Summer Relations

Chapter 9

It took me about two hours to realize I was wrong. It took me three more hours longer to realize that I hate myself. It took me twenty four hours to dye my hair black. It took another day for me to throw away all my clothes.

By Christmas morning, I was a wreck, covered in black makeup and hiding my face with my hair.

I didn't smile in any of the pictures.

Mom threw them all away.

Uncle Albert left, a wreck because I'm a wreck.

Now all I do is go to school, goth, come home, cry for an hour, do homework, have dinner, shower, and then sleep until the next day.

On the weekends I eat and sleep and cry.

It's February now.

I'm holding a knife to my wrist, thinking about cutting.

I fucked up so bad, but I can't get to him.

I'm crying.

Dad walks into my room without knocking.

He takes one look at me and starts yelling for Mom.

There, they get into a screaming match.

Today is Spencer's birthday. The guys hate me, and Olivia talks to me because she understands and she's keeping me updated.

Spencer is a mess. He hardly smiles and doesn't really talk to anyone, he's sort of just there.

Uncle Albert, after much pleading and begging, paid his way into the spot of the Princial of Malibu High School, just to watch over them for me.

He confirms everything that Olivia has told me.

I kick my fighting parents out of my room, and for the first time since I've broken, I pick up a guitar and let a piece of the girl I lost reappear.

I write two songs, songs I wish I could play for Spencer.

****

The songs are finally finished on April twelth.

It's a Sunday.

Mom walks into my room with Dad.

"We've been thinking." She says. "And I've never seen a girl as...in need for her lover as you are with Spencer. It would be wrong of us to keep that from you. So, pack your bags. You're moving to Malibu with Uncle Albert. We'll move there on Friday."

I don't need to be told twice.

I pack all of my things.

Uncle Albert moved.

The second he sees me when he picks me up from the airport, his eyes fill with tears and he pulls me into a hug.

"I've never seen someone as broken as you are." He whispers.

"You're crying." I whisper.

"No I'm not, your hair tickled my eye."

****

I started school the next day. There's a school talent show, which Uncle Albert set up for me, on Friday.

I hide behind books in the cafeteria and talk to nobody.

I hear Justice talking loudly to some girl, flirting with her.

Spencer doesn't even smile.

He just reads his science textbook.

I hide my face when Olivia looks over here.

I feel the table shake when someone sits down across from me. I peek my eyes over my book.

Uncle Albert.

"Sitting here watching him miserable is clearly not helping you." he says.
"If they see you with me they're going to know."

"Bullshit. You're goth."

This is a giant school with three thousand students but everyone knows about the new girl, me.

I have every single class with Spencer except for Aerobics, which I have with Olivia.

I don't give them any clue that I'm Natalie.

I almost beat the hell out of my Uncle.

I know that me and Spencer having every class but on isn't just a coincidence.

Uncle Albert puts blonde hair dye on the table.

"Please stop looking like you slit your wrists. It's making you unapproachable."

I see Olivia look over here

I grab the box and throw is in the garbage.

"Could you kindly shut the fuck up?" I hiss.

He sighs. "I'm going to tell him."

"I need time." I whisper. "Just...just keep it to yourself until Monday. If he doesn't know I'm back by Monday, then you can tell them, but for not, just keep your mouth shut."

"What happens if some of them, like Seth, who I'm pretty sure know you're you, shows up at my house?"

"They know where you live?"

"Yeah. They pop in every now and then."

I sigh. "I'll hide."