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happy birthday beloved rennie <3 !!
tw: mentions of self-harm ,, suicidal thoughts and smoking
march 30th - 16. 30pm
"i'm heading out" you said.
"where are you going? did you forget you're grounded?" levi asked, looking at you through his glasses.
"so? it's eren's birthday! no way i'm staying here" you said, a small smile on your face.
"no! go up to your room!" he said.
"you can go, hunny! have fun!" your mother said, smiling at you.
"thanks, mom! see ya" you said, closing the door behind you.
you started walking towards eren's house. nearly thirty minutes later, you were standing outside of his front door. you rang the doorbell and some minutes later, his mother answered it.
"hello mrs yeager!" you said, smiling at the woman in front of you.
"long time no see, dear! come on in!" she said, smiling at you.
you thanked her and walked into the house.
"eren is upstairs, dear! i'm gonna make the last preparations for the party!"
"do you need any help?"
"no, no! thank you though! if you need anything, don't hesitate to come ask me!" she said, her usual sweet smile painting her features.
you nodded your head and started walking towards the room you were so familiar with. without even knocking, you entered the room, the smell of smoke hitting your nostrils.
"yo, 'ren!"
"fucking shit! you scared me! learn how to fucking knock!" he said, a hand over his fast-beating heart.
you just chuckled, leaving your bag in the chair in front of his desk.
"so what's up?" he asked, sitting on the bed.
"i ran out of cigs!" you sighed, falling on the bed.
your arm covered your eyes, trying to avoid looking at his shirtless figure.
"i only have this and another one! i didn't have time to go buy more!" he said, smoke coming out of his nose.
"but what's up? i know you're hiding something"
"pass me the cigarette and i'll talk" you said, smirking.
he chuckled, removing it from his lips and putting it past your parted ones. the smoke in your lungs was exhaled on your faces at the same time.
"you bastard! you kept it in you til i was done?" you asked, smiling up at him.
"i knew you were gonna go for my face!"
"now go on! continue!" he said, laying next to you.
he opened the packet of cigarettes and took out the last one. he put it in his lips, lighting it and taking a whiff.
"basically they found out about me smoking. and i mentioned you're the one that 'helped' me start it. i didn't really have a choice to not talk. and~ that's why i ran out! my dad got rid of them. i only had two hidden in my bra!" you explained, looking at him.
"your bra? damn, that's clever!" he said, smiling.
"but still... how do you feel about it?" he asked, placing the cigarette on your lips.
"i feel... empty"
his attention turned to you, once again. he stared at you, waiting for you to continue.
"i've been under pressure... school, life... everything. oh, and anxiety! anxiety is one hell of a problem! i can tell that it's tearing me apart..." you sighed, turning to look at him.
"well, i can see that! how is your relationship with your parents after all this?"
"my dad grounded me but i came here thanks to my mom! both of them don't seem to trust me but meh, it's fine!"
you passed him back the cigarette, after taking a whiff.
"what's wrong?" you asked, once you saw his wide eyes.
"what's that?"
'fuck!'
you tried to cover the bandages with your sleeve, but it was too late. he pinned your amrs on the mattress, holding you still with force, but not too much so he wouldn't hurt you.
'why is he on top of me, shirtless, while pinning my hands down?'
"excuse me? what were you saying?"
"i said, don't tell me you're doing what i think you're doing?"
"wanna see?" you asked, a smirk on your face.
"only if you're comfortable!"
you nodded your head, allowing him to remove the bandages. jade eyes looking at yours, trying to find a hint of discomfort. he found nothing so he kept removing them.
"why?... why y/n?..." was all he could say.
silence.
"i want to die" you breathed out.
"why?..."
"because i can't take all this. whenever i'm able to sleep, it feels like i'm dead and i like it!" you said, looking at him.
"no! just no! you can't kill yourself because of shit that happens! everything changes! nothing stays the same. what about your parents? our friends?"
"you all be better off without me! but let's not talk about something so dark today. it's your birthday after all!"
"you're more important than my stupid birthday! they come every year but you..." he stopped.
"me what?"
"how will i know when your sick mind will make you take away your life? you dying without me being able to saygoodbye or without being able to see you again... i don't want that!"
"eren... why are you crying?"
"i don't want to imagine how life would be without you! no matter what you're saying, i'll always be by your side! if you die, i die too!"
"don't die, eren... live your life to the fullest and forget about me!"
his lip was trembling and his tears fell on your face. he rested his head on your shoulder, his hands under your body in an attempt to hug you.
you wrapped your arms around him and rested your head on top of his.
