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you took a deep breath as you set down the phone. you knew he wasn't mad at you, but it still hurt that he didn't want to be around you. it was a testing week for the both of you, and the stress as at an all-time high. it was his first year finals in his history and teaching classes. he was fine with those, but it was the absurd math class that he really didn't need to be a teacher. he was fine in math, but they always seemed to be the hardest tests.
you've been stressed with writing essays for colleges, and finals in a few of your classes. the two of you started to be beyond busy, and you were getting antsy as you hadn't seen barry in a while. but the past couple days, you had a hard decision to make. you had applied for multiple colleges and finally got the final letter. you had gotten in to any of the colleges. you could either keep applying for colleges or take a gap year and reevaluated next year. you knew that you could go to a few community colleges nearby, but you didn't want to. your mom screwed you out of a college education when she stopped teaching at a university. the whole plan was to go to that school because it wouldn't be as expensive, but then she resigned, and you couldn't get in to any other college.
you wanted to talk it out with barry and come up with a plan, but you were too upset to make waves in his already stressful week. he was also in a bad mood and pushed you away, which put a dent in your heart and anxiety in your head. you thought of what ifs, what if he didn't want to be around anymore? what if he had enough of you? what if he found someone better?
after barry complete his assignments, it was the next day, and he rushed off to class before falling back asleep in his bed. after resting up and feeling refreshed, he texted you. looking back on the texts, he felt bad because you clearly wanted to be around him, and he was just so exhausted and stressed that he took it out on you. he felt unwelcomed guilt fill up his chest.
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as barry drove over to your place, he realized he hadn't seen you in almost a week. barry knew you had a sensitive heart, it was one of the things he loved most about you. he was worried of what was going through your beautiful head, but he would make it right. barry came into the house and went to your room when he arrived. you were curled up on your bed, a look on your face that just broke his heart. he closed the door and kneeled down beside you, his hand reaching out to bring the hair covering your eyes behind your ear.
"i'm very sorry, my love. i've been a douche-i'm so sorry." barry murmured as you stared over at him.
"I just thought-you'd had enough of me. because this is what happens, they push me away when they're done with me. and i knew you wouldn't do that, but it felt like that, so i didn't know what to do." you rambled, tears welling up in your eyes. "i'm sorry-i should've known-."
"hey no-." barry replied, shaking his head as he looked down at you. "i cut off our line of communication. i was being ignorant. i know how to take care of you and i stopped because i was struggling to take care of myself." he confessed as you sat up in your bed staring at him.
"i was so worried." you murmured, as barry nodded and reached for your hands. the two of you looked at each other. "are you okay?" you whispered, your hand coming out to his face. barry's blue eyes lightly glistened as he stared at you. you leaned forward and spread your legs. he crawled in between them and cuddled into your stomach. "we just have to tell each other when we're not okay."
"i'm sorry, y/n." barry said, his voice breaking a bit as he held on to him.
"it's okay, i love you." you replied, leaning down to kiss his forehead. "we just have to communicate better." barry nodded, and a little cry roared from his throat as you held on to him, tears falling down your own cheeks. you hated hearing him like this. you always knew he had some mental health problems, but he never admitted to them, but as he cried in your arms, you would've done anything to help him. barry moved his head up to talk as you looked down at him.
"i get so stressed and i just don't know how to handle it. there is so much pressure on my back an' i don't want to disappoint anyone, especially you." barry said, his voice soft and weak.
"you could never disappoint me, barry. ever. you are so amazing, and i love you more than i've ever loved anything before. i'll always be here." you said, softly.
"i'll figure it out and i-i won't do this again." barry said, as you shook your head.
"it's okay to break down sometimes, barry." you replied.
"not for me." barry murmured.
"that's not true, especially you. you have one of the biggest hearts i've ever seen. it's okay to not be okay." you reaffirmed as barry sat up and leaned into your neck and nuzzled himself against you once again. your hand moved across his back, up his shoulder and down his arm. his fingers twitched and reached out for yours. "I love you barry, so much." you whispered, as you intertwined your fingers as you left little kisses along his skin as he cuddled into you.
"i love you too." barry whispered, softly, barely their whisper.
the rest of the night, you held on to barry, and he attached himself to you like he never wanted to let go. from now on, it was a little easier for the two of you to admit that something was wrong. but your worry for barry's mental health didn't simmer down. you just wanted him to be okay.
