True To Life

14. Solo

I find him sitting on his chair with his eyes closed as if he is meditating. I am scared to hear what he's going to say or do. He wait for me to sit, before he opens his eyes.
"I know you are not stupid, and you know why I want to talk to you in private." He looks at me with a straight face
I nod.
"Ndavhe, I am not a good person and I told you that..." he says
"I didn't think that meant you are a killer" I say, why am I talking?
"It means I'm a lot of things Ndavhe, that's just one of them." He stops talking the hands me a picture.
It's a woman.
"Who is she?" I ask
"She's my ex wife, she got killed by a a group of mafia looking for me. They wanted to teach me a lesson but I have something bigger." He stops then tighten his jaws
"Why were they looking for you?" I ask
"Because I am with one of south Africans dangerous cartel, and they are taking over most territory..." he says
What?"
"So you sell drugs?" I ask
He shakes his head.
"No, Ammunition." He says
Why does he say that as if it's any better?
"But you are an accountant right?" I ask now concerned
"Yes, if I wasn't I'd have the cops after me. Look Ndavhe, I'm not going to lie my way out. However I'll do my best to keep you out of this world and also protect you. You have my word on that" he says
"Let me get this straight, so you're part of a cartel and you transport ammunition. But they're people after your life and you want to kill them. What if they kill you?" I ask
"Even if that's happens you are safe. So there is no need to worry." He answers
"So you are not worried about dying?" I ask
He shakes his head.
"I'm just surprised that I'm still alive, don't worry I'll just made I survive a little longer to see you make it." He promises me
He shouldn't make such promises.
"I hate you right now" I sit back on the chair
He looks at me with a long face.
"I just opened my heart to be part of a family, I feel like you're taking that away from me right now. And what's even worse is you're okay with that. I don't care about your secrets and your ways of making money. What matters to me is that I'm now part of it without my concern. I never prepared for this and it's like you expect me to be okay with it..."
"I'm not saying that..." he cuts me off
"Then what did you just say to me right now?" I'm angry
I did think I'll get like this, I need to calm down.
"I'm sorry..." he gets up and walk to the door
"I get scared sometimes, that's why I want you to know all these right now. I don't expect you to be fine or accept it but that's who I am and I can't change. I know you will say, I don't want to but yes I don't" he explains
I exhale.
"I need to think about this, before I say anything I'll regret" I say
"That's okay" he leave me sitting

Two weeks passed and I was just in my feelings. I didn't speak to Thabang about his dealings, I felt like that was for the best. I don't want to judge him, I'm not the one to judge. I'm just happy that he is happy right now and protecting Masindi and Oluga. He's not perfect and he doesn't have to be, he is human and did what he thought was best to survive. It's not like he had a lot of choices, so the least I can do is be grateful for the choices I have right now because he played a major part on that.

Masindi, oluga and I went back to venda. Thabang wanted Oluga to transfer to a school in polokwane but Masindi wasn't happy about that. And since his duty is to make her happy, he didn't want to reason with her. I'm just concerned that this is my matric year and I'll be leaving next year, probably to Medunsa or Wits. I will miss oluga more but at least I know he's well taken care of.

School is reopening today so I'm standing by Masindi's gate waiting for Phindulo. I have been anticipating this moment for a while now but I still don't have the right words for her. I can't continue to do this to her, I'm just being selfish so I need to be true to myself and end this.
I see her closing her gate because she doesn't stay far from Masindi. She has braids, and looks even more beautiful. I want to hold her close to me because I've missed her
"Hey stranger" She says making her way to me and then embrace me
I hold her tightly, I've missed her.
"Hey, how are you?" I ask
She let's me go, then just like that I kiss her. Why am I doing this? I suddenly stop.
"I missed you" She says
We then walk hand-in-hand all the way to school talking about our holiday. I can't bring myself to break up with her on the first day of school that's too cold.