Red in my Ledger

Chapter Thirty-Five

"Comfortable, doll?"
"Mhm."
"Good" Bucky smiled.
He was in his bed, and you were lying on top of him with your head pressed against his bare chest, listening to the faint sound of his heartbeat. Bucky's hand held the back of your head as his fingers stroked through your hair.
You felt his body shift beneath you as he pulled you up on his chest, allowing himself to place a gentle kiss on the top of your head.
"I love you" he mumbled.
You took a deep breath, but didn't respond.
You turned your head to face Bucky, kissing his soft and tender lips fondly. He returned the favour lovingly, simply accepting that you weren't ready to say those words yet. He was going to be patient. He would wait as long as you needed.
"I should probably go" you sighed after a minute.
You settled your head on his chest once again.
"Tony's probably going to come and look for me soon" you added.
Ever since you fainted a few weeks ago, the others made sure to pay more attention to what and when you were eating.
"Okay. I guess you should head back to your room."
You didn't move.
"Y/n?"
"Just a few more minutes" you smiled tiredly, closing your eyes for a moment.
Bucky chuckled and sat up. You groaned as you slipped into his lap.
"Come on doll."
You stood up and picked Bucky's shirt off the floor, then slipped it on.
You were about to leave to sneak back to your room until his strong arm wrapped around your waist and pulled you back towards him.
You smiled as his head leaned over your shoulder, kissing the side of your neck.
"Bucky" you giggled slightly. "I really have to go."
"Oh, really. Like really, really?" he laughed; his breath felt heavenly against your skin.
"Bye Buck" you smiled, before walking out his room to return quietly to yours.
You managed to make it back without running into anyone, and you got changed into your own clothes before Tony finally came to knock on your door.
"Y/n? I hope you're decent I'm coming in" he called as he pushed your door open.
You kicked Bucky's shirt under your bed and spun round to face Tony.
"You okay?" he asked.
"Yeah I'm fine."
"Great. Ready for dinner?"
"Mhm. Let's go."
Tony put his arm around you and you walked to the kitchen where the others were waiting around the table. Bucky was already there, avoiding eye contact as you walked through the door.
You took a seat directly opposite him, but didn't let your eyes meet.
You faced Natasha as she spoke to you.
"So how are you?" she continued before you could answer... "I feel like I haven't seen you all day. What have you been up to? You weren't in your room when I checked earlier."
"Oh uh I've been walking around the tower. I guess we just never crossed paths."
"Sounds dull" Yelena scoffed. "You should've found us and we could've done something together."
"Well I'll keep that in mind next time I have nothing to do" you nodded at her.
"You know what, Barnes, didn't see you that much today either" Tony realised.
"Yeah, where were you Buck?" Steve asked.
"In my room" Bucky shrugged.
"What were you doing?" Tony wondered.
"Sleeping."
"Alone?" Natasha smirked at him, then at you.
You glared madly at her.
The others had no idea about you two. They hadn't seen you get along since your fight a few weeks ago.
"Obviously" Bucky frowned, speaking slowly, staring with a similar level of anger to you.
"Natasha if you're suggesting what I think you're suggesting, you couldn't be more wrong" you frowned. "Why the fuck would I spend time with him?" You gestured at him, but didn't look.
"I think that's the last thing I'd want to do" Bucky added.
"But you said..." Tony started.
"I know what I said. I've since changed my mind as I've realised, Tony, that your sister is a little bitch."
Your jaw dropped slightly and your angered gaze focused on Bucky. He raised his eyebrows as though he was challenging you.
"Oh yeah? Care to elaborate?" you questioned.
The others said nothing.
Bucky opened his mouth to say something, then rolled his eyes and licked his lips.
Under the table, you had slipped off your shoe and your foot was creeping up his thigh.
Bucky's eyes stared intensively into yours again.
"You are an annoying piece of shit. I don't think much more needs to be said."
The others looked like they were going to interrupt, but you spoke up before they could.
