True To Life

4. Mitodzi

I sat beside Taki not knowing what to say to her. I had no idea what to say to her, you know that moment when you realise that this is bigger than you, everything is bigger than you, she is bigger than me, much greater. I didn't know how to tell her that that I am not worthy of her love, that I do not deserve her, that she is too good for me. so I said the like a coward I am, scared to scare her away.
On my way home I replayed the conversation in my head over and over again, having the best responses maybe because she wasn't with me
I find my mom sleeping on her bed, she tries to smile when I get close, but I can see that something is wrong. she is not ok, just like any mother would be or any parent for that matter, trying to be strong so that you do not look weak or show weakness.
"are you okay" I ask
she looks at me with a faint smile. I place my hand on her forehead her temperature is high.
"When did this start?" I ask
"It's nothing I was just doing laundry and then I realise that I was very tired so I decided to nap. I will be OK do not worry, just make me some tea" She reply
I make you some tea then cover her up so that she can rest properly I have no idea where my little brother is so I'll go outside and look for him because it's getting late.
He was just on his way back home, saving me the trouble.
That night I spoke to my mum trying not to panic, because I knew even if I panic nothing will help, I will just make her worry even more.
"I heard your song on the radio today, it made me so happy that you were speaking about your feelings, Without Fear. but you opened up for once. Ndavheleseni, my son I want you to know that you don't have to bear it all alone. It's ok to open up. There's someone who will embrace your scars and not expose them. Who will see you for who you are, and not judge you." She smiles
"You don't have to say all these mma..." I can see it's hurting her
"You hold so much pain, that you think that's all you'll ever be. But I know, you'll bloom. Just like a Lilly breaking out of a dry ground, never watered. Your circumstances, are not going to influence your growth. Neither will they interfere, so don't bottle it in anymore." She is in tears.
I hold her hand.
"You don't have to say it, not because it's not true. But because its clearly hurting you. I don't want to see you in pain..." I say
"If only you can see yourself through my eyes, then I wouldn't be saying all this. Anyway, let me rest." She smiles
Oluga is already asleep, I lie beside and sleep.

It's Monday, my mom is still sleeping. This can only mean one thing, she is worse. I know for a fact she would've pushed herself to get, even if she was dying. If she's still in bed, it means she can't move.
"Mma, vha khou dipfa hani?" I place my hand on her head.
She's as cold as ice.
"Mma, wake up." I pat her face
She's still sleeping, what is wrong, this overwhelming feeling, overpowering, compelling me to move. I rush outside, it's a bit windy. The cold breeze wakes me up from what ever was going on. I know what is going, but I don't want to accept, I don't want to feel it.
I rush back and wake up Oluga, he mumbles but I carry him outside. My mind is racing, I ran to my neighbors house.
"Mme a Lufuno, ndi Ndavhe" I call from outside
She opens the door, she looks dressed up. Of course she's dressed, ready to go to work.
"Ndavhe, mulandu?" She asks confused
"Please take Oluga inside" I try to speak calmly but she reads my face and take my brother from my arms.
She walks out with her husband, this time.
"Ndavheleseni, what's wrong?" Her husband asks
"My mom..." my voice breaks
They run to my place, leaving me still standing. I can't move, I can't think, I can't feel. What if it's real, what if she's cold?
"Ndavheleseni..." he calls me
I find myself running back to my house. I walk in on him on his phone, his wife crying.
"Please get here now." He says and hung up looking at me
"I'm so sorry..." he says
I swallow.
"She's cold, last night she was burning up..." I try to speak
He is nodding, then place his hand on my shoulders.
"She's gone..." he says
I feel everything in me shutter, like I'm being torn to pieces.
I walk to my mom, and take her hand in mine. She's so peaceful, like she has never felt any pain, like she has finally found peace.
News spread like a virus in the village, in a few minutes the house is filled with people. My mom's body still in the same bed, stagnant and lifeless. I'm just sitting here beside her, thinking of where to go from here.
"Ndavhe, do you have any relatives we can call?" The other lady asks
"We need to arrange a mortuary for her." The other one adds
"I don't know anyone from my father's side, my mom was an orphan." I answer
They look at each other then back at me.
"Then we don't know what to do with her now." The first one speaks
I look at my mother, she's been lying here helpless for more than four hours. I don't know what to do, I never planned for such a moment in my life. All these people here, walking in and out, but still no help. She's still here, dead.
"Please help me, I don't know what to do?" I cry
"Oh dear, we don't know how to help you either. If only you had someone we could call, then we'd help but right now..." she says then walk out, I'm left alone.
I get up and walk outside, only to find everyone leaving. I thought, they came here to help. Why are they leaving?
"Please, don't go...don't leave me here alone." I call out
"Ndavhe, we'll be back. I have to go to work my son." My neighbor
"What about my mom?" I ask
She looks at me sadly.
"What can we do? Even if we sit here, nothing will happen." She leaves
I see Oluga walking in, with a smile on his face. I quickly wipe my tears.
"Ndavhe, why are you not at school?" He asks
"I am not feeling well, let's go somewhere." I close the door and walk to the spaza shop.