Chosen // loki laufeyson

Chapter Thirty Five

Chapter Thirty Five

Lienna

"Lienna, I need to speak with you after breakfast," Odin whispered as he passed Loki and I. Then, he whispered something to Thor, and took his usual place next to Frigga. Odin gestured for the eating to begin, and the normal chatter arose.

I leaned in to Loki. "Why do you think he needs me?"

"Perhaps to see if you're doing well, make sure I'm not-" he rested his hand halfway up my thigh- "up to things I shouldn't be."

I laughed quietly. "Goodness, Loki, with that behavior who wouldn't be wondering what you were up to?"

After we had our discussion, he seemed to be back to his old mischievious self. It was quite a change, but certainly not an unwelcome one. He brought me out of my shell and put me back into the sarcastic girl I was.

Breakfast went by fast. Things seemed rushed, but in the palace, that was almost a norm. Before I knew it, I was speaking with Odin.

"I assume you and Loki are doing well," Odin said.

I nodded.

"I assumed so. Your healthy glow has returned. I always wanted a daughter, Lienna, and you're the closest I will ever have to that, so know that I care about you," Odin continued. That shocked me a bit. It often felt as though Odin only cared for Frigga, Thor, and on occasion, Loki.

"Thank you," I replied.

Odin studied my face for a moment. "I requested your presence because we have both Ander and Sian in our custody. Of course, Sian's punishment will be decided once the other Nine Realms bring their punishments for him, but Ander is a very different case. I understand this is a sensitive subject for you, but a decision needs to be reached before your wedding."

I swallowed hard. "I... I do not know..."

"Think about this today, and try to reach a decision by the end of the day. Otherwise I will have Loki decide as he is your significant other-"

"Death." I said without really thinking. "I want him sentenced to death."

I could see the surprise in Odin's face. "Are you sure?"

"If we banish him, he will come back to get me. If we let him go, he'll kill us all. If we kill him, he won't be a problem. I have one condition: I wish to have no part in it or to hear anything about it."

Odin nodded, deeming my sentence acceptable. "The last topic I need to speak with you about is Thor-"

I leaned in very close. "Break his heart again and you can be very sure I will retaliate," I hissed.

"Now, Lienna, you know Wisteria was none of my doing."

"I am not talking about her," I responded. "Don't give him something he thinks he can have when you know he can't."

"I see. Lienna, you are free to go." Odin dismissed me.

Instead of climbing the stairs to get Loki, I stepped outside. The frigid winter air bit at my skin, but I ignored it. I needed to walk away from the palace and think.

I found a path that wasn't covered in a light layer of snow like everything else and began down it. My breath fogged out on front of me, reminding me I was still breathing, still alive.

In a way, Ander started me down this path. We were engaged. Then I was taken away and his final words were, "Don't fall in love." Yet I did. I felt selfish, even though it wasn't. Ander wasn't love for me, it was pity. And now I killed him. Maybe his death would erase the subtle guilt I felt about leaving him.

But Thor. I would never love him like I loved Loki. Loki held passion, hope, and mystery, and Thor held nothing but a broken soul wanting to be fixed. My heart may never stop hurting for him, no matter what happened. He would never have closure with me because he would never let go of me. I just wanted him to feel loved.

I wanted everyone to be okay. No one deserved the pain I caused them, but I had no way of fixing it. I just hoped with my whole heart that this would fix itself. Something told me it would never be fixed, but I chose to ignore that. I was getting better. I wouldn't let that go.

Getting better meant the wedding would come sooner, and I didn't know if I was ready. All I had ever known was engagement, and a whirlwind feeling I swore was love. Loki reminded me I was whole, that I could do what I needed to; he also told me I could have fun and feel pleased. It was amazing what he did, but I was worried marriage would take that away. I wouldn't be able to provide an heir to Odin's throne, and I wasn't sure I would want to if I could. I would become a princess after marrying Loki, and I didn't know if I could handle that stress. Maybe I could convince Loki to stay out of the limelight of Asgard for a while after our wedding. At least until I knew I was okay.

My hand had turned pink from the cold, but it didn't phase me. I pulled the glove off of the artificial hand and put it on the other. I kept walking, not sure what I was headed toward. Maybe I was trying to find a solution as I walked, but I wasn't sure I would.

I stopped. Frustration was boiling under my skin, and I wasn't too sure how to dispell it. Bottling it up would do me no good, but letting it go might not be the best either. Another problem without an answer.

I sat down, my back against the stump of a tree. The ceiling of tree branches protected me from the snowfall, but the ground was still painfully cold. I pulled my knees to my chest.

I could just freeze right here. I wouldn't have to desperately attempt to solve any of my problems or live with myself, but if I did, Loki would be torn apart and so would Thor. I sighed.

Then I cried, not because I was sad, or lonely. Because I couldn't do anything else. I let it all out to the surrounding trees, which seemed willing to listen. Tears nearly froze on my face, and my throat began to hurt, but this was good. This was freeing my emotions safely, without burdening another or hurting myself. When no more tears would come, I got up and walked home, leaving my problems with the trees.

It will be okay, they seemed to whisper, and I believed them. Strange, how I believed trees more than myself.

I could almost feel the warmth of the palace calling to me. As soon as I stepped inside, the heat seeped into my bones and suddenly I was exhausted. My dress was soaked. I trudged up to my room, peeled off the dress, changed into a warmer one, and curled up in the bed.

As I slipped into the coma that follows crying, I felt Loki's arms around me, his face pressed into my hair.

It will be okay.

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