Madness oneshots and hcs (requests open)

more of Hank and Doc kicking each other's asses because funny

The two sat and stared, hatred shining in their eyes.
"Your scrawny ass is lucky I need you alive to pull me out of Purgatory, shitface" Hank snarled.
Doc narrowed his eyes "and you're lucky that I need you to help kick the AAHW's asses otherwise I would of killed you ages ago" Doc snapped back.
The only thing stopping them for throwing punches again is the fact that the wounds from the first fight were still healing. Doc had very reluctantly patched up Hank after fixing up himself. "Okay, I'm gonna try find out where the fuck Sanford and Deimos are, don't do anything stupid or I'll kick your ass again, prick" Doc said, standing up and leaving. Hank lay down on the surgery bed. They hoped Doc could find Sanford and Deimos soon, Hank couldn't stand another minute with that crazy ass bitch.

Doc sighed in frustration. No luck, the agency was sure getting better at hiding it's prisoners. He walked back into the medical room. Hank was lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling. "You better not do anything stupid tonight that disturbs you wounds, I worked so hard at not letting you bleed out, despite that fact that I wanted you to" Doc said.
"I'll sleep, but you better not get any ideas when I'm asleep, don't act like I haven't seen you cannibalise grunts, and you literally threatened to gut me and eat me earlier" Hank gave the doctor a hard stare.
"I won't, I won't. Night Hank" Doc turned and left, not waiting a response since he wasn't going to get one.

Now, Doc did say he wasn't going to try to eat Hank, but Doc was a top trickster, so that would explain why Hank woke up that night to a stinging pain in their face and Doc leaning over them with a surgical knife. Hank yelled and grabbed the surprised Doc by the throat. "What the fuck are you doing?!" He shouted.
"Well. I was uuuhhhh...checking to see if your wounds were infected! Yeah" Doc said. Hank tightened his grip on his throat.
"You're a fucking liar, I know dam well that you were about to eat me, weren't you, you little rat!" They spat.
"Yeah" Doc said calmly. "You're sick" Hank snapped
"Well what did you want me to do? Baby you? Sugarcoat our current dilemma? Awwww, widdle Hank wants to be babied! How adorable!" Doc said in a mocking baby voice. Hank slammed Doc's head into the small table next to the bed. "I should fucking rip you apart" he growled. Doc pushed Hank away, wiping away the blood spilling from his head wound. "Go on, do it" Doc spat. Hank jumped out of bed and lunged for the doctor. Doc swung his surgical knife, attempting to slit Hank's throat but missing and leaving a long cut across Hank's chest. Doc took another swing and managed to stick the thing into Hank's collarbone. As he tried to pull it out, Hank grabbed Doc's arm and broke it. The small man cried out in agony, and without hesitation, pulled back his leg and kicked Hank square in the nuts.

The next day, they were sitting and staring at each other with hatred. Doc with his arm in a sling and bandages wrapped around his head, Hank with bandages wrapped around their upper body and their hands hovering protectively over their nuts.

Neither of them could wait until they could get Sanford and Deimos back.