the guide to stop loving ; txtzy

𝘊𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘛𝘸𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘺 𝘚𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯

BEOMGYU'S POV

I held onto the envelope that was given to me the day before I left the camp. I stared down at the handwriting, and all these memories of her came running back to my mind. I knew she was going to leave. I already knew she wasn't meant to stay with me, even though she told me she would. I accepted that fact, but I will lie to you if I'm going to say that it did not hurt.

"Beomgyu?" I quickly slipped the small paper in my back pocket as I turned to see who called my name.

It was my girlfriend's mom.

"What are you doing here in the kitchen all alone?" She asks.

I gave her a smile and said, "Just remembered how your daughter and I used to hang out a lot here because she loved baking."

But aside from that, I remembered how Ryujin tripped herself and ended up pressing her lips against the side of my lips that one night.

Everything that surrounds me just reminds me of her, and it makes my heart ache everytime.

I joined them on the dining table, and my mom gave me a specific gaze. A gaze that told me that I should be ashamed for falling for another girl while attempting to get through the heavy grief I had when my ex passed away. She found out right away after seeing my phone's photos. I told her many times nothing happened between me and Ryujin, yet she still suspects me in dating her.

I can't even see her now. How in the world can I date her?

"So, Beomgyu, your mom told me you went to a rehabilitation camp?" I choked on my food after hearing her description. She stated that as if I was addicted to drugs.

"It was just a camp to help people unwind," I replied.

"How was it there?" I could see my mom from my peripheral vision. She was staring at me like she's commanding me to not utter a word about Ryujin and the other people I met there. What should I say then? I went there and lived weeks alone? That was my initial plan, but Yeonjun literally pulled me out of my cabin.

"It was nice. It had great programs for meditation."

"I hope it didn't make you forget about my daughter," she said. I went silent.

Of course I didn't forget her. I spent years with her. She taught me so much as we both grew into adults. She became my best friend and my ride or die. We were so in love, and it's still excruciating to remember that she's gone. And yes, I do feel guilty about falling for Ryujin. Because somehow, it appears that I made her a replacement for my deceased girlfriend. Which is not true. Everything I felt was pure. She was never a replacement.

"Don't worry. It didn't," I replied. She nodded, and my mom sighed in relief.

"But do know this, Beomgyu. You are free. You can fall for someone else. I am not going to hold you down. Be free."

I do not know what to reply, but all I did was to nod at her statement.

♡

After that dinner, I went to the hidden park where me and my girlfriend used to go to. It's where we can see the night sky clearly.

I closed my eyes, and spoke all alone like a mad person.

"Hey love. How is it up there? I miss you. You know that I still love you, right?" Silence embraced me.

"But... I think you already know. However, I'm still going to tell you. I fell in love with another girl, and I think I'll never see her again. I know you're always looking out for me, even from up there. And I know I'm an asshole for asking you this, but do you think I'll see her again?"

I know I'm foolish to wait for her response, but it's nice to let it all out even though she can't hear me. Before, I thought it's better to just take my own life and be with my girlfriend, but it all changed because of Ryujin. It changed because everyday she gave me a reason to live, although some of her reasons are stupid. She would tell me I should live for the fish living in the sea. She was really funny.

I stood up and walked on the silent streets with my earphones on. I was blankly staring at my way. My mind was blank too.

Then, the next thing I knew, I have already hit my butt on the floor, for bumping into someone.

"I'm sorry," I muttered.

"Fuck. My application papers are all drenched," the person whined.

I helped her pick up the now wet papers on the floor. Thanks to me, I guess. As I help her pick it all up, I saw one paper with a picture on it. It was the front page of the application paper. I slowly stood up, and the papers were swiftly snatched from my grasp.

Her hair is black now. She lost weight. She's not wearing summer clothes anymore. I could barely even recognize her with her appearance.

Ryujin.

She's standing before my eyes.

"Ryujin." She looks up, and our eyes met. It is her. I know those two expressive dark brown eyes very well.

"Beomgyu!" She almost said in a squeal.

"What? You're here?" She asked with a chuckle.

"Yeah. I am. I left the camp right after you did." She nodded in response to what I did.

♡

RYUJIN'S POV

I was afraid that this day would come. That this man will appear before me after all that has happened in that camp. Believe me, I have completely moved on from it as much as how I have forgotten from my stupid ex.

But now, he's here. The guy I spent my weeks with in that camp.

I know I liked him, and I know I expressed a bit too much on that brief letter that I gave him. So now, all I want is for the ground to swallow me up because I am highly embarrassed to face this man, especially now that I look like a mess because I have been running.

"You really should stop spacing out while walking in public like this," I said.

He laughs. "Yeah, I should do that."

I bit the inside of my cheek. "Uhm, I'll get going  now. I have to go home to my parents. I have a curfew."

That was a lie. I lost my curfew ever since I turned eighteen.

"Wait, when can I see you again?" Shit.

"Uh... here's my number. I'm really running late now." I ran away. I gave him the front page of my application paper. Of course, I ripped off my picture from that paper. I know I'm gorgeous, but not that photo.

But aside from that, I hope it was the right decision to give him my number.

author's note:

aaaaa, their stories from outside
the camp are being told!