"Anong plano mo this whole academic break?" Tanong ni Jisnel. Magkasama kami ngayong kumakain sa McDonald's. Nairaos naming matapos ang exam ngayong last day kaya deserve naming mag-McDo.
"Punta akong countryside. I want to scape this busy and problematic environment."
Tumango-tango naman siya habang iniikot-ikot ang pasta ng spaghetti niya.
"I don't want to put this up, but are you okay?" Pambabasag ni Jisnel sa nakakabinging katahimikan.
Natigil sa ere ang pagsubo ko ng burger steak. Ibinaba ko ang kutsara, uminom ng tubig upang maibsan ang bikig sa lalamunan. Tumikhim ako at umayos ng upo. I smiled, eyes on the plate.
I can't find the right answer by his question because I, myself didn't know what I really feel.
Am I okay?
"Matagal ko na kasing napapansin na lagi kang matamlay. Tapos you're three days absent before the exam. Did something came up? You can talk to me, you know. Or if you don't want to, then I respect that." He added and continue eating.
But obviously, this past few days, I am not okay.
I wanted to disappear. I wanted to fade. I wanted to vanish. I wanted to leave without leaving any traces of me.
But my fate wants the opposite. My fate is to be in this world again.
~*~ Two days ago. ~*~
I swayed myself at the swing, closed my eyes and felt the calmness of the night.
I eased my mind and listened to the rustling leaves due to night breeze and the song that the grasshoppers are making.
While my eyes are still closed, here are lots of pictures and sceneries that keeps on flashing. Memories of the past.
"Viennese, lagi ka na lang nakakulong dito sa kwarto mo. Bampira ka ba?"
That's kuya Von for sure. Tingin ko ay nasa thirteen years old pa lang ako sa alaalang ito.
I sat still, facing my window, mukang napakalalim ng iniisip.
"Huy," hindi na siya nakatiis at niyugyug ako.
Doon lang ako nakabalik sa realidad. "Huh?" Tanong ko, nagtataka kung bakit siya naririto sa kuwarto ko.
"Lalabas ka ba o hindi?" Tanong niya.
Yumuko ako at huminga nang malalim. Kung lalabas ako at umatake ang sakit ko, hindi ko alam kung sino-sino na naman ang masasaktan ko. Hindi ko kontrolado ang sarili ko kapag nagshishift ang personality ko.
I am diagnosed with Split Personality Disorder, and I am aware of that. Kaya mula nang malaman kong may nasaktan dahil sa'kin, hindi na ako lumalabas sa kuwarto.
"I don't know," tiningnan ko si kuya. "Gusto kong lumabas pero natatakot ako." I turned my gaze back to the window. "Natatakot akong may masaktan dahil sa hindi ko makontro ang sarili ko, whenever I shift." Nangilid ang luha sa mga mata ko kaya pasimple ko itong pinunas.
Lumapit si kuya sa akin at umupo sa tabi ko. "Don't worry okay? Andito lang ako, sasamahan at babantayan kita." He smiled and patted my head.
The scene shifted. I'm in the middle of the hallway, of a college university. I am wearing their uniform. I feel anxious because of their glares and stares they give me.
Would they eat me alive? That's what I was thinking while passing the crowd of students at the hallway.
"Bakit siya balot na balot?... is she a freak?"
