Red in my Ledger

Chapter Eighteen

I didn't know where I was going.
I wasn't sure if I should just leave, run away.
There were so many floors of the Avengers Tower. It shouldn't be hard to find somewhere private.
After I had run out the lab, I found some stairs and descended about three floors before I stopped running.
I began to look around, opening random doors until I found a bathroom.
I looked in the mirror above the sink.
I was a mess.
My hair was everywhere, stuck to my face because of the tears which were still falling down my burning red cheeks.
There was a bandage around my head, but I pulled it off because I wasn't feeling any pain any more.
I looked down and realised I had been dressed in (presumably Natasha's) clothes. I was wearing a t-shirt. No sleeves hiding the cuts and bruises on my arms. Or the tattoo on my wrist.
It was like I was branded. I belonged to the Red Room. The thing is, I agreed with it until not along ago.
I wanted it to go. But I knew I couldn't do anything about it. I could...
The door behind me creaked.
I spun around quickly in shock.
It was Tony. He looked upset.
"I- I saw you come in here. I don't really know why I came in" he frowned, and was about to go again.
"Stark wait" I called. I laughed lightly. "I don't actually know if I can call you Stark anymore if I- if I am technically a Stark too... I'm sorry Tony."
"What for?"
"A lot of things. I'm sorry I was taken-"
"That's not your fault."
"I'm just sorry I'm not as... as excited about having a brother as I should be..."
"Stop apologising. It's not fair of me to expect you to automatically love me like a brother. You've never met me. You never knew about me. I just- you're my sister y/n. Even after all this time, we're family and I'll always be here for you."
I didn't know what to say. I simply nodded gratefully.
I felt bad for Tony. I didn't know if I was ready to have a brother.
I stepped closer and awkwardly patted his back. He put both arms around me and hugged me tightly.
Apparently, I was more important to him than I realised.
"I'm not going to lose you again" I heard him mutter over my shoulder.
I think he said it more as a self assurance than saying it for my benefit.
"Come on I want to- can I show you to your room?"
"Oh so you trust me now? You're not going to lock me up?"
"Do you think you need to be?"
I paused. I didn't want to hurt anyone anymore. Not after I hurt the Soldier. Bucky. Whatever his name is.
"I don't want to hurt anyone" I told Tony.
"And you won't. We'll make sure of it."
Tony guided me out the bathroom, and took me to another floor where there was a spare bedroom.
———
Later that evening, the Avengers were sitting round eating dinner together.
"Has anyone spoken to y/n?" Bruce wondered.
"Not since she ran off in the lab" Natasha admitted.
"Really? You didn't check that she was okay?"
"I did" Tony said. "I showed her to one of the bedrooms and told her to come down for food when she's ready."
Natasha sighed, knowing you were convincing yourself that you didn't need to eat yet.
"Should we go get her? She needs to eat" Bruce said.
"I'm sure she'll be down soon" Tony believed.
They were halfway through their meal when you finally walked through the door.
—
I had been in my room for a while, so I decided to explore a little bit.
I started walking around, opening random doors here and there.
I wasn't looking for anything in particular, I was just curious what was around.
Then I opened one door, and in the room behind it, I came face to face with all the Avengers. They were sitting round a table eating dinner together.
Tony had asked me to join them earlier; I told him I would think about it.
I didn't really want to sit with them.
I was about to just turn and walk out again, but they called after me.
"Y/n come sit" Tony said.
"You must be starving" Clint added.
"No, I- I'm not really hungry" I shrugged.
I stepped out the room quickly before they could object.
—
Without a word, Bucky stood up from his chair and abruptly left the room.
"Y/n!" he called when he saw you out in the hallway.
You turned and stopped walking as he approached you.  
"What's up Weiner?" you smiled weakly.
"You need to eat."
"I'm not hungry."
"Y/n I know you haven't eaten in days. It's not healthy..."
"I-"
"I don't care if you think you can go a while longer or whatever... come on" Bucky picked up your hand and started walking.
"Where are we going?"
"I'm taking you somewhere to eat."
"Where?"
"Anywhere. What do you want?"
"I- I don't know."
Bucky didn't stop. He took you to the lift and pressed the button for the bottom floor.
"Um Weiner" you said as it started going down. "Do you have a car? Or money?"
"Um..."
"I think we need those things."
The elevator doors pinged open.
You looked up at Bucky when he didn't move.
They pinged close again.
—
"I think I'm just gonna go back to my room" I sighed, and reached for the button of my floor.
Bucky stopped me, though. He pressed a different button first.
I didn't know what I was doing, so I just stood next to him in silence.
The lift returned to the floor where the others were eating.
I dropped Bucky's hand just before walking through the door.
He didn't object.
I waited patiently as he went in, then came back out a moment later with someone's wallet.
"Dinner on Steve?" he smiled softly.
He put the wallet in his pocket and held my hand again.
———
Neither you nor Bucky were particularly interested in going to a fancy restaurant.
After a while of not being able to decide what you wanted to eat, Bucky bought the two of you some ice cream.
You had never had ice cream before.
"What do you think?" he chuckled as you bit into it, then your face showed that you instantly regretted it.
"It's cold" you frowned.
"You don't say" he laughed.
"But... it's nice" you nodded.
When you and Bucky had both finished, you continued to walk around the city. 
Bucky took you to a park, and you sat under his arm on the bench.
You watched as the sun slowly set behind the buildings.
—
The view was amazing.
As an assassin, I didn't really have time to appreciate things like this.
I was sitting comfortably on the bench under the soldier's arm.
I looked up at him, only for my gaze to be met by his.
He had been looking at me the whole time I had been looking at the sky.
"Uh I think we should probably get back to the Tower before it gets too dark" I suggested, sitting up on the bench.
"Yeah okay. You tired?"
"Mhm" I lied. Not that I didn't enjoy the soldier's company. I just wanted to go back to my room so that I could be alone for a while.
———
Bucky took you back to your tower and on your way back to your room, you ran into Tony.
"Y/n! There you are" he hugged you briefly. "Where were you?"
You looked at Bucky, who answered for you.
"She wasn't eating, so I took her out for ice cream."
"Okay but next time can you tell me when and where you're going out so I know you're safe" Tony requested.
"Of course. Sorry, Tony."
"It's fine. Are you off to bed now?"
"Mhm."
"Good. Oh by the way Barnes, there's a spare room by Steve's room that you can stay in" Tony explained.
"Thank you Tony. And again, I'm really sorry about everything that happened" Bucky apologised.
"Yeah let's just avoid that subject" Tony frowned.
Bucky walked off in the opposite direction, but Tony stayed standing in front of you.
"Well goodnight Tony" you nodded.
"Night kiddo" he smiled.
Neither of you moved. You awkwardly stepped forward and gave him a quick hug. It was mostly for his benefit, but it felt nice to be in someone's arms.