True To Life

3. How would you feel?

Photo: Places to visit at Venda 🤭

It's Monday, not my favorite day but so far I'm surviving. Vusi has been spacing out since morning and it's worrying me, but I believe if it was something serious, he would have told me.
Just like any other day of the week, I try to focus in class, take notes and have my break. Now it's our last periods and I can't wait to go home. I wait until the teacher walks out so that I can get up and follow her outside class, I do not want to be embarrassed in front of other learners so I'll do it privately.
"Ma'am.." I say as she walks out of our class
She stops then looks at me.
"Ndavheleseni, is everything okay?" She asks
I nod.
"Yes ma'am, I just wanted to say I'd like you help with English. I know my grades are not good enough and I'd like to improve." I explain
She looks confused but smiles gently.
"That won't be a problem, but I can only do that after school or on weekends since you know, I have many classes to tutor."
"That won't be a problem at all." I say
"Although I'm surprised you are not performing well, you're a good student. Actually one of the best...so whats wrong with English?" She asks
I swallow.
"I think I lack the confidence, people don't expect me to excel in it and I'm one of those people. It's like if I'm good, or even say anything in English...they'll laugh at me. As if I'm not supposed to..." I stop
Her smile disappeared.
"Ndavhe, the world will ask you who you are. If you don't know, the world will tell you. You seem not to know, who you are. That's why they're telling you and you're becoming who they say you are." She says
"I'll see you after school." She walks away
I get back to class thinking about what she just told me. It's what Vusi always tell me every day and for some reason I haven't changed. I don't know how it feels like to be free, the most dangerous thing is that I've found freedom in my little cage.
"What's up with you?" Vusi asks as I settle down
"I should be asking you, you're the one who've been spacing out since morning. " I say
He looks at the door, our last period just began. It's math and I love numbers so I'll need my full attention.
After school is always chaos, everyone is full of life and nothing compares to the noise of people shouting and screaming. I make my way past the crown to the stuff room to wait for Mrs Thovhakale. My English teacher.
"I'm asking myself why you're running opposite direction to the gate." Vusi calling out for me
I laugh, remembering I didn't tell him about this.
"I asked Mrs Thovhakale to help with my studies after school." I say
"So that's what that was about" he stands next to me.
"Vusi, please feature me on your next big thing bro. Your tract is trending all over social media." Tshilidzi
He's in our class..
"Which track?" Vusi asks
"The one about crushing, it's killer. I heard it on Phalaphala this morning." Tshilidzi explains
"Shit" That's Vusi looking at me
I'm confused.
"What?" I ask him
"I might have let Taki listen to the song..." he answers
Shit.
"Then how did it end up on the radio..." I ask
"It's not only on the radio, it's all over social media..." Tshilidzi adds
"Please shut up..." I say to the guy
"Who the Fuck do you think you are shutting me up?" He pushes me
"Today is the last day you want to mess with me, so please don't." I take his hands off
"I don't know how it ended up there, I swear." Vusi says
"That explains why you've been spacey" I'm pissed
He looks at Taki who's walking towards us with a smile on her face. She looks at me and her smile disappears.
"Is everything okay?" She asks
That was referred to me than Vusi.
"Taki, did you send the song to anyone else?" Vusi asks
She shrugs, then frown guilty.
"I didn't I swear. " she lies
I exhale, now I'm fuming.
"I sent to a friend of mine, who works at the radio station..." she stops
"How is that any better?" I ask
"Look, the song is amazing and I think it's better out there than being shared over Bluetooth and share it..." She says defensively
"Please stop talking, I've heard enough. I don't think I'll be able to take this lesson anymore, I'm going home." I walk past them
"Ndavhe, wait" Taki grabs my hand
"Not now..." I take it off and walk away
I've never been this angry before, I'm between screaming and crying but I can't cry. I manage to walk to my place, distracting myself with a song in my head.