Red in my Ledger

Chapter Thirty-Four

I struggled to recall the events of last night. I couldn't remember much about what happened after around the third or fourth bottle of vodka that Yelena and I opened.
Now it was the morning after, I was in my own bed again with a pounding headache.
And not alone.
They were behind me, but I'm pretty sure I knew who was there.
Bucky was still snoring softly.
I didn't want to wake him, but I had to get away.
I couldn't possibly imagine how drinking with Yelena ended up with Bucky and I in a bed together.
I should probably go talk to her, I realised.
Bucky had an arm around my waist, so I had to move slowly so as not to disturb him.
I managed to get out of my bed, and I snuck quietly out of my room to find Yelena.
She was sleeping in her room. Well she was sleeping I think until I opened her door and she rolled over to face me.
She instantly grinned at me, knowing something I obviously didn't.  
She sat up and I went to sit next to her.
"What happened?" I groaned.
"You are such a lightweight" she laughed. "How much do you remember?"
"I remember drinking. And I think we left the room at one point. And I know that Bucky was definitely involved, because he is currently asleep in my bed."
"We went to his room because you wanted to call him a jerk. And you did. Then you threw up on his bed so he carried you to the bathroom so you could throw up in the toilet. That's when he told me to leave and he said he would take care of you."
"Oh god."
"So... he's in your bed?"
"Nothing happened. I mean, surely nothing would have happened. Right?"
"I don't know. I left you two alone."
"Ugh. I'm going to hate you for that later."
"I'm sure you will."
"You know what, it's way too early. Do you mind if I sleep here for like one to five hours?"
"Yeah go ahead" Yelena said, then proceeded to get out of her own bed.
"Where are you going?" I asked.
"Breakfast."
"Right."
"Just so you know, if anyone asks where you are, I'm not gonna lie to them."
"Fair. Bye Lena."
"Bye y/n/n."
Yelena left and I lay down in her bed.
I had barely made myself comfortable when there was a knock at the door.
"For fucks sake" I muttered into the pillow. 
They knocked again.
I rolled out of bed and opened the door to find Steve on the other side.
"Hey y/n" he smiled.
"Yelena's not here" I informed him. 
"I know. I was looking for you."
"Why?"
"I have come to bring you to breakfast."
"Seriously?"
"We all agreed, after what happened yesterday, you're not skipping it."
"I was sleeping."
"Too bad" he chuckled and put his arm around me, pulling me out of the room. 
"Why can't I just eat later?"
"Because we're all going to eat together now."
"Everyone?"
"Except Bucky."
"Hm."
"He's still asleep in your room" Steve smirked.
My face went blank.
"Fuck" I mumbled.
"You gonna tell me what happened? I thought you were mad at him?"
"I am! I think. I have no idea how he ended up in my bed. I- I may have had one too many drinks last night."
"Drinks?"
"Yelena's idea to cheer me up. It was working, I think... maybe I'll try it at breakfast too."
"Um, I don't think so."
"I'm kidding. Obviously I'm not going to do that."
We got to the kitchen where Tony, Natasha and Yelena had already sat themselves round the table.
I sat between Nat and Yelena.
"Morning kiddo" Tony grinned. "How are you?"
"I was sleeping" I frowned at him.
"Not my problem. But I do need to make sure you eat. So what do you want?"
I rolled my eyes and started to fill my plate with the selection from the table.
"Did you sleep well?" Natasha asked.
I didn't know if she knew about Bucky.
"Comfortable?" she smirked.
I think she did. Yelena must've told her.
I glanced at Tony, wondering if he knew too.
"What?" he questioned. He didn't know.
Steve leaned towards him and whispered to him.
"He what?!" Tony exclaimed.
I think he knew now.
"Barnes is in your bed? Mind explaining why?"
"Trust me, I wish I knew."
"What do you mean?"
I didn't respond.
"She got drunk last night" Yelena laughed. "It was hilarious."
"Y/n, is that true?"
"Maybe."
"So what happened?"
I looked at Yelena hopefully. She explained up until the point that she left us alone.
"You don't remember anything after that?" Natasha asked.   
"Nope" I said.
We quickly moved off the topic and we finished breakfast. I volunteered to clear the dishes and take them to the sink. As I was putting them down, I heard the door open, and I didn't need to turn to see who was there.
I glanced over my shoulder at where Bucky was standing in the doorway. I looked at the others. They were trying to conceal their laughter, but they weren't doing it very well. I rolled my eyes and turned back to do the washing up.
Footsteps approached me.
Bucky appeared by my side but I tried not to notice as I continued what I was doing.
He leaned over, his face getting increasingly closer. I looked up to meet his gaze.
Suddenly, I remembered something that happened last night.
"Oh god" I muttered.
Luckily, he ignored it.
"We need to talk... about last night" he whispered.
"Um, yeah, okay. Now, or..."
"I'll be outside" he said, then left the room as quickly as he had entered.
"What did he say?" Natasha asked behind me.
I didn't respond.
"Fuck it" I decided after a moment. I opened a cupboard revealing Tony's alcohol stash. I took a bottle, unscrewed the lid, had a drink, then put it down on the side again.
Then I turned and headed out the room to talk to Bucky.
—
He was leaning against the wall in the hallway.
You walked over to stand in front of him, but made sure to keep some distance between you.
"Last night..." he started.
"Last night shouldn't have happened" you interrupted.
"Do you even remember what you did?"
"I kissed you. And asked you to stay in bed with me."
"And you wish that never happened?"
You didn't know what to say. That wasn't entirely true, but it wasn't completely untrue either.
"I also called you a jerk" you recalled. "And I wasn't wrong. You knew I was uncomfortable with the whole dating thing because of everything that's happened. You didn't think. And what you did to Yelena was kinda shitty."
"I know. I'm sorry."
"It's not me you should be apologising too."
"And I'll apologise to her. Later. Right now I want to talk to you. I want to know how you feel."
"Bucky I don't know how I feel yet."
"Okay well let's talk about it."
"I don't know what you want me to say."
"I want to know if you think there's any chance that this could work."
"I don't know."
It's not what he wanted to hear.
"I'm sorry. I need some time" you said.
"We can take it slow" he suggested.
When you didn't say anything, Bucky stepped towards you and put his hands around your waist.
"I really want this to work y/n. If you need time, I'll wait."
You gazed deeply into his eyes, picking out each unique shade of blue. They were eyes you could simply get lost in, like a boat at sea. You wanted to stare at them for hours.
"But what if it doesn't work?" you questioned. "I can't lose you."
"Trust me, whatever happens, we are not going to lose each other."
You paused. How could he be so sure?
"We take it slow..." you said.
You leaned close and pressed your lips against his.
You cupped his cheek in your hand and ran your fingers back into his hair.
His hands tightened around your waist as he pulled your body close to his, lifting you to stand on the tips of your toes.
But to Bucky's disappointment, you stepped away.
A smile grew across his face regardless.
"But we don't tell the others. Not yet. I don't know if it will work. We figure it out ourselves first, on our own."
"Okay."
"Okay" you smiled slightly.
You placed a kiss gently on his cheek and turned to return to the other room. Bucky followed loosely behind.
"Good to see you didn't kill each other" Tony laughed when he saw you. "So is everything alright between you two now?"
You carelessly shrugged and returned to the side of the kitchen where you had left the bottle.
You hesitated, but had a drink nonetheless.
Then you decided to head back to your room for a while to have some time alone.