"You know what, I could say the same thing about you. You're a fucking jerk for SO many reasons. I don't understand how these guys could even begin to like you."
"I don't know how I ever liked you! You're unbearable and I understand why your parents didn't want you!"
You froze.
Bucky regretted it as soon as he said it. He had gone too far.
You pushed your chair back and got up. You stormed away from the table without turning back.
The others watched until you walked out the door, then turned back to Bucky.
"You need to leave" Tony scowled.
Bucky didn't hesitate to get up and leave. He exited through a different door, but he found a way to the same place. He went to your room.
He knocked first but didn't wait for an answer.
You were lying on the bed facing the wall.
Bucky closed the door behind him and clicked the lock.
He approached the bed and lay down behind you, holding you in his arms. He lowered his head so his lips hovered over your ear.
"Y/n I am so sorry."
"It's fine. You were just coming up with an argument or whatever. It's what we were trying to do, and it was fake so it doesn't matter."
"No, I have no excuse. I should never had said that. I was way out of line and you have every right to be mad at me."
"I'm not mad at you."
Bucky couldn't see your face, but he could hear a hint of pain in your voice.
He pulled you towards him so your back was pressed against his chest and he kissed down your neck. He reached your shoulder and you finally rolled over to face him.
Bucky looked desperately into your eyes, searching for answers.
"What are you thinking, doll?"
You paused to decide what to tell him.
"I don't want to tell the others, but I can't argue with you anymore. I don't want to risk losing this so, maybe, we don't speak to each other. Just when we're around the others."
"Whatever you want doll."
"Thank you" you smiled lightly and kissed him to prove your gratitude. "You're amazing Buck."
"Yeah I know" he smirked.
He started to kiss you again, but there was a knock on the door not long later.
"Crap" you muttered. "Who is it?"
"Y/n?" you recognised Tony's voice. "Why is the door locked?"
"Uh, privacy" you called.
"Can you unlock it please?"
"Why?"
"Because I want to talk to you."
"Why?"
"To make sure you're okay. Can you please open the door?"
"Okay hang on a sec."
"What are you doing?" Bucky whispered.
"Shush! Get behind the door" you ordered quietly.
You crept towards the door and Bucky hid behind it before you opened it a small fraction.
"Yeah, what's up?" you asked.
"Like I said, I wanted to make sure you're okay. Can I come in?"
"Yeah, no."
"Why not?"
"I don't really want to talk about it."
"Y/n I don't want you to be alone when you're upset."
"I'm not upset. Barnes is a bitch and that was a crap thing to say... but it doesn't matter."
"It does matter. He crossed a line. You don't care?"
"Not really. It's just life, Tony. Gotta deal with it."
"Y/n-"
"Did you want anything else?"
"Okay. I'm clearly unwanted. I'll go then" Tony frowned and started to walk away.
"Tony wait!"
You ran out your room and hugged him just as he turned around again. He smiled and put his arms around you too.
"Sorry. I'd just rather be alone right now. But I- I can come find you later and we could watch a movie, if you want?"
"Yeah okay. You sure you're fine on your own?"
"Mhm. But thank you Tony."
"No problem..." he stepped back and smiled at you. "Oh and y/n..."
"Hm?"
"Mum and dad loved you. More than anything. They never wanted to give you up."
"I know."
"I wish none of this ever happened."
"Me too."
"I'll let you be alone now."
"Thank you. I'll see you later."
"Bye y/n."
Tony kissed the top of your head, then you watched him walk away.
You returned to your room and closed the door behind you. Bucky slowly wrapped his arms around you.
"Sure you're okay?"
"Mhm. Buck, maybe I could benefit from being alone for a little while."
"Okay... Are you still mad at me? I completely understand if you are..."
"I'm not mad at you. I'll talk to you tomorrow."
"See you tomorrow" Bucky sighed. He grabbed your door handle to go.
"Bucky!" you whined.
He looked at you, confused. You stepped towards him and, cupping his cheeks in your hands, gave him a parting kiss goodbye on his lips.