Red in my Ledger

Chapter Six

YEAR: 2014

I had completed my mission - Nick Fury was dead.
I was supposed to return to the Red Room right away, but I was currently at a Hydra base, and they said they needed my help.
I agreed, as I thought it meant I was going to work with the Winter Soldier.
They told me they didn't need him yet. I regretted my decision to stay when Rumlow came up to me and told me I'd be with him for most of it.
We were informed about our mission - find Captain America, but don't kill him until we recovered the information he was hiding. Hydra wanted to know how much he knew. We were also told to not attack in public places.
"Why exactly am I needed on this mission if we can't kill or attack? That's literally my job" I questioned.
"Captain America doesn't know you, and maybe we'll have the chance to use that to our advantage."
"Right."
We went first to the Triskelion, where Cap worked.
I waited outside in a surveillance van, which proved useful when I saw Cap jump out of an elevator.
"Serves you right" I muttered when I saw Rumlow had been taken down.
I drove after Cap, following him to the hospital.
He went inside, and walked up to a vending machine.
Then I froze as Cap ran into someone.
He pushed them back into another room that I couldn't see into, but I saw them long enough to recognise them as Natasha.

YEAR: 2002
DATE: December 3rd
(Y/n returned to the Red Room in July)

It was Nat's 18th birthday. Yelena and I were sat with her on her bed, as she said she wanted to tell us something in private.
"I figured it out" she grinned when we were both listening.
"What?" Yelena asked.
"I know how to escape."
"Really?" Yelena questioned excitedly.
"Yes. And I plan to tonight, or in the next couple of days."
"That's great!"
"Yes and I plan to get help, and I'll come back and take down the Red Room. And I'll save both of you. I promise."
"Wait... why can't we come with you?"
"Just in case something goes wrong, I don't want to put you guys in trouble- Y/n?"
I had been quiet the whole time they were talking.
"Y/n are you okay?" Nat asked.
I didn't want Nat to leave. I know it was selfish, but she was all I had. The Red Room is all I've ever known. If she took it down, I would have nothing. I had no family, nothing. Neither did pretty much any of the other widows.
Nat didn't understand. She had Yelena. And the adoptive parents she had in Ohio were probably still alive.
So they could all go and be a family again.
"You can't go" I mumbled.
"Y/n, I have to. I have to save everyone here. I'll save you."
"But-"
"Y/n it will be okay. I will come back for you. And everything will work out."
"You- you will come back?"
"Yes."
"You promise?"
"I promise. The only reason I wouldn't is if something happened to me."
I didn't say anything. I hoped that when she said she'd come back, she meant I could stay with her. I imagined travelling the world and exploring with her, and I managed to smile a little.
Nat smiled back at me, relieved that I seemed fine.
We started talking about places we would visit when we escaped. Yelena suggested that they visit their old home in Ohio.
I drifted off as they started to recall memories from their life together.
When I woke up in the morning, she was gone.
———
A week later, Dreykov asked me to go to his office.
He locked the door and stood in front of me.
"Where is Natasha?" he whispered close to my face.
"Um."
"Don't even try to lie to me."
"I don't know."
Dreykov sighed and stepped back, then lunged forward again driving his fist at my nose.
I winced and fell backwards.
"Try again."
"I swear I don't-" he cut me off as he hit me again.
I gulped nervously and stood up straight.
"You share a room with her. She told you. Where is Natasha?"
"She didn't tell me anything" I said, preparing myself to be hit again.
Dreykov frowned disappointedly. He told me to leave.
I thought I was forgiven, until that evening before I fell asleep I was dragged out of my room.
I was pretty sure they were Hydra agents, and my theory was confirmed when I was thrown into the back of a van and driven to a base.
I had no idea what was going on, unsure whether to fight back or not.
It was too late, I realised as they took me to a room where they strapped me back into a chair.
I was terrified.
Dreykov entered the room with another man.
"I'm going to ask you this only once more" Dreykov warned. "Where is Natasha?"
"I told you" I gulped. "I don't know."
An agent approached me and pulled something down to touch my head.
"I thought you were better than this y/n" Dreykov sighed. "Do it."
"I'm not lying-"
Any delusions I had believed that Dreykov ever really cared about me died as pain surged through my body.
I shut my mouth, trying not to scream, and clenched my fists.
I hadn't felt pain like this before.
I didn't last long.
Within seconds my mouth was wide open and screaming out.
Tears escaped my eyes, rolling down my burning cheeks.
I prayed for it to stop.
My eyes were glued shut, but I could feel Dreykov still watching me.
Eventually the machine was switched off, and my screams became despairing sobs.
"Again" Dreykov ordered.
"No" I muttered.
It began again.
Then ended once more.
"Please. No" I whispered, desperately shaking my head.
"What did Natasha tell you?"
"She- she didn't tell me where she was going..."
I saw an agent reach for the switch again.
"No! Wait!" I cried, and they paused. "She..."
I took a moment to breathe in deeply.
"Well?" Dreykov snapped.
"Sh-she just said sh- she wanted to e-escape. B-but she n-never told me h-how" I explained, my voice wavering and croaking in exhaustion. "Sh-she left."
Dreykov looked to the floor and shook his head.
"And you didn't think to tell me? See this! This is why I should never have let you get close with her! Your friendship has made you weak y/n! You need to be stronger!" He looked at the agent controlling the machine and nodded.
"No no no NOOOOOOOOOO!" I screamed in pain as it started all over again.
"You only have yourself to blame for this. You shouldn't have let Natasha leave. You'll learn from your mistakes, though. I suppose you can blame this on Natasha too."
Dreykov left me screaming in pain.
When it stopped, I was finally unstrapped from the chair.
I collapsed to the floor, unable to move any part of myself. Every inch of my skin felt paralysed. There was a ringing in my head. My only connection to reality was the little amount I could see out my eyes.
I looked up from the ground and saw Agent Rumlow, the one that came to me last year on my 10th birthday.
He proceeded to do the exact same thing he did then.
I was too weak to stop him.
And this... this was the moment I began to hate Natasha.
Dreykov was right.
I was only in this situation because of her.
I let my feelings get the better of me; I believed her.
She would never come back, despite the promises she had made.
I was so stupid.
But right now, I was so exhausted that I passed out as Rumlow played freely with my body.