Psyche and Eros

Experimentation

His voice is tainted with regret. "You know I am a God, Psyche. You took no time in pegging that. As you must know, Gods have enemies. Those enemies are often equivalent or stronger than I could ever be." 

"Go on." I whisper, looking back up. 

"You have lost so much." He says lowly. "You have sacrificed your entire life and the one before you. Even if it wasn't your choice...hopefully I can make you happy. I will certainly try to make up for the life you could have had. That I have stolen you from...I feel responsible. I am responsible." 

I tilt my head. "How could you be responsible? You said you didn't bribe the oracle. Besides, I had no other marriage prospects as it turned out...another few years my family may as well have locked me in my tower. I was never going to be the daughter they wanted." 

He sighs. "Even if that's true - which I don't think, by the way. I'm sure you would have married a wonderful human down the road. One that you loved..."

"You love me, or so you claim," I interject. 

"That's one-sided," He chuckles. "But nice try."

"It might not be one-sided forever," I try to say positively. I feel immediately self-conscious once the words leave my mouth. 

"As long as it isn't fabricated. Or coerced." He seems to want to end the conversation. I can hear him stand up from the stool, picking up his plates from the island. "I think I'm going to go get cleaned up. I'll see you in a bit if that's alright." 

I give a small smile as I hear him exit the room. I sit quietly and listen for a moment, to both the little sounds of the house and my own tormenting thoughts. In the midst of it, I suddenly hear him on the second floor. 

I didn't hear a single creak on the stairs. I smirk, knowing he's just completely flying around invisibly in this house without need for stairs. It amuses me for some reason. I wish I could see his wings...hopefully they aren't horrifying bat wings. I don't picture them as such at least. I'll give him that decency.

Gosh, that thought is not going to leave my head for a long, long time. What they look like. What colour his hair is, what build he is, how many - if any - human attributes he has. Despite what he claims I will always have doubts. I've heard stories of what else is possible...

He is a God. Distant father. A mother he seems to admire but doesn't speak of...wings are a thing, of course. What else?

Perhaps, his father could be Zeus. That would be most likely according to odds. A father with too many children to dote upon each of them for long or very often. His mother could be anyone with that train of logic. Perhaps - his mother could be dead! If Hera discovered her there is little doubt she would have taken revenge. That would explain quite a bit. Why he would have someone more powerful than him to fear, and why he would have a statue dedicated to his mother out in the garden. It's to honour her...

My thoughts settle in a very calming way. Knowing just this little amount of information helps. 

Confidence fills my chest as I decide to follow him up the stairs, pulling up my long skirt as I do so. I hear him bumping closed drawers in another bedroom. His own. 

The door is open. No need for privacy when you're invisible. 

I come closer in the hallway, my feet creaking on the floor underneath my feet. 

"Psyche?" He calls out to me.

"Hi." Suddenly I am nervous, standing in his doorway.

"Are you alright?" He seems amused.

My hands fidget in my skirts. "Yes...I was just thinking. I would like to spend more time with you."

"Oh?" His tone sounds more pleased even with such a simple response. "And why is that? Not that I'm not happy to hear it."

"I have an idea of who you are."

He steps back wordlessly. Enough for me to read that he isn't as happy about that sentence.

"And I don't have to acknowledge it out loud! I just wanted to say that I've figured out enough to put my mind at ease." I add quickly, which seems to put him at ease him as well.

I hear him step closer. "How at ease?"

I attempt to speak, but I start to feel the warmth of his presence directly in front of me now...and somehow it feels increasingly intimate. Something I wasn't necessarily feeling before through all this confusion. It isn't something I'm used to feeling at all with what little experience I have with men, with love, with mature feelings in general.

I've never even been kissed. Such a thought makes my cheeks start to burn.

Clearly it's visible because he chuckles as he takes another step. "Do I need to ask again?"

I shake my head, a huge smile suddenly appearing on my face. "Enough..." I start.

"Enough?" I can feel his breath leaning down towards me.

I reach down then, finding both of his arms on either side of me. I use my grasp on both of them to stabilize us in near embrace. "Enough - to want to explore further?" I say it like a question, looking up as I do so.

I'm not sure what he is going to do, but I make it clear that I am alright with him making some sort of move. Whether it be an embrace or something further.

I lean my body forward, reaching upwards over his biceps, to grasp his shoulder. A bare shoulder. My hand slightly jerks back. 

He in turn coaxes my hand right back, his own warmly covering mine. It's the exact gesture that brings us even closer, my chin upturned. 

"Do you know what you're doing?" He whispers. 

I shake my head. "No, but I am comfortable with you. We can take a tiny step forward, can't we?" My heart is thumping in my chest but I lean closer. "Kiss me." 

In truth, I want to know what it feels like. If it ignites a spark or anything new within me. I have never been able to explore that side of myself before. I've never been on a proper date. I've glanced at boys enough as a child to know that I like them - some more than others. I've never stepped much beyond that as I reached adulthood. The prospect of marriage and remaining pure was too much of a prick in my side. 

Now, all those issues are no longer applicable. This is who I am stuck with - but perhaps, I don't have to approach it that way.

After all, I love the sound of his voice, his generosity, his kindness, his thoughtfulness. Every talk has nurtured my liking towards him. With time comes affection. I've never fallen in love before, after all. It takes time. With that, there is no reason to postpone innocent experimentation is there?

Finally, with that thought, his lips connect with mine. Softly, like a whisper. I focus and kiss him back, deepening. I hear a groan of surprise from him as his hands settle on the small of my back. 

The combination of the two sends fluttering butterflies from my stomach up into my chest. I would have kissed him further, but he pulls away then. It was forceful, as if he hated to stop himself just as much. 

I close my eyes as we sit in the silence that followed. For a moment. 

"Did you-" He starts. 

"Yes." I answer. "Yes, I did like it."