True To Life

31. Healing

Ndinae didn't go to the hospital, but rather a doctor and nurse came and removed the bullet. The quiet man who i learned his name is Vhuthu told me that they will take her to the family hospital and if I want to see her I can come anytime. He even assured me that she will be alright, the bullet missed the vital spots. After they have taken Ndinae, two woman came and cleaned the blood. It is like nothing happened, just exactly how they found it.

After a week I did call Vhuthu and ask if I could see her, he told me the jet will be available in an hour. I thought he was joking, in exactly an hour he called me saying the driver is waiting outside at the parking lot to escort me to the jet. I expected a road trip for my first time in Cape Town but it was more like a blink of an eye situation.

When I got there I found Ndinae resting in a room with a nurse attending to her. She looked peaceful, maybe a part of her that I am unfamiliar with. The Ndinae I know is a ticking boomb waiting to explode. But that day, she look vulnerable, like she can be broken so easily at the mere sight of a man. And the question that has been on my mind and I am failing to find an answer to, is who is that man. How is it that you can love someone so much and want to hurt them just as much?

"Ndavhe..." She opens her eyes lazily as I sat beside her

"I thought you were sleeping..." I say remembering how tricky she is

"I was only resting my eyes, how are you?" She asks

Does she cares or only asking because she is trying to be polite.

"I am good thanks, and you?" I answer also being polite

She looks at me and smiles, as if that is not weird enough she pats beside her on the bed.

"Please come sit here..." Her

"No, I would rather keep the distance." I say remembering her reject that felt like resentment towards me

"Ndavhe, there are things that I wish I could say to you but time has already passed and those words faded with time. So even if I say them they won't sound weighing. But I am sorry, for everything I never got to say." Her smile disappear as her words that seems long awaited but past overdue

"I am so sorry for abandoning you and your brother, for giving you away. I hope you do find it in your heart to forgive me." She adds

Do those words warm my heart? No. Do I feel like she meant them? Does it matter?. However, the burden of this unforgiveness is too much on me. I want to hate her, I want to hurt her. But all those feelings are contaminating me, not her.

"I am tired of hating you. I know you don't deserve my forgiveness but I am not doing this for you. It is more for myself." I look at her as I speak

She nods.
"I know I will never be able to attone for what I did as a mother, but I want to do things differently this time. I have cheated death three times and maybe this time, I must do things right by you and Oluga." She sits up

"You don't owe us anything Ndinae..." I say

"Yes, but I want to live my life knowing that at least I did something right. As you can see, I failed as an avenger. Ndo fhedza ndi khou funa muthu ane nda khou fanela u mu vhaisa" she smiles as she says that

"Vhuthu's father?" I ask

She nods.

"You love danger don't you? The man almost killed your children and yourself for God's sake" I speak

"I also hurt him. When I left here I broke his trust and he was ready to leave everything for me but that was not what I wanted. Even after getting what I wanted all along, that I gave up everything from back stabbing peoplem...it wasn't enough. I was unhappy and also lost." Ndinae explains