The Owl House (Reader insert)/ The Golden Gaurd x reader

Episode 3: We were teenage abominations

Eda: Well, you two! [elbows them] Did you guys ever in your life think you'd see something as breathtaking as this?

[She gestures to the corpse of a that towers over them. It's surrounded by trash and muck. Flies audibly buzz around the corpse.]

Luz: [shaking her head] I don't like this. [She plugs her nose.]

Y/N: Neither do I-[gags] I think I'm going to puke-

Eda: [walks to the trash slug] Yes, it doesn't get much more inspiring than the trash slug. It makes a home, a life from what others have thrown by the wayside. [pulls a rubber chicken from the trash slug's mouth] Until, blam, it gets blasted by a wave one day and croaks from all the salt. And then we get to sell the stuff it ate. [She pulls out a pickaxe.]

Luz and Y/N: Please don't make us.

King: [walking away] Aw, come on, guys. [unfurls a towel] It's not every day you get to go to the dump and pick apart a garbage carcass.

Eda: Ah, nuts to you all.

[Eda swings the pick at the trash slug.]

Luz: So, Eda...

[Glass shatters.]

Y/N: What if we tried some new lessons for ourselves? Like...

[Something crashes.]

Luz: Read ancient scrolls or mix together potions, or‐

Eda: [while tossing things from the trash slug's mouth] Ugh. That sounds like a bunch of school stuff.

Luz: Wait. Is there a magic school here? Like, winding towers, cute uniforms, dark plots that threaten your life kind of magic school?

Eda: Mm‐hmm. What's worse, they force you to learn magic the "proper" way. But magic isn't proper. It's wild and unpredictable. And that's why it's so beautiful. I didn't finish school, and look at me! Who wouldn't envy where I am right now?

[Flies are flying around the pile of trash Eda is currently standing in. Luz's and Y/N's expression falls.]

Eda: Uh... Hey, here's a lesson. [drops her pick] A great witch is resourceful, [sticks Luz's hand in a puddle of trash slug bile] like this.

[Eda drags Luz's and Y/N's hands back and forth before letting go. Luz and Y/N continue digging until Luz pulls something out. When Luz gets something Y/N takes her hand out and wipes it on her shirt.]

Luz: Oh, hey. Greasy slime ball.

Eda: [closes Luz's hands around the slime ball] Use your slime ball wisely, young witch. [stands and heads back for the trash slug] Back at it! We'll hit the stink nodes first.

Y/N: Actually, if it's okay, [starts backing away] I think we'll head home and look at pictures of animals that are still... alive. 

Luz and Y/N: Love you, King. [pets his belly]

King: [giggles]