Red in my Ledger

Chapter Thirty

I sat on my bed, doing nothing as always.
My TV was on but I was barely watching it.
I really needed to ask Tony for a new phone.
Then finally I heard the knock on my door.
Before I could answer, Bucky came in and jumped onto my bed next to me.
I turned off the TV and rolled onto my side to face him.
"Hey" he grinned.
"Hey."
"So what do you want to do?"
"I don't mind. Preferably something outside because I haven't left the tower in days."
"Do you want to go on a walk?"
"Yeah okay."
Bucky got off the bed, as I stood up on it.
Before he could do anything, I jumped onto his back.
"Let's go" I laughed and pointed my finger towards the door.
"I hope you're not planning on having me carry you the whole time" he said, as I made myself comfortable.
"Of course not. Just until we get out of the tower."
"Mhm."
He walked out the room and headed for the elevator.
As the doors pinged open, we saw Tony about to come out.
"Oh great, I was just coming to see you."
"Quick Weiner run!" I yelled.
He didn't move.
"What's up Tony?" Bucky asked.
"Where are you going?" Tony questioned.
"On a walk" Bucky said.
"I thought I grounded you" Tony faced me.
"No, you wanted to ground me. Then I reminded you that you can't do that."
"Whatever. Clint's leaving and he wanted to say goodbye."
"Oh. Where is he?"
"He said he'll wait downstairs by the front doors."
"Perfect. Just as we were heading out."
"Mhm. You may not be grounded but you still have a curfew."
"Sure I do."
"Barnes, 10pm."
"Of course Tony" Bucky said. I could see the side of Bucky's smirk creeping around his face.
"Have fun" Tony waved as he walked past.
"Tony wait!" I called. "Before I forget, can you get me a phone? Please?"
"Yeah of course."
"Thank you" I smiled, and Bucky carried me onto the elevator.
It descended to the first floor.
I dropped off Bucky's back and skipped out to where Clint was standing by the door. He was with Natasha.
"Hey kid" Clint smiled at me.
"Tony said you're leaving?"
"Yup. Gotta get back to the family at some point."
"Right. See you around, I guess."
"Oh come on, that's all I get?" he sighed, holding out his arms.
I gave him a hug, then stepped aside to walk past him.
"Where are you going?" Natasha asked.
"On a walk" I said. "Bye."
"Bye y/n" Clint said.
I took Bucky's hand and we walked out the tower together.
"Where do you wanna go?" he asked.
"I just want to walk around for a bit."
After a while, we walked in front of a shopping mall.
"Do you want to go shopping?" Bucky asked.
"I don't have any money."
"You don't have to buy anything, but I have money if you want me to get you something."
"Sure, okay."
We went window shopping for a bit, then I dragged Bucky into a kids toy store to laugh at the avengers action figures.
I made him buy me Iron Man and Black Widow. He also bought Captain America so he could tease Steve.
After that, Bucky wanted something to eat. I told him I wasn't hungry.
We sat in the food court of the mall as Bucky had a plate of fries.
I was playing with the toys we had just bought.
"Stop playing with your brother like that" Bucky said.
"Gross... gimme Steve."
I picked up the Steve and Natasha action figures and made them make out. I grinned at Bucky until he noticed.
"Wow. So mature" he chuckled.
"I know right. Can I have some of your chips?"
"Of course" he agreed. He split the remaining amount of his fries in half, and pushed some over on his plate towards me.
I took them, and started building them into a tower for the action figures to stand on.
"I thought you were going to eat them" he sighed.
"This is so much more fun though."
"This is so much more childish."
"Yeah well I'm just making up for the childhood I missed."
I said it as a joke. Bucky's reaction implied he didn't take it that way. He was smiling up until two seconds ago. Now, he looked down pitifully.
"Weiner it's fine. I was kidding."
"It's not fine. It's not fair..."
I felt bad that he felt bad.
Neither of us said anything more.
I went back to trying to balance the toys on the small tower of chips. But I wasn't in the mood any more. I didn't care when I accidentally knocked it over.
I pushed the fries across the table towards Bucky.
"Y/n when was the last time you ate?"
A few days ago. I didn't know whether to tell him that or not. But most of the time, he knows when I'm lying. So I told him.
"You need to eat something."
"I don't want to."
"Please just have-"
"I don't want anything Bucky."
"Fine" he rolled his eyes.
He cleaned up the small mess I had made and went to throw it away in the bin.
I don't know what happened. We were having fun, I thought, until a few moments ago.
I guess I can't joke about my past yet.
"You ready to go?" Bucky asked as he approached the table again.
I gave him a half-smile as if to say yes as I stood up next to him.
I put the action figures in a bag and Bucky took it off me to carry it.
"Should we just go back to the tower?" he asked as we started walking.
"Mhm."
We walked side by side. Our hands brushed past each other. I wanted to grab it and hold his hand.
Instead, I put my hands in the pockets of my hoodie.
We were walking in silence. It felt wrong. But I couldn't think of what to say. I really wished he would say something.
———
Since you made a 'joke' about your childhood when you were sitting in the food court, Bucky had been quiet.
His mind was clouded with everything that had happened to you that meant you didn't have a normal life. These things that were his fault. He couldn't get them out of his head.
He randomly remembered something. That's when he asked when you ate.
He was worried when you said it had been a few days. He wanted you to eat. He wanted desperately to take care of you when you wouldn't take care of yourself...
He purposefully brushed his hand against yours, hoping you would hold it. He was saddened as you put your hands in your pockets instead.
After a while, he decided to ask you a question.
"Y/n, do you want to get dinner together later?"
—
I was relieved he finally spoke. I didn't care about the fact that he probably only asked to get me to eat something.
"Sure. Like takeout?"
—
"I was thinking, actually, I could take you out to a restaurant?" Bucky asked hopefully.
"Oh. Um. Okay. With all the guys?"
"Just us."
You hesitated to answer.
Bucky grew nervous.
"Weiner, do you mean like a date?"
"... kinda."
"No."