them all with me. Especially if your fate is so uncertain...

Picture it. Carrying your entire life with you. Every memory, ever knick knack, every doodle or drawing, every piece of jewelry, only to die with it all at the top of a hill.

Perhaps, I'm being dramatic. I could very well be. Marriage to a monster doesn't necessarily mean death...but I'm not sure which would be worse. It's definitely the only ending I can fathom right now. Every other result is beyond what I could ever know or conjure up.

Right now, I think I deserve to complain inwardly as much as I wish. My parents won't hear it anymore.

I eye them both carefully, observing every speck of emotion written on their face. Sorrow? Remorse?

I don't think I see anything but fear.

"Let's walk then." I whisper, clearing my throat. I feel as if I haven't spoken in a century, or I'm hearing the voice of a different person entirely.

Yesterday they practically forbid me from my own garden, now this...

"We'll guide you to the bottom of the hill." My father responds with finality. 

I don't allow myself to outwardly react. I am starting to get familiar with the feeling of indifference. It could be just my method of coping for the time being and everything will come crashing down on me later, or I may be forever frozen in stone from here.

We shall see, won't we?

The sun beats down on us unapologetically as we walk in sullen silence. The only sound remains my bare feet swishing through the grass beneath each of my reluctant steps.

I catch my mother eyeing my feet disapprovingly but she doesn't bother uttering a word.

In my mind I wanted to walk freely like this, showing the last of my rebellion proudly.

Another angle was that perhaps they would take me back home and force me to put on my shoes, delaying the inevitable just a little longer. Watch them realize their concern for me and change their mind...somehow. Magically.

I'm not sure either thought has proven to be effective. They do not care for my resistance any longer. My feelings, my actions, are no longer their problem.

The journey takes long enough for me to regret my lack of footwear. And long enough for my parents to finally start grumbling under their breath, and send each other weary glances.

Eventually, when we reach the base of the hill, my parents stop in their tracks formally. Waiting for me to face them, and say our goodbyes.

"Enjoy your walk?" I mutter shamelessly.

"Psyche." My father silences me while my mothers chin wobbles.

"Hope you enjoy the walk back even more." I add spitefully. I'm absolutely finished with pretending to be content with this. I don't have to obey their rules anymore in a moment. Why not let it go?

Why not let every care go?

"There's no point." My father attempts to stop me from my continuing.

"No. There is a point. Because even if I don't have tomorrow, you will. And it is your burden to remember what you are deciding to do just because of some oracle. It is your guilt that must live on for the rest of your pathetic days." My faces shakes as I let it out.
"This is a point is making tribute to that. To remind you of what you are doing. Dictating my fate like it's nothing. I thought I was a gift to you! A daughter!  Not just-not just someone to marry off. I'm not useless otherwise, am I?"

"It's unfortunate your beauty angered the Goddess." Mother whispers.

"It's unfortunate that humans don't know any better and decided to worship the wrong person. Is that my fault?" I retort.

My parents simply exchange looks once again, refusing to answer or acknowledge my question directly.

"Fate is not up to us." My mother finally says. Her horrible attempt at sounding sympathetic. "It is out of our hands." She lays her hands on my shoulders, leaving me with one small look of a mother gazing at her daughter. 

It lingers as something insubstantial, barely affectionate, but prideful for a moment.

"Goodbye princess..."

I look down at their feet, unable to look at either of them as they leave me there. I finally look back when the back of their heads is the only thing left to see. I sense my mother may be weeping, struggling to keep her composure while father holds her steady at his side. 

I keep watching, waiting for either of them to stop or look back. 

But they don't...

My eyes sting and I force them away to look up at the hill before me. My feet are itching to run, to flee. 

The image of a winged beast flying down the hill after me comes to mind. I will inevitably be captured, or left to the mercy of other Gods or Goddesses that may not be too fond of me either. I will be recognized if I even make it to town. By now, they must I am to be sent away one way or another. Someone will tell my parents that they saw me, and then they will be the ones pursuing me to bring me right back where I started. 

Not that I would let them again. I couldn't...I truly have no urge to live or fight for my own life if I would let this all happen again. I'm disappointed enough I let it happen once. That I didn't fight more...

Why am I here?

Where else am I supposed to be? Where else am I safe?

I let an angry tear fall as I stomp towards the hill. Frustrated determination will get me to the top. And if I have to die with angry tears all over my face, so be it! 

I shout such declarations to myself as I near the top. My feet scratched on twigs here and there as I progress, caring less and less. I'm hoping it will escalate to no care at all when I'm finally facing the beast.