I can't enjoy our remaining days here in Switzerland. I was very occupied by the information Jisnel told me about the other day.
Buti na lamang talaga at hindi ako binigyan ng mga assignments ng mga instructors namin.
Pagod akong humiga sa kama dulot ng napakahabang byahe. Weekend ngayon kaya may time pa para makapagpahinga bago pumasok sa school.
Akala ko ay makakapagpahinga ako ngayong weekend pero hindi pa rin pala. I can't relax because of overthinking.
There are a lot of what ifs. What if hindi naman pala sila? What if iba talaga yung may gawa? What if coincidence lang ang lahat?
Inabala ko na lang ang sarili ko sa ibang bagay. Medyo maalikabok ang bahay dahil sa ilang araw na hindi nalilinisan.
Habang naglilinis ay napansin ko na naman ang litrato sa tukador.
Zhyrll Kate, sino ka nga ba talaga?
Matagal ko itong tinitigan at tama nga siya.
Magkamuka silang dalawa, it's just a young version of her but indeed they are identical.
Matapos maglinis sa sala ay sa mga silid naman ako naglinis. I went to the attic to put some stuffs. Habang inilalapag ang isang karton na puno ng napaglumaang gamit sa aking kwarto ay napansin ko ang isang box. The box looked familiar so I took it and opened. Nangunot ang noo ko nang mabasa ang aking pangalan sa takip ng box.
I opened it and saw a lot of pictures of me when I was young. I picked up one of the photos. Nangunot ang noo ko nang matanto na parehong tao ang narito sa hawak ko at iyong nasa ibaba. Ngunit ang pagkakaiba lamang nila ay ang setting.
Nang bumaba ako ay naroon na ang mga magulang, itatanong ko sana sa kanila kung sino ang babe ngunit may mga bisita pala kami.
"Mare, ito na ba si Zhyrll Kate?" tanong ng isa. My mouth gaped open.
"Ang gandang dalaga, Mare. Manang-mana sa'yo." Segunda naman ng isa pa.
Hindi ko na nasundan ang mga pangyayari. Dumiretso ako't nagkulong sa kuwarto hanggang sa maggabi.
Whor really are you, Zhyrll Kate? bakit nila sinasabing ako ikaw? Anong kuneksiyon nating sa isa't isa?
Pinilit kong huwag isipin ang tungkol doon pero bumabalik pa rin. What should I do?
Dumating ang araw na kailangan na namang pumasok sa school. umaga pa lang ay wala na ako sa sarili, hindi ko nga maalala kung nakatulog ba ako ng maayos sa loob ng dalawang araw na 'yon.
Jisnel wants to solve the problems as soon as possible but I can't help him. I have my own problems too. My personal life is my priority.
Pinili kong mapag-isa muna. Pumunta ako sa likod ng buildings. Tahimik dito dahil walang gaanong tao ang pumupunta. May mangilan-ngilan para lang magyosi at siesta.
Dala ko ang munting diary na nakalkal ko sa may box nung nakaraan. The writings are old but still readable.
I opened a random page. Naitapat ito sa Ika-labing isa ng Oktubre taong Dalawanglibo't labingwalo.
"Exhausted..." I traced and read the title.
"Dear Diary, today is October 11, 2018. This day is the most wonderful day of my life, we finally have a donor for my twin's heart and brain transplant! Finally, the long wait is over. Makakapagbonding na rin kami. Makakapagtravel na ulit. And I am praying for her fast recovery. Love you, sis. Love, Zhy."
I turned it to the next page.
"Today is the day. Hindi ako makakasama sa surgery ng kambal ko dahil magre-report kami sa school. Schedule din ng Field activity namin ngayon at bawal um-absent. Sana maging maayos ang operation mo! Love, Zhy."
Habang binabasa ko nang matagal ang diary ay bumibigat ang pakiramdam ko. Naiiyak ako na ewan. Napakaraming tanong ang nais kong masagot, ngunit hindi ko naman maitanong ang mga ito. Nakaka-frustrate.
The diary ended here.
I got home earlier than usual. Mag-isa kong umuwi. Hindi ko alam ngunit hindi ko ramdam na may kaibigan ako ngayon. I'm too preoccupied with my thoughts and personal problems.
Pagod ako buong araw kahit wala naman akong gaanong ginawa. Hanggang sa sunod na mga araw, pagbabasa lamang ng diary ni Zhyrll Kate ang ginawa. Nagbabakasakaling masagot ang ibang nga katanungan ko.
Who is Zhyrll Kate really is?
What's the relationship between me and her?
I decided to read the first pages to understand the flow of the diary more. She started writing it when she was in her freshmen year in college, as a Criminology student. We share the same birthday. She dreamed of becoming a law enforcement officer someday, that explains why she took criminology as her degree. She has a twin sister that she didn't see for years, and she's longing for her everyday. I guess her twin sister is the same as the one she mentioned on the last pages— the one whose sick and will undergo a surgery.
"Dear diary, my birthday is nearing! I am excited but at the same time sad. I wish that I will be able to go to L.A to pay a visit for my sister. I missed her so much. But then, my final exam is nearing too. Maybe I should go there when the school year ends. But I just can't help it knowing that she's suffering there alone? Not totally alone, she's with our grandparents but that is not enough. She needs us there, her family. I know she's longing for me too. I envy Kuya Von, he flew to Los Angeles just this morning. I can't join him because I have classes to attend. I want to quit school! But I want to be just like my father, eh. He's a law enforcer by the way. I was thinking, I should be a doctor instead. I want to cure my sister from her sickness, that way we will be together again. I hope she'll recover soon and I will be able to hug her again, it's been years. Okay, I'll end it here. Bukas ulit! Love, Zhyrll." I read.
I feel really bad for her. Hindi niya makasama ang kapatid niyang may sakit dahil sa responsibilidad niya sa pag-aaral. But there's a vacation whenever the school year ends. Maybe she must be busy. I don't know.
I turn pages and pages to read more just to hurt my heart and shattered it into pieces. I felt goosebumps. I don't know either, its a mixed emotions.
"This can't be right?..." I asked to myself.
I saw a picture attached to the pages I am at. It's the young me in all smiles while riding a bike. I don't remember this scene. So this can't be me. Based on her physique I guess it was on my early 20s or maybe 18?
"Getting better? I wish I can see you soon, Viennese." No, it wasn't me right? Maraming Viennese sa mundo. Hindi lang ako. Baka nagkataon lang?
A tear scaped off my eye hanggang sa nagsunod-sunod na. I let out a silent cry. My tears are like an open faucet, tuloy-tuloy ang pag-agos nito na parang hindi nauubos.
Nang kumalma ay napagdesisyunan kong lumabas ng silid at harapin ang mga magulang. I will confront them about Zhyrll Kate and what's the relationship between me and her.
